Would you still be able to love someone after they’ve been unfaithful?

[Desconhecida]

That's the hardest test of all...

[websterII]

i dont think u can turn love on and off like a switch.. i dont think love is a concious choice.. like your heart beat.. you have no control over love or your heart beat. I think if you really love them you prob have to forgive them.. I tihnk some peopele can make a bad mistake.. regret it.. learn from it.. and decide for themselves they never want to make that mistake again.. 2nd time tho. i think the whole relationship was based on a fraud.. you fooled yourself if you married osmeone who cheats on you. you made a foolish bad decision and now your going to pay for it.. hopefully you will figure out what you did wrong.. and not just blame the cheater.. so you dont repeat the same mistakes.. blame absolves you.. blame resists change.. pain gives you a chance to change.. dont blame.. feel the pain.. and learn how to change to avoid it in the future. the cheater is who they are.. they always were.. you had a flaw in your selection process that you didn't detect that and that's what you need to change.. you can't blame someone for being themself.. ya there might have been fraud.. but.. still the burden is on you. to make sure.. befoer you unzip or.. say i do. me.. yes.. i couold still love someone who cheated on me.. but woudl i stay with them? gve them another chance? depends how sincere i beleieve their regret and conviction for future behaviour was.. yeah i wuold forgive cus i love them.. but i woudlnt forget.. so going forward there would be trust issues.. till they have had time to priove they are a new person. can they change? yeah i thank they can.. cus if they love you.. andhurt you ll and realize how much they did love you.. and hurt you.. theymight resolve ot never do that again. sometimes you don't relaize what you have.. till you lose it.. and this event might make them realize what is really importanttothem.. on the other hand people who will cheat and not really regert it.. are people who love the relationship (perks) not you.. meaning if a better deal comes along they will drop you and grab it.. what you wanna find is someoen who in sickness or health rich or poor.. someone who if you had nothing.. would still want to be nowhere else but with you.. someone wh will be besideyou when you grow old if your crippled if your bankrupt.. cus they didn't realoy care about any of that other stuff.. al lthey every wanted was you.. hta'ts hte person you wanna find.. beware the persons who want your stuff or your situation or your body.. not neccesarily you.. they wil cheat on you.. and there is no redemption there.

[Kimgary]

Nice write up there websterll, follow me, let’s talk in private

[Rebecka33]

That's nice however the guys I did like that way didn't love me the same at first. So I think sometimes it's more we take for granted what we have cause we have it all t hff e time and dont appreciate it as much because weve been hurt by the guys that we did love unconditionally.

[Secure12]

@Rebecka33 absolutely

[Grond21]

I don't think I would stop loving them. But trust would have been shattered. And while I know it's possible to put it back together, it would probably be the hardest thing I will have ever done

[Secure12]

I too agree with you on that

[Grond21]

Yeah

[Kimgary]

Love is tricky, and not just love, even the mind and heart are much more trickier than love. An occurrence that hurt the heart can not easily be forgotten, well yea even after being hurt you still find out you are inlove with the person, but it’s only going to stay until your memories starts declining due to time. I believe trust is the pillar that holds love and any relationship, and when trust leaves, it’s only a matter of time before the whole relationship collapses. P. S there’s no way you can ever completely trust someone that was once unfaithful

[Secure12]

True. Trust is the foundation of every relationship

[Oceanlust]

Of course I would. My love isn't going to shut off just because they made a choice to be with someone else. It doesn't mean I will want to stay in the relationship though.

[jennifer_bloom]

I could love somebody if they cheat but I would not choose to stay with them if that happened unless there were children involved - then I'd stay until the kids were 13 or 19 and then break up

[TonyV]

Not in my experience I had a girlfriend dump me in high school over a false Brummer she heard about me, she later a sobbing mess begged me to take her back, I said yes to cheee her up short term, or maybe I just could convince myself to say no to her in her current state. Either way I didn't mean it, she didn't trust me so I was done, I was angry, wasn't sad, I didn't feel anything toward her, I was completely numb to her. We didn't talk for a while, now were sorta friends but it's an awkward friendship.

[TonyV]

I get the feeling till this day that she would like to try again but I dont see it happening, I think she knows she messed up, and like I said I'm not mad just numb so I'm not gonna be a dick and throw her mistake in her face, but I dont think I could ever be more than friends with her.

[Browneye57]

Yes. About 15-25% of relationship failures can be put back together. The rest implode.

About 75% of LTR's endure some kind of infidelity.
Cheating is pretty well split 50-50 by gender, but women are better liars so the stats are skewed to men.
75% of divorces are initiated by women - they are the first to throw in the towel. The guy will tend to stay and hope and pray things will improve.

