I started dating my friends with benefits, but now I fallen for someone else. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

I was in a friends with benefits relationship with this guy, and I ended up falling for him. I wanted more and he did not. The relationship was getting quite painful for me, knowing that we would never be more. I told him that I needed a break and time to heal. He came back a few days later and messaged me saying that he knows how much I wanted a relationship with him and would be willing to try it with me to see how things go. He said he was doing this mainly because he didn’t want to lose me and didn’t see another reason why he should not give it a chance. I was elated at the fact that he wanted to try with me. I knew going into it that he was a very much a loner. He likes his space more than anything and relished in the fact that because he works in a different city every few weeks that we would be apart, and he would have time to himself. I am not a needy woman, but I do want someone that at least shows me some kind of attention once in awhile apart from just sex. I know that he says that he likes me for more than just my body, but I often feel like that is not the case. I have noticed that since we started this relationship, he is spending a lot less time talking with me. Things were much better when we were friends with benefits, as opposed to now. So that is the first part of my problem. The second half is that I ended up going out with my friend for a work event and it was there that I met someone. He is quite younger than I am, but our conversation has blossomed into something more fulfilling than anything I have ever known. Though it is not sexual in nature, the attention he spends getting to know me, the real me makes me feel seen and heard. We have the same common life goals (marriage/kids) stuff that my boyfriend does not want that I do. I have noticed that I have developed feelings for this new guy and I feel and even deeper connection with him than what I thought I had for my friends with benefits boyfriend. What should I do?

[Summeroflove]

Yeah these situations lead to problems. You gotta be honest a lot of times one person becomes more attached then the other. In some cases it’s the man in sone it’s the woman.

Yeah, it’s time to be honest if you’re not into him anymore. You know what? You tried dating. And it didn’t work… Now you like someone else. Okay, it’s time to not waste your time or his anymore. That’s another issue. Some people think a relationship would be great but in reality it sucks. The fantasy you had…. Wasn’t reality. And you tried it. It didn’t work…

Imagine if you were still friends with benefits never knowing what a relationship would be like… just to be disappointed later. Imagine if you dated and things got serious too fast and now you’re stuck….. you did right

But if he’s your boyfriend. You cheated on him….. and maybe. Maybe you did that to finally have the upper hand. You felt betrayed. And now that you’re in a relationship you cheated. It’s time to exit it

[Summeroflove]

Dump the boyfriend. At this point emotionally speaking it’s cheating knowing you have romantic interest and intentions with the new man.

[Summeroflove]

If you want to go out with him. Go out with him

[blueonblack22]

Honesty both these guys are trouble for you. I get you would like some attention, intimacy and real relationship. Neither one of these guys sound like good candidates. And I know it doesn’t get any easier past 35. Also this younger guy is a bit of a “feel good” semi fantasy for you. Attention someone who is younger for the opposite gender makes older guys and girls feel younger themselves. Not a bad thing at all. But that younger guy will unlikely commit to you.

Anyway I think you need to tell your friends with benefits you need a break and space from him. Don’t reach out to him either for at least a few weeks. That will give him to time to think. I don’t know about him but I am a “loner” because:

1) I am workaholic and have very little time to socialize (I’m on mission to get my side business to be my full time gig). Every second counts for me right now

2) I can’t stand meaningless chatter and pointless so called “socializing”. I’m a man and always been 100% independent.

3) most of my long time friends are now married and/or have kids. They got their own lives going on and I respect that. We are still friends but I won’t reach out to them unless they reach out to me.

I’m wondering if this friends with benefits guy is in a similar scenario.

[petitedollbabee]

Obviously break up with him. Why date someone who doesn’t want to date you? Stop wasting both of your time.

[fantasticass]

friends with benefits is not healthy. Dump him, get therapy then start dating again. Good luck 🤞

[Finchie40]

tell your boyfriend the truth, that you no longer want to be with him, and that you are very interested in someone else. He isn't going to be a happy camper but at least you are telling him the truth and not blind siding him

[Anonymous]

I thought you were much younger. First off I think your “boyfriend” doesn’t really want to be your boyfriend. He just said what you wanted to hear so he wouldn’t lose his friends with benefits. More than likely he’s out there fucking other chicks when he’s in other cities working. Maybe I’m wrong but you’re giving off this desperation vibe. I’d be careful w the younger dude cause he may sense the same thing. Maybe he’s just trying to get laid. A lot of times when younger men mess w older women is because it’s a fetish. Not to say that there aren’t relationships like this that don’t work out. But a lot of younger men usually don’t want older women.

[Rangers]

It seems to me you just wanted to hear people reiterate that your line of thinking is totally reasoble, it is. Your "boyfriend", wants the privileges of dating you with none of the commitment while the other is genuinely interested in you.

As for the age issue, don't worry about that, focus on the fact that he seems to hit every other note

[slatyb]

Stop dating the friends with benefits and focus on the other man.

[mrshooiser]

If your between the age 36 to 45 your way past the age of having kids. Or marriage for that matter. Your so called boyfriend is obviously a prick. The new guy seems like a dream come true. Its not a hard choice.

[aceleon]

should? stop being an insecure bitch and cut it out with the bwf.

and don't drag this poor boy into a relationship with you and insult him just because you want to fullfill a goal.

[jahaims]

Stay single and go to therapy. You are too broken for a healthy relationship

[Nikki1989]

Break up with him, and most importantly, ignore the advice from anons on here. Christ, they are stupid.

[WhitneySnow]

Break up with your boyfriend. If he’s texting you a lot less, that’s a sign that the relationship is already dying on his side.

[qwerty2469]

I think you should do what all girls do. Tell the nicer guy that he is a pussy and keep getting taken advantage by the guy that doesn't give a fuck about you until all of your eggs have dried up and you move in with your ailling mother.

[Theunfadeable]

“What should I do?” 😆 slow TF down girl! Pace yourself.

[MrChinaski]

What should you do? Punctuate your text. It's impenetrable.

[Staximus]

You should have thought about having kids 15 years ago

[beenherebefore]

Be honest about it.

[blackeagle007]

What does your heart say?