i dont think u can turn love on and off like a switch.. i dont think love is a concious choice.. like your heart beat.. you have no control over love or your heart beat. I think if you really love them you prob have to forgive them.. I tihnk some peopele can make a bad mistake.. regret it.. learn from it.. and decide for themselves they never want to make that mistake again.. 2nd time tho. i think the whole relationship was based on a fraud.. you fooled yourself if you married osmeone who cheats on you. you made a foolish bad decision and now your going to pay for it.. hopefully you will figure out what you did wrong.. and not just blame the cheater.. so you dont repeat the same mistakes.. blame absolves you.. blame resists change.. pain gives you a chance to change.. dont blame.. feel the pain.. and learn how to change to avoid it in the future. the cheater is who they are.. they always were.. you had a flaw in your selection process that you didn't detect that and that's what you need to change.. you can't blame someone for being themself.. ya there might have been fraud.. but.. still the burden is on you. to make sure.. befoer you unzip or.. say i do. me.. yes.. i couold still love someone who cheated on me.. but woudl i stay with them? gve them another chance? depends how sincere i beleieve their regret and conviction for future behaviour was.. yeah i wuold forgive cus i love them.. but i woudlnt forget.. so going forward there would be trust issues.. till they have had time to priove they are a new person. can they change? yeah i thank they can.. cus if they love you.. andhurt you ll and realize how much they did love you.. and hurt you.. theymight resolve ot never do that again. sometimes you don't relaize what you have.. till you lose it.. and this event might make them realize what is really importanttothem.. on the other hand people who will cheat and not really regert it.. are people who love the relationship (perks) not you.. meaning if a better deal comes along they will drop you and grab it.. what you wanna find is someoen who in sickness or health rich or poor.. someone who if you had nothing.. would still want to be nowhere else but with you.. someone wh will be besideyou when you grow old if your crippled if your bankrupt.. cus they didn't realoy care about any of that other stuff.. al lthey every wanted was you.. hta'ts hte person you wanna find.. beware the persons who want your stuff or your situation or your body.. not neccesarily you.. they wil cheat on you.. and there is no redemption there.
That's nice however the guys I did like that way didn't love me the same at first. So I think sometimes it's more we take for granted what we have cause we have it all t hff e time and dont appreciate it as much because weve been hurt by the guys that we did love unconditionally.
I don't think I would stop loving them. But trust would have been shattered. And while I know it's possible to put it back together, it would probably be the hardest thing I will have ever done
Love is tricky, and not just love, even the mind and heart are much more trickier than love. An occurrence that hurt the heart can not easily be forgotten, well yea even after being hurt you still find out you are inlove with the person, but it’s only going to stay until your memories starts declining due to time. I believe trust is the pillar that holds love and any relationship, and when trust leaves, it’s only a matter of time before the whole relationship collapses. P. S there’s no way you can ever completely trust someone that was once unfaithful
Of course I would. My love isn't going to shut off just because they made a choice to be with someone else. It doesn't mean I will want to stay in the relationship though.
I could love somebody if they cheat but I would not choose to stay with them if that happened unless there were children involved - then I'd stay until the kids were 13 or 19 and then break up
Not in my experience I had a girlfriend dump me in high school over a false Brummer she heard about me, she later a sobbing mess begged me to take her back, I said yes to cheee her up short term, or maybe I just could convince myself to say no to her in her current state. Either way I didn't mean it, she didn't trust me so I was done, I was angry, wasn't sad, I didn't feel anything toward her, I was completely numb to her. We didn't talk for a while, now were sorta friends but it's an awkward friendship.
I get the feeling till this day that she would like to try again but I dont see it happening, I think she knows she messed up, and like I said I'm not mad just numb so I'm not gonna be a dick and throw her mistake in her face, but I dont think I could ever be more than friends with her.
Yes. About 15-25% of relationship failures can be put back together. The rest implode.
About 75% of LTR's endure some kind of infidelity. Cheating is pretty well split 50-50 by gender, but women are better liars so the stats are skewed to men. 75% of divorces are initiated by women - they are the first to throw in the towel. The guy will tend to stay and hope and pray things will improve.
People cheat for all kinds of reasons, but primarily there is something they are missing in the primary relationship. And while you cannot blame the victim of cheating, there is nearly always culpability for failures in the relationship.
The bottom line is that happy couples in love don't cheat.
A broken marriage is like a shattered tea cup. And while you can glue it back together and it becomes perfectly serviceable for serving tea again, you can always see the cracks.
@Juxtapose - You simply don't know that. Life isn't black and white, I guarantee it. People cheat for a reason. If you remove that reason it usually fixes it. About 15-20% of the time. The rest of the time you're right - they're likely to do it again.
