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I recently found out that two couples I used to look up to broke up after +10 years together. Both couples seemed to be made for each other, lived together for many years, no financial issues and I always thought they would eventually end up getting married and have kids. What other issues could've caused the break up?
Unfortunately some long term couples end up getting bored with each other , and realize they no longer really have much in common anymore , so they decide to part ways and go live their separate ways. Kind of what my ex did to me after 20 years of marriage and the kids’ gotten older, she decided she no longer wanted to be committed to me , so we both agreed to go our separate ways after a lot of butting heads with each other , I honestly didn’t think I would end up single again at my age now , but here I am. Most couples that suddenly break up , is usually caused by one of them wanting to be selfish, , and sadly a lot of people have selfishness inside themselves , basically thinking the grass is greener on the other side , so I consider my ex a selfish person , for making her decision to be apart from me so she could be single again and not give a shit about our family. I knew I couldn’t force her to stay with me , because love can’t be forced , so I just accepted it for what it was , and realized I deserve someone that chooses me the same way I choose them , that isn’t selfish that wants a long term relationship until the end. So I now been open to meeting someone else , hoping I find a better girl than my ex
What you mention love can't be forced that hit me hard like a ton of brakes. 😪 Yes my ex fiance hurt my heart. Try being abandon at the altar.
Sorry to hear , that had to be a horrible experience, as well, it just goes to show that sometimes it takes a long time to find someone that truly loves you the way you love them , that wants to be with you until the end , and unfortunately , not everyone experiences that , but all we
Can do is keep trying , hoping we get to experience it before we die. As much as i was sad about my ex , I realized I deserve better and sometimes that better means no one at all , once you have your heart broken multiple times , it becomes harder to give your heart fully again. to someone one else because you realize you don’t ever want to experience heart break ever again. . But we will never know unless we try.
@Kassandra1994 You haven't been the first to suffer "Cold Feet" Syndrome.
@NoDecision I get that a lot people always tell me I had an easy life they speak but have no idea what they arebtalking about. It is best I stay on my own marrying a guy means his mother comes included in the package. I heard a lot of MIL horror stories no thank you single sounds more peaceful.
It can be anything really, in my last relationship it seemed like we were a match made in heaven and true soulmates, In the middle of that relationship I felt like as long as I didn't take her for granted that it would be an indestructible relationship and truly life long. There were never true fights, only disagreements we tried to solve. Most of the time it was a really happy amazing relationship and when something did happen we'd always resolve it quickly. Our compatibility was absolutely of the charts and the bond was so deep it defied physics.
But in our case it was also long distance and the circumstances made it impossible to continue, out of nowhere after we had actually met in person the online no longer fulfilled her and she got incredibly lonely to the point we had to end the relationship since back then it was still the lockdown era and I couldn't visit her to make it right since we were still banned in each others countries.
Ended on a mutual I love you.
So you don't know what happened behind the scenes, either the circumstances made it impossible or they were not as perfect for each other as you thought.
From personal experience, you try to make things work when you have kids... you really have to for their sake... Then you realize that you actually have to split up for their sake... that it's unhealthy for a kid to see their parent constantly being mistreated and hurt, lied to, etc. It teaches them that there are NO CONSEQUENCES to being immoral and unfaithful to the person who loves you and is loyal to you... So... you file for divorce (and an order of protection) to stay alive and avoid the worse of two evils. The end.
In less abusive situations the couple stays together for appearances and a "solid home" for their kids and as soon as the last one has popped off to college the parents exhale, say "thank God" and split up. Some have even had "side pieces" for themselves for years (and with the full knowledge and permission of the other spouse. Go figure.
Yea that pretty much sounds like my marriage , once the kids got older my ex decided she no longer wanted to be with me and blind sided me big time , first she started treating me like shit and then she stopped sleeping in bed with me and belittled me and criticized me every chance she got acting like she was this victim when she was the selfish POS person , never taking accountability for her actions and behaviors and pointing fingers at me like it was my fault when clearly she was the problem. My kids’ saw right through her bullshit and told me numerous times to leave her , but stupid me stayed thinking love would save the day but all it did was write Sucker on my head. She became friends with a girl that was just like her negative and miserable about everything, they were the perfect match for each other and their friendship together was very weird and shady , to the point I assumed they were doing more than just being friends’ My wife completely did a 360 on me and became someone I didn’t know anymore , all she became was a miserable negative person towards me , blaming me for everything and never took accountability for her anything , acting like she was this innocent victim when she was the wack job. Now my kids’ barely want to see her and glad I am no longer with her , she is 52 years old and acts like this immature selfish child thinking she should be catered to at all times , the girl lost her fucking mind
Nah I think by the time long term couples “suddenly” break up, it usually wasn’t sudden to them at all.
