Can someone really love you if they are unfaithful to you?

Question

I think the answer is a very clear "no" but I have a bias. I am aware of two women who cheated on me, but I have never cheated on anyone. I know how much those experiences hurt me and I can't fathom how someone can love me but, at the same time, inflict such immense pain. The first time it happened, she confessed to me and told me that she loved me. The second time, there was no confession and I only learned about it later, when we were in the process of a divorce. But at the time she was cheating, she was still claiming to love me.

My best guess is that what those women called "love" was not the same thing that I call love. Both of them were somewhat self-centered and I have guessed that their version of love was based upon loving the way that I treated them but not really loving me. I will never know that those two women felt, so I am asking this question in general.

Can someone cheat on their partner while also loving their partner? If so, is it the same love that non-cheaters feel in a relationship. When you answer, you can answer anonymously, but please do indicate whether you have ever cheated or been the victim of cheating, or both.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

No cheating on someone you claim to love is not love whatsoever, because if you truly loved them, you wouldn’t be cheating on them period. Cheaters just say they love their partner to cover up their tracks , to make their partner less suspicious of their actions and behaviors , cheating is a selfish act and behavior period , and in most cases , it’s plotted beforehand , basically the cheater already plotted on how they are going to cover their tracks, so they don’t get busted by their partner , unless the cheating happened immediately. But overall the cheater only loves themselves , they don’t love their partner , they only like the convenience of their partner, while they are weighing their options with the other person they are sleeping with . Cheating Girls’ usually do this the most , because she is looking for someone else to take care of her thinking she deserves better than what she already has , , so she will act like she is this victim to her friends’ etc. and talk shit about her current partner to them basically saying he does this and does that and he doesn’t love me to give her an excuse for her selfish actions and behaviors , when really she is the Selfish POS person that only loves herself , so if your girl is cheating on you , let the other guy have her because she is straight up trash and in a matter of time she will eventually cheat on him or he will cheat on her. I have witnessed and experienced this plenty of times before , and it all pretty much ends up with the same conclusion. Never take back a cheating partner and realize you deserve way better than that shit , I don’t care how much you love and care about them or how beautiful or attractive they are , they are selfish scum that only truly love themselves , they do not know how to truly love someone else. I have slept with a handful of married women and taken girls’ that lied to my face and told me she was single when really she wasn’t , to find out after the fact that she was already in a relationship to find out she was latching on to me to save her , acting like she was this victim to her current partner when really he was the victim to her selfish actions and behavior.

Chazmatazz269 · Accepted Answer

Absolutely not. Love is a series of commitments to another person. Cheating is the complete dissolution of at least one of those commitments. Cheating is therefore diametrically opposed to love. Cheaters just say “I love you” in an attempt to keep their cake and eat it too. It’s a lie. Even if you don’t believe that love means putting someone else’s happiness above your own, cheating is a function of extreme selfishness. No exceptions.

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

Cheating on a partner is about the cheater, not the partner. The cheater feels they aren't getting something they feel is essential in the relationship from their partner, but instead of DISCUSSING this WITH the partner, they take what might, at first, seem an easy out. Go to someone else.

But the cheating complicates the SO relationship, which will start to be haunted by lies, and the two cheaters' relationship too. An awful mess ensues.

I'm sure someone can love the person they're cheating on, but not ENOUGH to WORK on the relationship, or to value the relationship enough. Cheating is running away from adult action. It's hurtful, angry and foolish. I also think it's cowardly.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

No. If they're capable of being fickle then they don't really love or respect you.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

My aim on GAG is to decode messy relationship stuff and sprinkle a little truth serum on it for you 💋

Someone can “feel” love and still cheat, but it’s usually immature, selfish, conditional love. More like: “I love how you make me feel” rather than “I choose you and protect us.” Real love doesn’t casually risk destroying you.

You’re right: your definition is deeper. Cheating is a huge red flag, not a love language.

ohsheeT · Answer

Love is powerful and there are so many different types of love and different levels of love and different understanding of love

And im sure a cheater that gets caught can justify all the above.
Or try as they are blaming there partner somehow

And if they start blaming there partner they have no concept of what love really is and knew exactly what they were doing when they did it most of them do though they just think they're smarter than their partner and they're not going to get caught

And with all the above I would have to say yes and no

The no means you understand me and you're also committed you may be Val to that person
You gave your word and that's all you have in this world

If you feel the need to cheat then just get a divorce first

Many people stop growing together they stay married for stupid reasons and then they cheat and they get caught and be better just to walk away get a divorce and then do what you want to do if that's what is going on in your life

AviatorTom · Answer

Cheating often happens because of opportunity. It doesn't necessarily mean the cheater doesn't love their partner. On the contrary, it usually reveals their items insecurities.

AgentG111 · Answer

Yes because we don't know what they believe or understand love to be. Also what's their background. In the 2000s so much has changed from a traditional family and the roles of each person in a relationship/marriage/Couple.

Always remember don't judge but look and review and ask and question before passing judgement. Each human being is different.

I can definitely say even though my children understand what the tradition style of role is with a man and woman and they understand they can change and must change and adapt to the living they chose. They know I'll offer my advice but they also must make their own way in the world and I'm there to help guide or give my advice to them it's still changes with their needs and wants.

I can honestly say that I have an ex wife that said she loved me but her form of love was that of taking care of her in a home car and money and she wanted to love freely based on what she saw in her mother. Main reason we are divorced is she was in love with being married to provider not a man not a companion not a husband. Just a wallet.

Crimsyjo · Answer

I do believe if you love someone you wouldn't cheat. I suppose it's possible that someone might cheat and that makes them realise they really love you. But I really dislike cheating.