People cheat for all kinds of reasons, but primarily there is something they are missing in the primary relationship. And while you cannot blame the victim of cheating, there is nearly always culpability for failures in the relationship.

The bottom line is that happy couples in love don't cheat.

A broken marriage is like a shattered tea cup. And while you can glue it back together and it becomes perfectly serviceable for serving tea again, you can always see the cracks.

[Juxtapose]

It's a matter of self respect man. A cheater didn't give the relationship an honest effort or ever really cared.

[Browneye57]

@Juxtapose - You simply don't know that. Life isn't black and white, I guarantee it.
People cheat for a reason. If you remove that reason it usually fixes it. About 15-20% of the time. The rest of the time you're right - they're likely to do it again.

[Juxtapose]

Would *you* ever cheat on someone you truly loved?

[Browneye57]

@Juxtapose - Been on both sides of this, several times... a bit of expert on the subject. What would you like to know?

Generally you're right though, happy couples in love don't cheat.

[Juxtapose]

"What would you like to know?"

Why did you cheat when you did? What was your thought process and feelings at the time?

[Browneye57]

@Juxtapose - My first wife thought cooking cleaning and fucking were three cities in china. I found plenty of women that wanted me WAY more than she did. I was her plow-horse. Everything was good as long as I was DOING for HER.
In retrospect I was looking for a better option. I found several, and finally left her for one. That notion that 'once a cheater always a cheater' is false. When the cause for cheating was removed - i. e.; a beautiful woman that worshiped and adored me, and committed to me, there was no longer a reason to cheat - I have been true to her for more than thirty years.

So essence you're right, if you're truly in love with someone you don't cheat on them. If you're not then all bets are off. I never felt bad or guilty - she had it coming.

When we finally split she was more upset about losing her fancy house I built for her than ME. She didn't give two-shits about me - it was ALWAYS about HER. A giant mistake on my part - I just didn't know any better, and I settled. I was 22 when I married my first.

The new marriage wasn't always peaches and cream however. It took a lot of years for things to really mature into a fully-found working marriage. A LOT of issues to overcome. But it's been over thirty years now. All the kids are grown and gone - our youngest is 26.

[Browneye57]

by the way - where's 'asker' in all this? :)

[Juxtapose]

"I never felt bad or guilty - she had it coming."

I actually agree. No household or bedroom efforts meant the relationship was done anyway. Women who don't put out typically have a side bitch of their own.

And yeah, the asker is just gooone.

[hellionthesagereborn]

No. If you can't be loyal to the one person you are suppose to be loyal to, then what good are you? If she can say she loves me then betray me for something so readily, so easily then its clear she never loved me and I in return cannot love her because she clearly wasn't the person I thought she was. The entire relationship was an illusion.

[Jjpayne]

For me I'm hoping to have the sanity of mind to have a sit down with them and being honest and open to ask them if they are happy with me and if they are not, I'd want them to be with someone that they were happy with. Even asking is our relationship something you want? I'd like to be strong enough and open to do that because I feel like its the right thing to do

[Tumeric_ginger123]

Yes, depending on the situation and who you are. Not a lot of people agree with this therory but loving someone and pleasure are two different things. there's a plethora of ways to define cheating , and truly cheating is an extremely painful experience for anyone to go through. Cheating is defined by your own standards , which also tells you what you can and can't handle. As I have gotten older , I'm starting understand why it happens more and more to even the most loving couples.

[Juxtapose]

You don't *respect* anyone you cheat on. Cheaters deserve nothing but scorn and wrath!

[Secure12]

Love doesn't end immediately when disappointment hits. Is no more about love is more of trust. The question comes up. Can I still trust my partner? When trust is broken suspicions arise and cause frustration and frustration turns to hate and love finally faints.

[MyssCyn]

It depends on them, their situation, and loving and being "in love" are not exactly the same. But in my opinion you can, but it's usually not a smart move. I'd say teach yourself how to let go and remember if you're not okay now eventually you can or will be

[Flower7]

No I wouldn't, because I would never be able to trust the person again. Every time he was away from me, I would always suspect him of being with another woman. Those thoughts would never be able to leave my mind, because he put them there when he cheated the first time. I would rather find someone new than deal with all the new suspicions I would have.

[Sarahr123]

You’ll not stop loving them, you can’t stop loving someone that’s why it hurts so much. You’ll be angry and you’ll hate what they did to you but you’ll still love them. You might need to love them from a distance though because you don’t deserve to be betrayed in such a way.