It was probably a slow buildup of things they kept private…
From the outside we only see the cute pictures and the stability… the years together… and the “they seem perfect” version. But sometimes it’s a different story inside the relationship
That's very true. People often portrait being happen in reality we'll never know what's actually happening behind closed doors.
I agree with everything you said. It's a slow build up. That's why I think we need time by ourselves to get things going. I might add daily routine at work and exhaustion from work. That takes a heavy toll as well.
My aim on GAG is to decode relationship drama so your heart doesn’t get jump-scared later 😏
Long-term couples rarely break up “suddenly”. It’s usually a slow burn: emotional disconnection, unmet needs, lack of communication, resentment, different life goals, sex fading, or one partner quietly falling out of love.
Sometimes it’s cheating.
Sometimes it’s boredom.
Sometimes it’s “we grew up, but not together.”
Looks perfect from outside, but behind closed doors can be full of tiny red flags nobody sees.
Opinion
29Opinion
My then-wife and I amicably divorced after 20+ years of marriage. The reason is not that complicated. Years before, we decided to get married and raise a family. We did that, and our kids grew into adults and left home. That left just the two of us, and though we originally enjoyed doing things together, that was years ago. Simply put, we grew apart and became more like two individuals than a couple. We still occasionally see each other, at family events, and we get along just fine. We are each remarried, me for 9 years and counting, she for 7 years and counting.
People just don't have the same commitment as they used to. Once the honeymoon phase is over, they start noticing and focusing on the flaws in their partners. They put in less effort as time passes into both the relationship and their own appearance. And slowly the spark they had dies. They LET it die. Then they leave the relationship hoping they'll find the spark again, only to realize they're just restarting something they already had and could have worked on. It's a pathetic state of society. I miss the days when dating apps and social media were not a thing, and people wanted to stay with each other, because getting into contact with others was much harder. Nowadays, everyone is at your fingertips at a moment's notice.
Not really one simple answer witch carft.
I think it's just like any other couple you get together you're happy things are going good and in time you kind of stop communicating the way that you did in the beginning and then there becomes resentment because one person's growing and still living life in the other person just kind of stops
In relationships you have to work at it you have to be on the same page at all times or otherwise you do grow apart
And that's when the problem starts the one who is still energetic and still enjoys life and doing things it starts talking to other people because of the lost communication at home and they keep evolving
And when one stops evolving the other one wants to keep living and live happy keep learning becoming the person they're searching for Within and then that kind of takes a toll and then they want to be with somebody else
I believe when you are in a long relationship without building a commitment to each other you store up bad karma and that kills the happiness of the marriage or engagement after a while. I am not judging those who are in these types of relationships, I am just saying my theory based on what I see in people's lives.
If they've been together for 10+ years and still unmarried, then it's likely they weren't a suitable match and had no compatibility but instead of breaking up earlier, they kept staying to not feel alone.
It could be anything 🤷🏻♂️
It might be that someone has cheated...
Long years do not count as an immunity against divorce, what really counts is your beliefs and his beliefs, if both couple believes that their marriage should work at all costs because the word divorce ain't found in their book than their marriage will easily lasts forever, plus if both of you believes in god's teachings than you're both aware on how to treat each other and to never cheat, these are your ingredients to a forever lasting marriage which is immune to having a divorce!
They just track the divorce rate + , this is because at this point they are not " bound " together , they question..
Is this all there Is? This is my Lot?
With actual divorce running at close to 70 % ( this includes those that don't but should divorce / money / children / houses / family / Church ) ..
It's very positive that these people are smart enough to split up , as it would have happened otherwise..
Don't judge them on time spent , they had the balls / guts to realise it had to happen.
listen, if you ever meet a couple who has been together for almost 10 years and no marriage... there is often a reason why they didn't want to get married. Usually, it's because they don't want to marry the person that they are with, an imperfect match, and they know it but refuse to acknowledge it. But at the same time, the relationship is just too good to ditch. They will date each other until the relationship crumbles... either they get tired of each other or until incompatibility becomes bigger and harder to ignore.