I didn't physically cheat on my ex husband but I did fall out of love and that's when I started having more emotional attachment to other men online before finally ending it. Ending a relationship isn't always easy when you have kids together. But not is staying in a relationship when you no longer love or feel loved by your partner.

BCRanger10 · Answer

I don't particularly think so. Maybe if they have some kind of legitimate addiction to attention, sensuality, sex, or something like that, I suppose it's possible. But even if that's the case, then they'd have to be making sincere strives and efforts to overcome and break the addiction and be entirely faithful.

In most cases though, I don't think so. Among those "most cases", they're either immoral jerkwads or hiding behind some kind of hurt or pain. There's one user here, a "beautiful adult female" let's say, who, assuming "she" is real (and for the record, I'm not totally convinced this account is... probably just a rage-baiting troll), it's perfectly obvious she doesn't love her husband.

So bottom line, "can"? Maybe. "Do" though? In most cases, doubtful.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

Absolutely.

Because love and faithfulness are 2 distinct worlds.

Love is about feeling, faithfulness is about ethics. Sometimes, even often I hope, these 2 worlds cooperate seamlessly which make them looking like the same thing. But they're really not. Rules, principles, ethics, all of that are simple mechanisms. Love is not. Love is chaos, happy version, or sad one.

And to make things even more complicated, while love seems to be a universal feeling at core, it has an essentially subjective nature, in the form it takes for anyone saying they love someone. Then we, when listening to someone telling us they love us, interpret what they mean based on relatively thin information, mainly our own definition, which isn't theirs. Not until proven otherwise, I'd say.

Purpleronnie · Answer

I think I can understand where your coming from , love seems incompatible with infidelity because of the level of betrayal not forgetting the questions raised around honesty , respect , commitment , consideration etc

But

Love and fidelity are not the same thing although very much related in the sense of the ideals we place around them.

The truth is that although at least one half of the relationship loves the other , sometimes cheating is from selfishness , insecurity, unmet needs , desire for sexual validation , lack of impulse control and last but not least opportunity

Essentially , someone can love you and still betray you , love is a feeling whilst faithfulness is a choice so the question isn’t whether they loved you it’s whether they loved you well.

choco-latte · Answer

I really don’t think so. How can they love you and disrespect/humiliate you at the same time? Also expose you to hurt, and possibly diseases? If they really loved you I think they wouldn’t even get aroused enough to cheat on you because the thought of hurting and betraying you would overpower any temptation or desire.

PeachyPie93 · Answer

I think you can care about the person and "love" them but it isn't like being in love with them. When you are in love, you don't pay attention to anyone else. When you just have love for them its like you care about them and probably don't want to lose them from your life but you and your feelings still come before them.

worldscolide · Answer

No. I would go further and say cheaters are narcissistic monsters, not capable of loving anyone but them selves. Any claim otherwise is bullshit. They are monsters who exist without empathy, without a soul.

Just_Ken · Answer

No. A woman who truly loves and respects you will never betray you.

Twalli · Answer

Love is different than respect. You cannot cheat and still respect your significant other or the relationship you have. So, cheaters can still love the person they're cheating on, but they are not respecting that person nor the relationship.

AMS700CX4u2 · Answer

To cheat you have to be thinking Me and you have stopped thinking We.

molonski2 · Answer

The answer to the question is a big.. YES , of course.

exitseven · Answer

They may believe that they love their partners but they are lying to themselves. If they really loved them they would not be cheaters/.

Staximus · Answer

If you love somebody you’re not going to cheat and that’s it

Kelly6 · Answer

@olderandwiser Answer is yes and I know it will upset many people. But sex and love are not same thing

AngryCarl3 · Answer

I'm going to go ahead and assume that GaG changed your question. Voted.

slatyb · Answer

Whether they believe they are in love with you or not is immaterial. Their thoughts don't affect you. If they have agreed to a monogamous relationship and they are cheating, they don't respect you, they don't care about how their actions affect you.

Aiko_E_Lara · Answer

Yes they can. I mean if they love taking advantage of someone. They love the abuse them. They love to manipulate them.

MrChinaski · Answer

Good people do bad things sometimes. Loving people do things that breach that love and trust. It's immorality. That doesn't mean the love isn't real. Goodness and badness coexist. That's life.

andreasderjuengere · Answer

Specify "unfaithful" please.
In my own case I am absolutely loyal to my Missus, and love her as much as the traditional term allows for.
But she decided to be too "old" for sex - so I compensate elsewhere.

Agatha01 · Answer

No cause if they did they wouldn't risk their partner health with a chance catching an STD.

Anonymous · Answer

It depends, if your a cuckold then cheating is arguably a display of love to your betrothed

Anonymous · Answer

Can I just say
Maybe the person being cheated on is a bitch and needs to reconsider how nice they are to their partner

It's not black and white does he love me?
He cheated so he doesn't
He didn't cheat so he does

Some relationships contain very little love

Kelley1 · Answer

Men can. For them, sex is fun.

WhitneySnow · Answer

I agree with you 100%

ThisSiteSux · Answer

I've loved all of the girls I cheated on. I still love most. Hell I've slept with girls I loved and cheated on with each other in a three way.

Soapsoaplady · Answer

Yes if your name is @Nikki1989

WhiteBoyChill · Answer

Nah f cheaters

Anonymous · Answer

Probably not, I kind of doubt it.

Smileygirl2000 · Answer

No..

Agape93 · Answer

Nope not at all

jahaims · Answer

Obviously not

Cidknee · Answer

The 3rd one.

Can someone really love you if they are unfaithful to you?

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