Why does my male friend think a casual invite to my place means sex?

[MissSunshine2]

I used to like this guy about 6 months ago, who I’ll call *Ian*. Not his real name. Each time I invited him over, to hang out as friends, he thought I was trying to seduce him, even when I spelled it out to him recently that it wasn’t a date. He said it depends what happens at the time. I am mystified, as I’ve never tried to seduce Ian and my invitation was to hang out as friends and eat, which I clarified each time, as a friendly, non sexual catch up, which is something I’ve done with all my other guy friends and girl friends and none of them have ever assumed I was after them.


I did used to like him, about 6 months ago, but when he said he wasn’t interested in more than friendship, I accepted it and moved on. I met someone else more recently, about a month ago that I like a lot more than I liked Ian. So I’m hoping to date this other guy once I finish my tafe course. I haven’t given Ian a second thought except as an honorary brother, for ages. I know this, because I’m always thinking about the other guy now instead and I not only don’t mind that Ian has a girlfriend now that he’s slept with, but I’m genuinely thrilled for him and I want it to work out for them.


So can someone please enlighten me on what inviting friends over for lunch or dinner has to do with wanting sex? To me, they’re two completely different invitations and if I was interested in sex I’d be more specific rather than being coy about it?

by the way, we both have Asperger’s Syndrome, mildly.

[andreasderjuengere]

For your enlightenment out of my own enlightenment:

See it as a compliment. ''We'' (men with a functional wiring) are often enough invited for food consuming events by ladies who -say- do not fully match our romantic visual expectations.

Practically: lunch or dinner can easily be prepared or purchased by ourselves.

As intelligent beings (mostly, that is) ''we'' now of course analyse such an invitation for underlying motivations. And indeed, one of those is the perspective of post-meal intimate activity.

Agreed: everything would be a lot easier if people would adopt the habit of clearly communicating; which may be difficult from a woman's perspective. Since centuries men are trained to hear the unspoken and to read the unwritten from a woman's mouth or hand.

This is a compliment as well - I like women (with a functional wiring) the way they typically are.

As a good number of people (even in this insane 21st century) have enough civilized manners to not escalate situations beyond the expectations on either side, you can assume your lunches and dinners with others as being safe.

Thus, sex for dessert is a realistic option, but not a necessity.

[MissSunshine2]

I see, but how is it a compliment that he keeps thinking about sex, each time I’ve invited him over, to the point where I’ve decided I don’t want him to visit me?

[andreasderjuengere]

His intentions about your interaction are consistent. And he's clear about this. No games.
I think that this is honest.
And it is your own right to not want it like this.
The 'compliment': he finds you attractive.

[MissSunshine2]

But he’s told me that he doesn’t find me attractive. Do you mean in his own way, he’s been up front about what he wants from me? But in a coy sort of way?

[andreasderjuengere]

I think you see it correctly.
And as he doesn’t find you attractive, you can offer him a sheep or a kangaroo?
(his 'wiring' does not match yours, apparently)

[MissSunshine2]

😂😂😂😂

[spartan55]

@MissSunshine2
He lies like a Persian rug. He is attracted to you 100%.

[Still-alive]

You should drop this ‘friend’ he just wants in your panties. He will try to push your boundaries despite you saying no too. I don’t trust him.

[MissSunshine2]

My gut feeling told me the same thing. That he’s decided I’m attractive enough to sleep with, rather than date. But I haven’t wanted to do either thing with him for 6 months.

[OlderAndWiser]

There are many people who are not direct about expressing their intentions. He doesn't know whether you are being sincere or if you are one of those afraid-to-express-directly people who invites someone to their home for Netflix and chill, hoping that if becomes bed and bumping uglies. And some guys treat the friendzone as a challenge and opportunity to prove their powers of seduction.

[sage2021]

A lot of women would say yes to him so he's seeing if you are one of them.

[MissSunshine2]

He’s just an ordinary looking bloke. Some women would. Many others wouldn’t.

[slatyb]

That's the usual assumption the first time. Have you made it clear that you don't want that?

[MissSunshine2]

Yes, I’ve said explicitly that I mean as friends, without sex. Just eating and talking and watching tv. Earlier this year, I mentioned meeting my cat and he thought I was being dirty. I was just saying I’ve got a pet cat and I wanted him to meet it and he said he potentially wanted to meet it. 🙄

[MissSunshine2]

He said he wasn’t attracted to me. So I took him at his literal, direct word and lost interest romantically. Now I am confused by his behaviour.

[MissSunshine2]

I caught him giving me a few intense looks over the dinner table, two glances and a glance up through his eyelashes, but I ignored it.

[In_Trance]

What else could it possibly mean?
Secondly, guys never want to be friends. Ever
I'm not convinced women do either

[MissSunshine2]

The same thing it means with all my other friends; a completely innocent lunch or dinner and some conversation.

[MissSunshine2]

But I get the point of what you’re trying to say. That he is trying to seduce me and that saying he’s not attracted to me is a ploy.

[Anonymous]

He's horny guy

Causal sex with no strings
Especially if you had sex with him before?

So you're right to say no

And stick with your plan to date new guy

[MissSunshine2]

I’ve never slept with this guy.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh sorry
Then he's creepy

[Iron_Man]

be careful doing that a lot of guys think that way

[rojodefender]

Either he's running on the assumption you're still interested or he's projecting his own hope. Or both.

[Paige2006]

Has it ever happen before (sex)?

[MissSunshine2]

Not with this guy.

[genericname85]

It's called "wishfully thinking".

[AngryCarl3]

Wishful thinking.

[eagle1951]

i'm betting yes sex

[MissSunshine2]

I don’t understand?

[MissSunshine2]

I invite my other best guy friend over all the time and we never had sex. Nor was it my plan.

[Nihilist__]

I would not

[MasterKS]

it is mostly.

[Anonymous]

Aaaaaaah aaaaaaah

[MissSunshine2]

Gross.

[Opinion Owner]

Aaaaaaah aaaaaaah aaaaaaah aaaaaaah aaaaaaah aaaaaaah aaaaaaah aaaaaaah aaaaaaah aaaaaaah aaaaaaah aaaaaaah aaaaaaah

[Opinion Owner]

You're so hot 🔥 🔥

[MissSunshine2]

😂😂😂😂😂😂. That’s debatable.

[Opinion Owner]

Aaaaaaah aaaaaaah aaaaaaah
Mwah mwah mwah come here

[MissSunshine2]

Go away, you mad person 😂😂😂

[Opinion Owner]

Im in love with you babe
Mwah mwah mwah touch ya boobies 🥰🥰

[MissSunshine2]

Sure you are 😂😂😂

[Opinion Owner]

Yes you can see my love when I moan your name while make outs with you 💋💋

Aaaaaaah im hard now

[MissSunshine2]

Really? Well I can’t say as I’ve ever witnessed any guy doing that, so I assume we never met 😂

[Opinion Owner]

I love you aaaaaaah

[MissSunshine2]

😂😂😂😂😂😂

[Opinion Owner]

I love you even when im not horny 🥰

[MissSunshine2]

You can’t love someone you’ve never met.

[Opinion Owner]

Love is blind my love. .
Come here mwah 😘

[Opinion Owner]

Oh god she is blushing 🥰🥰