@Juxtapose - My first wife thought cooking cleaning and fucking were three cities in china. I found plenty of women that wanted me WAY more than she did. I was her plow-horse. Everything was good as long as I was DOING for HER. In retrospect I was looking for a better option. I found several, and finally left her for one. That notion that 'once a cheater always a cheater' is false. When the cause for cheating was removed - i. e.; a beautiful woman that worshiped and adored me, and committed to me, there was no longer a reason to cheat - I have been true to her for more than thirty years.
So essence you're right, if you're truly in love with someone you don't cheat on them. If you're not then all bets are off. I never felt bad or guilty - she had it coming.
When we finally split she was more upset about losing her fancy house I built for her than ME. She didn't give two-shits about me - it was ALWAYS about HER. A giant mistake on my part - I just didn't know any better, and I settled. I was 22 when I married my first.
The new marriage wasn't always peaches and cream however. It took a lot of years for things to really mature into a fully-found working marriage. A LOT of issues to overcome. But it's been over thirty years now. All the kids are grown and gone - our youngest is 26.
I actually agree. No household or bedroom efforts meant the relationship was done anyway. Women who don't put out typically have a side bitch of their own.
No. If you can't be loyal to the one person you are suppose to be loyal to, then what good are you? If she can say she loves me then betray me for something so readily, so easily then its clear she never loved me and I in return cannot love her because she clearly wasn't the person I thought she was. The entire relationship was an illusion.
For me I'm hoping to have the sanity of mind to have a sit down with them and being honest and open to ask them if they are happy with me and if they are not, I'd want them to be with someone that they were happy with. Even asking is our relationship something you want? I'd like to be strong enough and open to do that because I feel like its the right thing to do
Yes, depending on the situation and who you are. Not a lot of people agree with this therory but loving someone and pleasure are two different things. there's a plethora of ways to define cheating , and truly cheating is an extremely painful experience for anyone to go through. Cheating is defined by your own standards , which also tells you what you can and can't handle. As I have gotten older , I'm starting understand why it happens more and more to even the most loving couples.
Love doesn't end immediately when disappointment hits. Is no more about love is more of trust. The question comes up. Can I still trust my partner? When trust is broken suspicions arise and cause frustration and frustration turns to hate and love finally faints.
It depends on them, their situation, and loving and being "in love" are not exactly the same. But in my opinion you can, but it's usually not a smart move. I'd say teach yourself how to let go and remember if you're not okay now eventually you can or will be
No I wouldn't, because I would never be able to trust the person again. Every time he was away from me, I would always suspect him of being with another woman. Those thoughts would never be able to leave my mind, because he put them there when he cheated the first time. I would rather find someone new than deal with all the new suspicions I would have.
You’ll not stop loving them, you can’t stop loving someone that’s why it hurts so much. You’ll be angry and you’ll hate what they did to you but you’ll still love them. You might need to love them from a distance though because you don’t deserve to be betrayed in such a way.
Nope. Deal breaker. Its the female equivalent of a man resorting to violence although it is not viewed that way (and yes both can cheat just as both can go violent, but for the most part men tend to act out violently and women sexually). And if they went there they will again.
I might still love them but I wouldn't trust them anymore. And a relationship is based on trust. So, even though I might still love them, it would feel like that person broke up with me. In essence, they did. I wouldn't stick around. I would mourn, but I would get over it.
Love yes! Absolutely. Continue in a healthy relationship? That’s an entirely different thing. My now ex wife was cheating for 2 years with several men, I still love her with every breath I take. but we just couldn’t get past it no matter how much I wanted and tried to forgive her. It would take her wanting to be forgiven and trying to fix things if not you’ll never get through it.
Still love? Yes, that doesn't just go away but i would not be able to be in a relationship with them or even speak to them anymore. I don't cheat and i expect the same from them. Break up with me and call me a loser piece of sh-- with a small cock for all i care and we could still be friends after everything calms down, lie or cheat on me once and i wouldn't ever acknowledged you existed again. Just not worth the effort because if they do it once they will most likely do it again and again.
As much as I want to say, "no," I think it'd be hard to suddenly stop loving soneone, even if they did something horrible like that to me. I might lose my trust, and probably try to end the relationship, but I can't say id be able to lose my love
I can't switch off my feelings instantaneously so I would still love my boyfriend if he cheated on me. However, I would not want to continue loving him and I would try to get over the feelings of love and affection as quickly as possible.
It's not a test of anything. One person has betrayed the other, it's finished. No I wouldn't love them. Loyalty is a big thing for me, once you betray me my feelings disappear no matter who you are.
Love doesn’t hurt disappointments do. I will still love him but moving on would be hard and I’d need my time and space as to whether I want to continue with the relationship or not
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