Is it normal that my male friend says he loves me as much as his girlfriend?

[MissSunshine2]

I have a whole mixed group of guy and girl friends. We all have friendships that aren’t sexual, but are more intense than non autistic friendships are.

So, one of my guy friends said that when I invited him over to my house to hang out just as friends, that he’d been concerned about his Asian girlfriend getting jealous and leaving him for visiting me, because in her culture, they don’t believe men and women can just be good friends.

The thing that made me question his feelings is the fact that he doesn’t want to include her in my friendly invitation to hang out with our friend group, so she can see firsthand our mixed friend group and realise there’s nothing sexual or romantic going on. If he has nothing to hide, then why not have her there?

The other thing that’s gnawing at my mind is the fact that he said that he loves me as much as he loves his girlfriend, but in a different way. He said that he loved us both intensely and unconditionally, from the moment he met us, except in my case, there was and is no sexual attraction. So I’m like a sister to him. Are men supposed to love their best girl friend as much as they love their girlfriend? Or should I distance myself a bit, so that it doesn’t make her feel threatened? We usually talk once or twice a week. We catch up every few months. As friends.

[Tarifa]

When feelings are involved and things said that can be ambiguous, I think the friendship is not sound. There should be a clear line.

His feelings for his girlfriend should be way more intense than what he feels for you. Affection, fondness, feeling emotionally close to someone is fine. If he puts his feeling for you on the same level, you need to talk and be up front.

[AngryCarl3]

Have you seen his girlfriend?

[MissSunshine2]

I have. They’re an average looking couple. But they surely have chemistry and they’re happy together I hope 😊

[AngryCarl3]

It's possible he doesn't understand the difference between a girlfriend an a girl who's a friend. For someone who's autistic it's hard to make that distinction.

[choco-latte]

No I don’t think that’s normal. And why is he using the word “intensely”? Would he tell a male friend that he sees as a brother that he loves him “intensely and unconditionally”?

[MissSunshine2]

That’s the thing. Most of my guy friends are straight and some of them have girlfriends and I know and respect that their girlfriends come first. I expect that. Just as they’d expect any boyfriend of mine to come first.

[sage2021]

He probably does love you but in a different way.

There are all types of love.

[sage2021]

Thank you for the MHO 🙂🧡

[WhitneySnow]

I have the feeling he likes you more than he admits

[MissSunshine2]

I ultimately can’t know because I’m not him, but there were a few things he said that gave me a gut feeling that he might be feeling more than a normal friendship feelings.

[WhitneySnow]

I think you’re right

[MissSunshine2]

How should I handle it? I just see him as a friend, a brother figure and he consummated their relationship, made it serious, last month, on their camping trip. So I’m not interested anyway, but even if I hadn’t moved on and ended up liking someone else? The fact that he’s in a committed relationship would be enough to stop me.

[WhitneySnow]

Tell him straight up exactly like you just told me

[MissSunshine2]

I did. He got sulky and denied it but then said he loves us both equally but differently.

[MissSunshine2]

That he’s scared of losing both of us and wants and needs both of us in his life.

[WhitneySnow]

He really likes you as a girl

[MissSunshine2]

I think maybe so. I think he is more attracted to the other girl. Should I step back a lot, keep my distance, out of respect of their relationship?

[WhitneySnow]

I think he wants both of you. But yes I think you should step back out of respect for his relationship.

[MissSunshine2]

Yes, okay, I’ll step back. He does things like reaching out to me when he injured himself and wanting to talk regularly. Things that his girlfriend is there for. Thanks 💕

[WhitneySnow]

You’re welcome!

[Paige2006]

I think he wants to have sex with you.

[eagle1951]

that's weird