I think a lot of people put up with a lot from their partner trying to make it work, when they never actually fit together. People just not letting go of something that should have been let go of years before.
If that's the reason that's really hard for me to comprehend how it can take so long for people to take such decisions after wasting so many years of their lives.
One of the partners sometimes decide they had enough, or it could be one met someone else and think the new person is better.. or over time love fades because they take each other for granted constantly after a few years. Who knows why, just know that love is never guaranteed in this world even with someone you trust 100%..
only they would know the true answers. it could be a long time of boundaries crossed, pain felt, issues gone neglected. maybe there was unresolved issues that built up over time and they couldn't overcome it. money issues. its sad and disheartening to learn but ultimately if they had to end it then thats how it be.
m After many years, it's never sudden, unless someone is medically breaking down lol, it just feels sudden from the outside because you believed in appearances.
Appearances you may even reinforce based on an image you internally want to see.
That breakup you saw is the last step of a long, possibly very long sequence of disagreements and disputes happening at home, privately, where nobody sees it
Many things can have caused this chronic discontent with the other person but not being willing to make changes for a long time can be part of it. Finding out the other person has been cheating on. You is another reason. Meeting. Somebody else that you decide you want to spend more time with is probably the biggest reason. Most people do not get along with each other well over a long period of time.
1. Long simmering disputes that finally blow up.
2. One or the other realizing that the other person's goals are not the same, generally one wants a family and the other does not.
3. Guys get comfortable in long-term relationships without marriage. They are getting all of the benefits with none of the legal obligations. The woman finally presses the issue and he revolts.
It depends on a case to case basis: boredom, deadbedroom, cheating or one of them couldn't commit to marriage.
No common cause like kids if they grew up a left. People change and are different. I always said the lucky ones are childhood sweeties and people that marry late in life. Later couples have finances taken care of and won't change much afterwords. Plus they know more. Have more time together. No school, debts, more job security.
Got to the point of contentment, and they didn't know how to spice up their life and keep the spark alive, but instead of doing that, they feel like they fell out of love. When they get to that point, there is a higher chance of cheating, because they make they feel that spark and/or thrill.
It could be any number of issues. You'll see them as picture perfect couples, but things change behind closed doors. Infidelity, loss of intimacy, finances, people's goals in life can change, some just mutually grow apart.
Boredom, cheating, suspicions, change in values or change in person/s, or they never really were long term material.
Sometimes the happiest long term couples were "each other's firsts / long sweethearts*
Lol 🤣
Probably because one wanted marriage and the other didn't.
There are a lot of people who want everyone to think that they are really happy together when they really aren't. They put on a front.
You never know what goes on behind closed doors!!
Before getting married for the first time this year, my previous girlfriend of 14 years chased me out of the house after the election in '24 didn't go her way.
They’re bored with each other unfortunately and they argue too much and the man is looking for a younger woman
You can grow apart if you don't make enough efforts to keeping your lives aligned.
The few times I've seen this happen has been after 10 to 15 years together one of the partners of the couple in question ends up travelling a lot for business and ends up cheating on the other partner
Moden people can pretend and fake traditional relationships for a while but it will never last. Cause they dont have any traditional values
Any number unfortunately. It 50% breakup at 8 years and 60% at a decade and another 30% of the remaining at 20 years
@Sirenboobzilla they’re bored with each other
Cheating or commitment issues (one person didn’t want to get married)
Cause people now a days have some serious issues they for these fairy tale relationships not realizing nothing is perfect and anything worth having you have to work at and yes that includes relationships
Somebody just had enough of their partner's SHIT.
There’s an old guy that comes into one of my jobs and he said his wife just threw him out after 58 years, but she might have dementia
People get sick of eachother after spending time together for too long. Its just the way it is
Because of the intrusive mother in law.
I was engaged and in love once with my ex fiance after he left me abodon in the altar something inside changed in me that day. Guys just do not appriciate what they have until its to late.
they get bored
Sometimes relationships just run thier course.
Sexual performance issues.
Cheating or the grass is greener.
Someone probably cheated.
Probably take each other for granted.
Constant nagging, abuse and distrust
People were only meant to be together for 7 years.
Boredom, or lack of loyalty.
The biggest reason would be 'sex'
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