I have become a cutter and adicted to cocaine, where do I seek help?

[KidanisCortes]

I've suffered terrible depression from years and years like ten to be exact I was coping with it okay just slight bouths of heavy depression here and there. Never did any self harm in my teens or any drugsor alchool. Now I'm 27 and I feel totally worthless and it has lead me to believe that nothing I ever do is gonna happen. These realizations of that I'm going to be single forever, that I'm always gonna have a crappy job and that I'm an untrative piece of garbage have lead me to the path of self harm. I started drinking first as a "pick me up" from my blues then it lead to weed but I hated it. Then casual coaine use with heavy "party" drinking, then cocaine every day with clonazepam. Today I got into a heavy depression and none of the drugs I do helped me feel better so I picked up a kitchen knife and slashes my wrist 6 times.

I have never done this at this point I realized that I'm more depressed than I though, I'm to pridefull to go to a therapist ands I doubt it will work. I'm not gonna take meds no way no how. But I do want to get out of this loop before I end up suicidal or something like that. Dangerous thing about me its that I'm impulsive hence why I'm really scared

[TravisG]

Well my name is Travis and I use to be so depressed. I felt like I had no family because I got put out at the age of 17. I was in a gang which was no way out and I hung around all kinds of guys. Well I just got tired of being control by bad choices I made and decided to take control of my life. I slowly start to get away from the streets and selling drugs to get my life on track. I was so tired of life I wanted to kill myself but me trying to pull that trigger is a hard choice. You think about so much. I started working two jobs and communicating with people with good jobs and one day this guy told me to put in for an application and I've been in this career every since. So when you decide to do something about your life and write it down and put it in your mind and keep trying to you reach your gaol. You will see a change. God is my witness

[Anonymous]

Lose your pride and see a therapist. There are plenty of big, strong, attractive guys who have struggles with depression as bad as you. They think they can work it out themselves and are too tough to go see a shrink. You have no clue there was anything wrong until you find out they killed themselves. Big problem among police, particularly. Nothing wrong with seeing a therapist. They can work wonders just talking with you and giving advice. I'm with you on the no meds thing, some of that stuff they prescribe is scary. Lot of mass shooters were on anti-depressants. It can actually make it worse. Good luck!

[AmandaLynn1930]

Check urself into a hospital sl they can keep u safe from urself. Cutting and wanting to die r two completely different things. But cutting can become highly addictive if u dint get help for it. Find someone u can talk to and trust. And dint let the fact that ur single bring u down. You'll find someone. Some just takes longer to find their person than others.

[KidanisCortes]

Well I'm unattractive so thats whats keeping me in my case also I have a crappy job and a crappy life, work my ass off and nothing ever changes. I just like the escape from ym life drugs give me and hospital, hell naw no mental hospital been there done that. just no

[AmandaLynn1930]

Ur not unattractive physically. I've rated ur pic before and gave u a high score as did lots of other girls... Ur attitude may be keeping females away from you. Negativity is not attractive for most people. You have to think about it things more positively. U think ur the only one who works a crappy job and is tired of dealing with day to day nonsense? Ur nkt alone in that, I promise you. But some of us work through it and find just one thing that keeps us going. If u can't find it on ur own, professional help could really make a difference for u.

[KidanisCortes]

I disagree on the attractiveness part, I'm just average blah. And about the job thing I was okay with it a first but then the years went on and got more depressed about it nows its gotten to the point of being a cutter and a drug addict thats not fun and its scares me where I'll end up

[AmandaLynn1930]

Why don't u find a other job? At least find something else you'd want to do. And if you don't think you're attractive that's most people, nobody sees them self the way others do.
In order for u to change you have to be willing to. I went through almost exactly what u r.. It just takes a lot of work and effort to stop doing what ur doing. It's not easy, but if u dint want to end up dead or with horrible scars all over u body, u need to be strong and stop.

[KidanisCortes]

Yeah I've ebeen trying to gte a better job for 3 years with no luck and yes I agree I dont want to end up with scars but its impulsive. I want to change but It's not easy I also dont want to go to a mental hospital and see all those people with some really hardcore squisophrenia or all that jazz o. o

[AmandaLynn1930]

Then work on it by yourself. It's not impossible... U just have to be willing to try. I have acars in some funky spots on my body that I'll have to live with forever. You don't want that. It's not a good feeling. And it's a contant reminder of how weak we can be. As far as the drugs, u just gotta stop doing them. They make u feel better for alittle... maybe... but it doesn't last. And it's not good for u. And for the job... just keep looking and trying. Sometimes persistence pays off...

[KidanisCortes]

I have no problem with stopping the drugs per see its only the feelings that I feel after I'm off that drive me to doing them.

[AmandaLynn1930]

That's understandable. U just gotta learn to deal with what ur feeling... Ur not the only person who feels that way. You just need some change in ur life, that's all...

[KidanisCortes]

Yeah been trying but if in ten + years I haven't found anything then I lost hope in everything

[AmandaLynn1930]

its worth however long it takes.

[KidanisCortes]

in my opinion it isn't since if you waste 20 years of your life working a crappy job and crappy life situations thats not really called a life and it really isn't fair

[AmandaLynn1930]

life is really what u make of it.
if you aren't willing to change or at least try and think positively then just continue what you're doing, cross your fingers and hope someone changes it for you.

[KidanisCortes]

No life is what it is some people have really shitty lives and can't change them thats just reality. You gotta make the change yourself no one cares enough to do it for anyone

[AmandaLynn1930]

exactly!!! so change it :)

[sarahaus]

Professionally, with people who know their shit. Maybe do some research online about doctors local to you, and just go have a meeting to feel the place out. The fact that you are so aware of your problems is such a good sign though! Walk like thunder, homie.

[Anonymous]

So you're too pridefull to go to a therapist but you lack self-respect at such a high level that you allow yourself to cut your own skin?
That's BS, it's only going to get worse if you don't get help. If you cared the least about your mind and body, you would seek help ASAP. Sorry it might sound harsh, but it's the truth. One does not go through a depression like yours without help.

[yourwaifu]

go to a therapist! throw that pride away and go! no one will judge you and no one has to know anyway, don't do this to yourself please.. if you want to talk you can message me i will try to help as well