Search Results: first thing a guy notices

In January 2025 I was chatting to a man briefly on an app. I liked him and he suggested meeting up. Things were going fine, we talked about expectations etc. prior to meeting. He also mentioned that he’d had a stillborn baby in his last relationship. It left me speechless but I offered a lot of empathy. After that admission, he retreated a few days later and said he didn’t see us going anywhere, which contradicted everything we’d chatted about and our similar values.

Fast forward to September, he reached out again and we ended up chatting for a couple of months every day. He arranged a date with me. The pace was slower this time, we didn’t jump right into talking about the serious stuff. Consistency was there, he was incredibly kind. We met for the first date and it was nice. We laughed, he told me a little more about what he’s been through (loss of brother, rehab, stillborn baby, loss of partner, rehab and then turning his life around). We made physical contact and hugged and he told me I looked lovely. He arranged a second date before the first ended and I met him again. We chatted a bit more, not too much in-depth but enough for me to know he liked me. We admitted we liked and were attracted to each other. We hugged again and before that date was over he arranged the third. We met for our third and went to the cinema. When he said goodbye I could feel more closeness in his hug and goodbye. This time he never arranged a fourth date.

I noticed more intimacy in his replies after this date and he said he hadn’t been sure whether to kiss me. I said I was happy for that to unfold naturally. But after the kiss question? I noticed a slight stall, things weren’t moving. When I asked if he still had time for dating, he deflected the question back to me and side-stepped. Basically saying we’d been busy and that distance doesn’t help along with us not being ‘excited’ to talk to each other. A bizarre reply, because it contradicted his actions completely.

Here’s a tightened, cleaner version at exactly 2,000 characters:

We met on a dating app—no, not Tinder—and he messaged me first. We talked for a few days and clicked fast. We’re both artists learning tattooing, traded art, hyped each other up, then moved to texting. He kept asking for selfies, calling me beautiful, and sending his back. He was cute, fit, tall enough without being towering, and covered in tattoos like me.

He wanted to hang out and hook up, but I needed childcare, so we planned for him to come over while my six-month-old napped and I monitored the baby the whole time. He even offered Starbucks and gas-station snacks, which I declined. When he arrived he hugged me, took off his shoes without being asked, admired my gaming setup, and cuddled with me on the couch. He complimented my hair, touched it gently, then kissed me. We hooked up and the chemistry was real—he was attentive, no awkwardness, very compatible.

Afterward we talked, and he said he’d probably come over again the next day. Before he came over I’d warned him my ex’s belongings were still there in trash bags by the door. When he noticed them at the end of the night he tensed and said I should get rid of them. I agreed, and he relaxed. He hugged and kissed me goodbye. I noticed dimples I’d never seen in photos, told him they were cute, and he abruptly said goodnight.

The next day he barely replied. Then out of nowhere he texted, “I think I’m gay lmao.” I couldn't tell if he was kidding. He said he was serious and had been thinking about it. I noticed he’d unmatched me on the app. I respected it but asked if this was just him disappearing after sex. He said it wasn’t about me, just stuff in his head. I told him if he ever figured things out he could text me. He promised he would and sent a black heart. We haven’t spoken since.

I’m 25, he’s 27, and I’d just left an abusive relationship. I wasn’t naïve—just enjoying my freedom. Still, the whole thing doesn’t make sense.