What makes someone likeable, but not lovable?

[Anonymous]

What makes someone likeable, but not lovable? Have you ever felt this way about someone? Why?

[Lilena]

Yes. This has happened to me a couple times. I've been in a 2 year relationship before where I was happy with him and loved him, but not in love. We never argued, we had a lot of the same interests, we lived together for a long time with no issues but I always found myself wondering if there was something better out there. No doubt I did love him, and he did make me happy. I really just deep down felt I was not truly in love even though the relationship seemed to be working out. We played games together and he made me laugh, but I never got that "so in love with you" sensation. I found myself chatting with other guys occasionally and although I didn't have a keen interest in them, I didn't want the guilt of cheating or hurting him should opportunity present itself. I so much cared for him, and I would not be a cheater. One day after 2 1/2 years I just came out and told him I was leaving. I just wasn't in love, I wanted to find that "one". Moving out and going to explore my options. It broke his heart, although we remained friends after awhile. It was hard, but one of the best decisions I've ever made. Long story short, I never 'settled' again. Years later, I found my man and I do feel that "so in love" feeling that I always longed for. Sometimes the right decisions in life inevitably hurt someone, but time heals all wounds. That's my two cents.

[Asker]

I'm on the unlovable side usually. What do you think causes this?

[Lilena]

It's not that there's something wrong with you if that's what you're implying. I don't believe anyone is entirely unlovable. Confidence is the key. I had very low self esteem for a good portion of my life and never found happiness and kind of lived through others. It takes a lot out of you, sometimes I still struggle but find confidence somehow. No matter what you look like, you are beautiful and if you are kind, love with find you.

[Lilena]

My theory is that once you are happy with yourself and find yourself not feeling like you *need* someone in your life, people pick up on that vibe. If you enjoy your own company, others will enjoy your company as well.

[Asker]

People enjoy my company it seems, but I don't create that spark that they yearn for. I'm not sure why. What bothered you about your ex?

[Lilena]

I can't really say anything "bothered" me about him in particular. He didn't drink, surprised me with gifts, cooked amazing meals for me, it seemed good. I just decided that it wasn't a life I wanted to live, I felt like there was something more out there for me. We just fixed computers all day and played games, it made me feel like a drone being in a constant cycle of routine. He was a good man, kind hearted. I wish I could give you more to go on, I guess you just can't force love.

[lollipopsforyou]

Lately, all the time haha. I may be attracted to someone, like his personality and enjoy myself, but always look for flaws that make me hold back, to be honest I don't think it has something to do with them, it's more of my issue, I probably don't want to love someone at the moment, so yeah, I don't think it's that they're not "lovable" it's me the one that don't want to love them even if I like them a lot.