How can a shy girl subtly make the first move on a classmate?

[Anonymous]

I have a thing for this guy in my class. He's a year older than me and this is the first time I've ever really been around him, so we don't have much of a connection. The problem is that I am VERY shy and awkward. My main concern is that he plays sports with my ex. They're not friends, but if this guy finds out and doesn't feel the same, I'm afraid the whole team will find out and make it a big deal. It's hard to talk to him because he's pretty shy when he's alone (which never happens) but he's normally always with friends (who are also on the team). He definitely knows who I am, because my ex told me he thought I was attractive, then said he was calling me ugly. Not sure which is true, because my ex wasn't a great person and liked to lie. I've been trying to make eye contact, but I'm not really sure what other nonverbal signs I can give. I would add him on social media, but I am hesitant to do so because he only has people he knows personally. I also tried to follow him a year or so ago and he didn't follow me back. He seems to look at me a bit and he's showed up where I am, but I may just be noticing him more and overthinking it. He sits facing me and puts his feet next to/under my desk rather than the front, but his friends sits behind him, so maybe it's just more convenient? He's louder when I'm around and fixes his hair a lot, which is something I do to try to catch someone's eye. We've never spoken, so it's hard to see where I'm at. I don't know if he's noticed me at all and how to get him to notice me more. I'd prefer to feel it out and work my way up rather than just jumping into conversation and potentially making a fool of myself. Are there anything guys notice or any subtle hints I can give?

[HollyK21]

We didn’t really get a chance to chat yesterday, the conversation was a bit abrupt. I would’ve liked to have asked: do you feel comfortable going for this guy, knowing what comes with it? If you do then I’d have suggestions for that. It just seems like it could be problematic, given the fact that he hangs in pretty close proximity to your ex given class and sports. Along with that but about the guys gossiping about you. My concern is that this would be some sort of conquest for him.

[HollyK21]

**that bit

[Asker]

I totally understand how it could be an issue. I'm not all that concerned, though, because my ex is sort of the outlier. He's not friends with anyone on the team and not of them really like him, so he's left out of a lot of things. He doesn't have class with the guy or any of his close friends, so I don't think it'd get to him per se. I just don't want people to think I'm a perk because of it or that I'm just getting passed around the team. I'm not worried about my ex, just more concerned about the comment he made.

[HollyK21]

That was one of my main concerns yesterday, you being part of some locker room gossip that according to your ex seems to be circulating about you. I’d hate for you to inadvertently fuel that fire over this other guy who may or may not be worth the trouble. At the same time though, certain people could be worth the risk.

Life is about the journey, and lessons you learn along the way, both good and bad. So if you wanna at least give him a shot, no matter the outcome at least you won’t be stuck with the “what if’s”.

Anyway, my advice for approaching/engaging with him might sound weird, but just treat him like a friend. That’s what you want to establish in a relationship anyway, having your best friend within that person. You don’t have to ask for his number or anything like that, just establish a friendly knowledge about one another. After a time or two of that, he should feel better about approaching and hanging around you, and hopefully he helps keep the ball rolling.

[Asker]

Yeah that actually makes a lot of sense. I guess I forgot about the friendly aspect and just jumping straight to the romantic bit. I really appreciate your input!

[HollyK21]

No problem! I think when we wanna open the door for a crush, it’s easy to overthink the “flirty” aspect, wanting to say the right thing, nothing corny, etc. But unless being so outward comes naturally, then trying to flirt won’t feel right no matter how you do it. So yeah, just keep things casual at first. I also think it gives you a better idea of what his personality could naturally be like when he isn’t trying to impress you with his own flirty lines and is just his more-authentic self. You can then determine if you even really mesh or vibe before exploring the more romantic route. For all you know his topics and conversation could be off putting lol.

[ohsheeT]

You do t have to make a move just be yourself smile and say hi every time you see him eye contact as you say hi with your voice. Let your eyes say I really like you

[In_Trance]

Make the first move on him the way you would want him to make the first move on you

[Summeroflove]

Be overt. Being too subtle can make things weirder. Number one if he’s into you….. he may miss the hints and eventually move on. If he isn’t it’s better to be rejected up front then make an awkward situation….. and start making someone feel uncomfortable

[DryGermanGuy]

Smile and say hello often.

[moviedude714]

interesting question