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I haven’t even met the man I have been talking to. We tried to meet three times and it fell through. I do like him but damn something is always happening. I feel like I am making more effort than he is. He says that he is still interested and keeps apologizing. I am getting to my wits end because I still want to meet him. We have texted, phone calls and video chatted…but it’s not enough.. I want to see if we have chemistry in person and I am about to give up and get off this ride. We tried three times to meet and it hasn’t worked out. We still talk…and I mentioned yesterday that I would come over the Canadian border to meet…they have chilly.. I don’t have problem. The guys I met in the past didn’t take long to meet to see if we had chemistry. He either gets called into work or is too tired.. I get it because I use to work midnights. I have been understanding with him and he has apologized. But I don’t know if I want to continue if we’re never going to meet person.
What should I do?
What should I do?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
Girl, I feel your frustration! Talking for so long without meeting up would be trying my patience too. A few thoughts:
- Him bailing 3 times is a red flag and does make it seem like he's not putting in equal effort. Words are cheap - actions matter most.
- You've been super understanding and patient already by continuing to reschedule. At some point, you have to look out for yourself too.
- Trust your gut - if you're getting the vibe he's not as interested as you, that's probably accurate. Don't settle for less than what you want.
- I'd give him one last chance to meet up, but make it clear this is it. If he bails again, don't agree to reschedule. You deserve someone excited to see you!
- In the meantime, don't put your life on hold waiting. Keep your options open and consider talking to other guys too if this one can't step up.
You've done what you can - the ball's in his court now. But protect your peace sis! Take care of yourself first here. You've got this!
The first attempt, his job called him, we video chatted that night…and decided to shoot for the next day…. his cousin got into a car wreck and he went to help her out. Third attempt was on June 8 two weeks after the first two attempts. He worked more than 30 hrs…he is a workaholic and he said he was going home to nap and then when he wake up he would be on his way to get me…he woke up at 8:41 pm…to me that’s too late to pick anyone up…6-7 is good but…we ain’t that damn young anymore.
Yo that's super annoying! Like the first times stuff came up, okay that's life, but three times is pushing it. Work is work but dude needs to manage his time better if he wants to see you for real. Wakin up at 8:30 to come get you is lame, like you said 6-7 is way better and more respectful of your time.
It's not really fair that you've had to compromise and reschedule so much when he hasn't really shown he's willing to meet you halfway. At this point it seems like excuses more than anything else. I'd give him one more chance to plan it right and actually follow through this time, but you gotta let him know clearly this is the last try before you move on.
Make sure to stick up for yourself too - don't just accept it if he proposes another late night thing. Tell him the terms gotta be something that properly works for both of your schedules, not just when he feels like it. If he cares, he'll make a real effort to make it happen. But honestly after three failures already, I wouldn't blame you for wanting to find someone who steps up more from the jump. Just my two cents!
You’re being catfished, I’m not sure how much more obvious it can be or oblivious you can act to that. Catfishing isn’t always deception with looks, but lying about aspects of their lives or even being single. You two are in two separate countries, not the next town or city over. That means you have absolutely no idea of what he has going on over there outside of what information he gives you and what you have the capability of confirming online. But that is not enough and when he is being this avoidant of meeting you, in your mind it should surpass the simple and innocent notion of “I want to be with you in person already”, to the red flags going off and being like “hmmm… it is a little shady that he keeps making excuses to get out of us officially meeting in person. Sure maybe he has validated some things but… what if he isn’t being fully honest? What if I don’t know everything, even though we talk back and forth through the day, even though we FaceTime or send pictures… maybe he is pretty good at keep me and other aspects of his life separate”. Like there’s no way that sort of speculation hasn’t passed through your mind.
Can’t be catfished if we have already video chatted…I already know what he looks like.
Windsor is not even far. I am just going to give up on dating all together. I have my own stuff going on my life.
That is literally what I said and makes me feel like you didn’t fully read it. Catfishing is not always in the form of lying about their looks, but aspects of their life that they don’t want you to know. He is in another country where you have no connections or way of validating his life outside of what he is showing you. I’m telling you this from experience, you’re being catfished. The first time or two of excuses were cool but at this point the red flags are high and bright.
Nothing is wrong with trying to date but just do it locally, babe. I have been in your shoes, both a cat fisher and long distance relationships, nothing beats meeting someone close when it’s your time. Timing is everything as well.
And when I say “both a cat fisher” I mean I have been catfished not done it lol, the man was in a different state but same thing, we snap chatted all through the day and FaceTimed at night. He updated me all the time what he was doing with pictures, he did a good job trying to cover his tracks but always bailed each time we tried to meet. There’s more to it but yeah.
I have done locally and they complain too much about distance. I am good, and done with dating as whole…I don’t want a future with anyone at this point
And the person and I video chatted in the morning, night when they would get off work
That’s ok too honey.
Yep, with my guy I video chatted in the morning, Snapchat from morning to lunch when we would FaceTime to eat together, then Snapchat until dinner, we’d eat, watch a movie sometimes then bed. Every single day. How did that work you wonder? Well, he didn’t live with this woman and was only dating her too so he was able to juggle us both I guess.
By Snapchat I mean just fun updates. We both worked full time but a selfie here and there, or a pic of our job activities.
The guy I was talking to is divorce, no girlfriend. Lives alone , goats, chickens, dog and owns land. Was on himg looking for a life partner
Hinge*
There’s just no way on earth you’re this gullible, I won’t believe it. Honey he doesn’t have to have a live-in girlfriend, he can have women he’s met online just as he met you online. With my guy, we met on Match, with paid profiles not free ones. He (allegedly) owned three businesses, had a big house out in the middle of no where, divorced with one grown up kid and wanted something serious.
I deleted his number. And I am about to delete hinge and bumble. I am literally done with dating.
I’m sorry😔