Search Results: like them both

I could not understand why I'm being told I'm not being "cultural" enough as a kid. Sit straight, legs down. Etc.

Truth be told, when you're yelled at for not sitting right in a way that feels life threatening, it only makes your body involuntarily curl up and put your feet up again. That's just fear response.

Well that's my oldest memory of eating food, a daily occurrence.

But then you do learn to sit straight but you chew really really really fast. And you have old people tell you SLOW DOWN, MY DOCTOR TOLD ME TO CHEW SLOWLY, IT IS HEALTHIER.

I assume that means, when they were younger they lived through the same shit.

And then i would hear on podcasts how chewing slowly makes us digest food better. So? Self torment. Just move like a robot. Sudden movements and pauses. Of course i am exaggerating. And i have to, because i am fully certain that more people in the world do a degree of this than not.

And that is the difference between eating and devouring: baseline stress levels. You think you're fine. You truly do. But your body does not.

And, by the way, i really really hope someone will listen to this piece of advice: Never say "I'm fine" if you have even a smallest, quantum sized doubt that you are.

If you do, we cannot be friends. But you are allowed to say "i just don't know, i do not feel at ease."

Not because i haven't figured it out already. But because it is a lie and is harmful to both parties.

But back to the main topic. I LOATHE devouring food greedily. It disgusts me. As soon as i take a bite too huge, i lose appetite, i remember my dad and his friends devouring foodstuff like pigs. Feeling a sense of disgust is good, feel as much of it as you can to train your body not to repeat it. But it isn't not enough, you also need honesty.

For many years i struggled to be different. Now, i am relaxed and perfectly doing the "cultural" thing they all tried to mimic and failed. Just relax and slowly, quietly eat your biologically blessed food.

I have been wanting to get a new pet.

I’ve had 2 dogs and both of them have passed.

I’m torn between these two.

It's impossible to forget them once you have grasped. But i heard about them MORE than a 100 times. And still kept forgetting.

No cognitive issues. But it was a defense mechanism. There is no way that to study it as extensively as i did and keep forgetting it is just a coincidence with me also fearing to be changed. Wanting to be changed but there is a huge reason why i became this way, to survive.

Both of my clinger-pusher parents are fearful-avoidant because of their pretty bad traumas growing up, till this day they get scared when complimented, for example.

And i learnt that the most widespread recommendations are very harmful, like; "it's no use overthinking" or "love your parents" These spoken excuses always push the anxiety further down so tightly it overflows out as irrationality.

i rarely see my parents and when i do i cannot bring myself to tell them:

Forgiving should come naturally, not through ideology. Just like breathwork never worked for me until opening up my emotions triggered the breathing changes naturally. It is ok to look like you're possesed for days while pouring out the repressed anxiety.

They still press it down with either "we blamed them, they wronged us, now forgive and move on" (my dad) or "they suck, let's revenge forever" (my mom).

Last time i told mom "i have had this bad habit forever, it is finally going away!" she rudely acknowledged and dismissed it in one same sentence.

I think everyone who refuses to investigate this topic and to persist until trauma psychology becomes as clear as adding 1+1, is afraid of finding out they have issues - even if they know they do - because we developed our issues as a means to survive. letting go of daddy issues frightens us to death, it has been our survival strategy.

The tragedy is that 40% of all adults have UNRESOLVED infancy anxiety issues and seek relationships to cope with them instead of fixing their body's repressed panic.

I think the answer is a very clear "no" but I have a bias. I am aware of two women who cheated on me, but I have never cheated on anyone. I know how much those experiences hurt me and I can't fathom how someone can love me but, at the same time, inflict such immense pain. The first time it happened, she confessed to me and told me that she loved me. The second time, there was no confession and I only learned about it later, when we were in the process of a divorce. But at the time she was cheating, she was still claiming to love me.

My best guess is that what those women called "love" was not the same thing that I call love. Both of them were somewhat self-centered and I have guessed that their version of love was based upon loving the way that I treated them but not really loving me. I will never know that those two women felt, so I am asking this question in general.

Can someone cheat on their partner while also loving their partner? If so, is it the same love that non-cheaters feel in a relationship. When you answer, you can answer anonymously, but please do indicate whether you have ever cheated or been the victim of cheating, or both.