Is it normal my boyfriend spends more time with his female friend than me?

[Anonymous]

Kinda feeling unloved by him

[rholcer]

Reading through some of these comments they are all vaildaited for opinion but you really aren't setting yourself up for the best advice, just the words you want to see (Hopefully not to use against him). Some good facts I saw, why is he hanging out with her? Is there a problem she is dealing with that maybe he is experienced in? Have you defined what you expect out of your relationship with him and have come to a compromise. Have you used a nonaccusatory dialogue to explain how you feel and attempted to resolve through compromise? Who has he known longer you or his friend? Then ask yourself, would you feel the same if he was hanging out with his guy friends the same way? Be real honest with yourself here because many times relationships are made difficult because of the fear of a stronger presence of the similar sex. Guys go through it too, of a lady is hanging out more with a guy friend. Maybe sit down and have a conversation, tell him how you feel let him tell youbhow he feels and create a compromise. This if done correctly can only make your relationship better, and even if it doesn't work out, learning to openly communicate will only make you better at other things as well.

[Asker]

I think he's known her longer than me, but I am gonna talk to him about it because it really hurts. I'm not gonna get angry just ask him of there is a way we can spend more time

[rholcer]

It's a good start, no offe we but given your age bracket I would advise to Google a good communication strategy, most follow a 4 phase system that starts with listening, paraphrase to check for understanding, explaining your thoughts and then listening for feedback. Communication is one of the hardest things to nail in a relationship because there are so many feelings but mutual open mindness as well as mutual respect for the view point of others goes a long way. There are no right and wrong in a relationship, it's a series of adaptable compromises.

[truthbeknown]

I don't believe it is normal or healthy. I would never tolerate that and would dump her and move on. Some people just seem to think friends are more important than SO on the social ranking ladder. I personally feel once a relationship becomes established, your friends become secondary. Having friends be the priority is one thing, but when they are opposite sex friends, this is where it gets dangerous. Truth time! Guys only have female friends because they are a potential source of sex, or they have hot other friends that they are sexually attracted too. It is completely naive to think and accept girls and guys can be 100% platonic friends. There is always some sort of sexual interest. Therefore, I would never tolerate my girlfriend having a bunch of guy best friends and/or hanging with them all the time. Complete conflict of interest.

[HeyThereDreamer]

Time to re-evaluate your mentality

[That1tallguy]

Fellow Guy here 🙋‍♂️ although some truth it's very possible to have 100% platonic opposite friend. I do and know others who do

[That1tallguy]

P. s why tf did the emoji come out a girl

[HeyThereDreamer]

@That1tallguy hahahahaha

[truthbeknown]

Then why do some guys think it is ok to sleep in the same bed and cuddle with a female friend, but they don't do that with a fellow male buddy? I'll tell you, because there are sexual feelings there. While I do agree it isn't 100%, you guys are basically full of shit and pussies to hide it and are simply lying to your female friends when you say there is no sexual attraction. Say what you want and deny it all you want. There some feminized beta white knight cucks out there, but everyone else is hoping for a chance one day.

[That1tallguy]

Yea I slept in the same bed of female and male friends side to side but we don't cuddle. Either them or me needed a place to sleep and it's better then sleeping on the floor. Probably about half the female friends I have had I wasn't attracted to at all. I wouldn't doing anything more then a huge.

[That1tallguy]

Some girls have really nice personalities but aren't attractive. That doesn't mean you can't have a platonic relationship. You shouldn't dismiss them just because you don't find them sexualy attractive. You have a really fuck boy mentality if your only reason to have female friends is to possibly fuck them.

[That1tallguy]

If your so sure of your self make a poll right now ask have you ever had a female friend you weren't sexually attracted to.

[truthbeknown]

@That1tallguy LOL, did I hit a nerve with you, bud? You seem really bothered by this!
I don't have to make a new post for this. Just search all the men and women who post questions about their SO spending time with opposite sex best friends and how they don't like it. Do you know why? Because it is a sexual conflict of interest. Enjoy your female friends now. Once you get a serious girlfriend, she won't like you having female friends because she will agree with me too.

[That1tallguy]

Yes because of they're insecurities but not everybody feels that way. But ok think what you want

[truthbeknown]

@That1tallguy www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2683789-my-girlfriends-circle-of-friends-bothers-me-alot

Out of her 13 guy friends, how many had sex with her?

[HeyThereDreamer]

Girls do get jealous if you talk to someone of the opposite sex, it happens to guys as well. This is biological. We can have female friends who we have sexual interest in, same goes for females who have guy friends. But these questions have to be asked and have to be proven in order for your claim to stand valid:

1) Did we act on our sexual interest towards our female friends?

2) Do we feel the same way to all our female friends?

Fortunately, in most cases the answers to both questions is a no. I advice you to relook the way yoy view females, both as friends and as more than that. Perhaps it shall allow you to appreciate them more in a non-sexual manner, and also help you find new female friends that you do not just simply lust over.

For the reasons given above, the argument is dismissed.

[That1tallguy]

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2684042-is-it-possible-to-have-a-platonic-relationship-with-the-oppoisite-sex @truthbeknow tell me how many people said it's possible

[truthbeknown]

@HeyThereDreamer So you say it's ok to spend more time with friends then over your SO?

[truthbeknown]

@That1tallguy Your question is biased towards platonic only behavior. Ask another question how many people have secret crushes or sexual feelings towards their opposite sex friends for true comparison.
I will tell you right off the bat, most people are ashamed, embarrassed and feel guilty so they don' t and won't admit it. But believe me, many people do have sexual feelings towards their friends and because of. Don't demonize me for blowing the whistle.

