Why does my mum not want me to have a serious relationship or marry?

[Anonymous]

My mum is not religious. Schizophrenia runs in the family on one side. Both my younger cousin and I have it mildly. Both sides of the family are very supportive of both of us, supporting us at home and with our educations to find work. However, I’ve noticed that while it’s subtle, my parents seem less supportive of the thought of my having a serious relationship since I was diagnosed; and they claim that I am more ambitious and intelligent than my cousin. I’m also older and I’ve had a responsible job as a carer and now I’m studying to work with disabled kids. I’ve proved that I’m capable of holding down a responsible job working as a carer for 3 years where I had to basically be my own manager and write case notes, for people with disabilities, mental illnesses and the elderly, which wasn’t my role because management were so negligent. I’ve recently proven that I can manage without my pension if I want to and work full time, by doing it twice on work placements without symptoms.

I have the impression that from what people are saying, she’s less intelligent and ambitious and less likely to move out, yet I’m the one whose mum doesn’t want to hear her focusing too much on something serious with a man. Why is that, when I’m doing better? Why am I being treated like I’m less capable when I am milder, older and more capable?

[HollyK21]

I don’t think she’ll take any of that boyfriend talk serious until you are out in the world standing on your own two feet. From what I read, you still live at home and rely pretty heavily on your parents. When parents are caretaking you at that capacity, then you are still a kid of sorts to them. In any case, your age range is 35+, meaning you are overly grown and do not need their stamp of approval on your dating life. If you do need their approval at your age then I’d have to agree with your mom that you aren’t ready for that yet.

[WhitneySnow]

Maybe they’re afraid that holding down a job and a relationship will be too difficult for you when you’re already dealing with schizophrenia. They’re probably wrong, but that’s probably what they’re thinking.

[Asker]

Maybe, maybe that's what it is :)

[AngryCarl3]

You're old enough to make your own decisions. You don't need approval from your parents.

[AngryCarl3]

Thanks for MHO!

[Ariesman81Nshiiit]

Mom's always trying to keep kids single. It keeps them needed and relevant.

[DishLady]

Personally, if we had an ailment like that in the family I'd never marry bc marriage = having kids (the way I was raised and the way my community functions), which would mean passing that ailment along to the next generation. I'd never willingly make a person who I knew would have a serious ailment that would plague them their whole lives.

[Nikki1989]

Is that your real age on here?

If so, get control of your own existence.

[slatyb]

Why do you let her control you?

[_Jenny_]

At your age you should be on your own

[jahaims]

You are to crazy to understand how crazy you are