[truthbeknown]

@HeyThereDreamer Thank you. You don't realize you just proved my point of people having sexual interest due to "biology." You acknowledged those feelings are there. I never said anything about always having to act on them. I was only talking about the interest is there. You only proved I am correct, thanks again!

[Anonymous]

It's normal to feel unloved. Here's my opinion on this subject, I have experience with this.

About six months ago, I started dating my boyfriend. I was well aware of his friends and how many he had, who they were, etc. The thing I was most aware of is the fact that his best friend is a girl and that worried me. All three of us (his best friend, my boyfriend, and myself) had to agree that we wouldn't fight over spending time with this guy.

I feel that having open communication with this subject is most important. Express your concerns with your boyfriend and his friend. Don't be aggressive or controlling with this, just be friendly and open to suggestions.

Trust that your boyfriend or his friend will come to you if anything changes or happens between them or you. Communication is first. Don't continue to beat yourself up over this, just talk to them.

[Coucou1234]

Tell him, maybe his friend is going through something. The best move is to not make any assumptions and be straight up with him. If he's your boyfriend, he shouldn't have any trouble answering any questions about his friend. Don't blame him for anything– that won't get you anywhere. Just ask him calmly about his relationship with his female friend, and tell him how it upsets you. There is no use in being angry, anger doesn't get through to anyone.

[LadyJade007]

In my opinion, no cuz he's been spending more time with his female friend than you and he might fall in love with her then break up with you. He has to spend more time with you since you're his girlfriend but he still can spend time with his female friend. All you have to do is talk to him about this (that you're feeling unloved cuz he's been spending more time with his femae friend than you) and he would understand.

[ElissaDido]

No that's a red flag, you're supposed to be his female bestfriend.

[AustinTXGuy]

No, that's pretty disrespectful of your feelings. He shouldn't prioritize another girl over you. With that said, I know some people have very close friendships with people of the opposite sex, and this can be really confusing to sort out for an SO. But at some point you have to decide yo trust him or not. Most of the time its what it is, a friendship and getting in the middle of that won't help you at all. If he treats you right and displays affection towards you when she's around, you don't have anything to worry about. But if he downplays you in front of her or distances himself from you when she's around, that's not cool and it's pretty clear something else is going on.

[ATuairiscean]

Toughie - How secure are you in your relationship and feel there is no feelings between the two then it just becomes a case of he wants to spend more time with a friend which is a totally different question which I think falls into the quality not quanity answer.

[Asker]

I don't really feel secure in the relationship. He even gives me lacklustre texts now when he was buzzing to see me when we first met

[freakyzeaky]

Depends on how new the relationship is. If his female friend is a childhood friend or a friend of the family, he may be very close to her like a sister. If you have been together for a while though, if he really loves and cares about you, then he would be trying to make as much time as he can to spend with you. I know I would.

[highscore101]

I wld to u guys so damn hatefil i wldnt chill with u maybe its his way of telln u he want hang with a cool chick and not get corrected for all his flaws tht realy armt that bad cld be over looled instead come o. This see i tlk shit spreadn y'all personal bizz. All on out n public chats i do)2l +

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I think you need to talk to your boyfriend and let him know that this upsets you that he spends more time with his female friend than he
does you , don't be afraid to speak what's on your mind.

[bluejay5]

Been there done that, talk to him, if he can't respect your feelings might be time to call it quits, honeymoon period of a relationship is not the time to bring in a 3rd party.

[venomouskitty]

I used to be the female friend nothing ever happened between us romantically but you definitely need to ask him why spending time with her is more important.

[samhradh_leannan]

It's fine for him to have female friends, but if his relationship with you is well established and serious, then you should be his priority.

[Anonymous]

It’s not normal at all! He should spend more time with you then with any of his girlfriends honestly

[ResoluteVili]

Some guys prefer relationships that involve less time with girlfriend, it could mean nothing that he is with his friend, but on the other hand you should keep an eye on him if he is about to cheat on you with this "friend".

[miiszmel]

Hell no. Its not normal!
I would be so pissed off if my boyfriend did this

[FemWorship]

with no more details than this
you aren't really expecting any comments other than
Noooooooooo
... are you?

[nameisnotimportant]

Nope its not if he would love you, then would definetly more time with you

[deraz24]

No I'd tell him how you feel, you're supposed to be the one that loves him and does things for him

[GrayWhi2]

No that's called being an asshole.. Tell him you don't like it.

[Giirrrll]

Completly...

un-normal..

[LastNightmare]

me too feeling unloved.. sad honey.. he should be giving much time to you

[Anonymous]

Why are you still loving him then? Leave him. He is a bad boy

[Asker]

He is far from a bad boy. He couldn't hurt a fly and he's not masculine enough.

[Opinion Owner]

Awww... then he seems cute. Maybe you should talk to him?

[Maya27]

No. But what you gonna do?

[depeche2015]

No it isn't. That'd be a problem for me

[Insanyx12]

Talking with him about it and be honest and open

[Artemisia8]

It's not normal, tell him 'bout your feelings

[Nahid1234]

You should seriously talk about this with him

[HiBye101]

Umm.. No.

[Warmapplecrumble]

It's abnormal

[aestheticsofty]

Not normal

[eagle1951]

that doesn't sound good at all

[thegr8lion]

May be he is more attracted to them

[raj581]

No..

[CT_CD]

Normal

[italiancutie1011]

not normal

[Dauntless07]

It's not healthy.

[Anonymous]

Normal