[dmgstarfleet]

Nope. Deal breaker. Its the female equivalent of a man resorting to violence although it is not viewed that way (and yes both can cheat just as both can go violent, but for the most part men tend to act out violently and women sexually). And if they went there they will again.

[Lliam]

I might still love them but I wouldn't trust them anymore. And a relationship is based on trust. So, even though I might still love them, it would feel like that person broke up with me. In essence, they did. I wouldn't stick around. I would mourn, but I would get over it.

[Dutchgirl97]

No. I put my heart and soul in a relationship. Sacrifice to the most extent. If they disrespect me by cheating- they dont value me.

I would be scornful and leave by doing as much damage to them as possible for damaging my self esteem and self worth. As well as breaking my trust.

[Classicman88]

Love yes! Absolutely. Continue in a healthy relationship? That’s an entirely different thing. My now ex wife was cheating for 2 years with several men, I still love her with every breath I take. but we just couldn’t get past it no matter how much I wanted and tried to forgive her. It would take her wanting to be forgiven and trying to fix things if not you’ll never get through it.

[finallylettinggo]

Still love? Yes, that doesn't just go away but i would not be able to be in a relationship with them or even speak to them anymore. I don't cheat and i expect the same from them. Break up with me and call me a loser piece of sh-- with a small cock for all i care and we could still be friends after everything calms down, lie or cheat on me once and i wouldn't ever acknowledged you existed again. Just not worth the effort because if they do it once they will most likely do it again and again.

[Juxtapose]

No LMFAO! They'd be goooone. No mercy for cheaters. I *HATE* liars.

If you say you want to be monogamous and you don't like open relationships, be fucking monogamous.

No amount of pleading or tears would make me budge. I've seen the true nature of cheaters, I've seen my mom's heart get broken.

[Futron]

As much as I want to say, "no," I think it'd be hard to suddenly stop loving soneone, even if they did something horrible like that to me. I might lose my trust, and probably try to end the relationship, but I can't say id be able to lose my love

[DMH0102]

I can't switch off my feelings instantaneously so I would still love my boyfriend if he cheated on me. However, I would not want to continue loving him and I would try to get over the feelings of love and affection as quickly as possible.

[Barbaric]

It's not a test of anything. One person has betrayed the other, it's finished. No I wouldn't love them. Loyalty is a big thing for me, once you betray me my feelings disappear no matter who you are.

[Amanda2]

Love doesn’t hurt disappointments do. I will still love him but moving on would be hard and I’d need my time and space as to whether I want to continue with the relationship or not

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Nope.

There's no reason to. Cheaters never change, and heck, even if they did I have self-respect enough not to bother "trying again".

[Elsa143]

True because they just PRETEND TO CHANGE. There must be intense temptations going inside that cheater and that's why they cheated. That's black and white for me. There are no GREYS in cheating because Grey is a mixture of black n white so i view grey as blurry, secretive, deceptive and manipulative.

[TruthBringer]

Only weak people will love the same person who threw their hearts and relationship out of the window. EVERY person with self respect would laugh at this question.

[kaylaS91]

yes. Loving someone and whether it's the best idea to continue loving them, despite how they treat you, are independent of each other for most people. Myself included.

[Bilibilie]

My boyfriend kissed another girl while being drunk.. he was always telling me "alcohol is not an excuse to be unfaithful" and really thought he would never be unfaithful. I guess you never know.. (in the end I undestand why he did that there was some reasons I was like okay but it's not making it more acceptable) it was like 2 months ago and now we are still together (it's been 2 years) again sorry for my English I speak french hahaha

[Ripper_E]

Being able to love them is completely different from having to stay with them. If you don't love the person, then it wouldn't really be that bad. Love makes us vulnerable. Absent that, it's just another person.

[sawno]

Depends on why she was unfaithful, if it was a choice we are over. If she lost control of herself and is genuinely sorry for it we have a basis to see if we can make things work.

[Barry88]

Depends. When she cheated, was it just sex, or was it sex and love? I'm in a long term relationship, I wouldn't throw everything away if she would have cheated just once.

[AzureGirl]

It’s hard to be able to love someone I have no trust in anymore. If someone is unfaithful to me then in my eyes the relationship is over.

[MissDawn7961]

I do know why you would waste your love on someone who hurt you so deeply? forgive them , forget them and go on with your life ! thanks

[pandabearr]

Yes I would still love and have feelings for that person, but the relationship is gone. I won’t be able to trust them again especially if they intentionally lie about it after I’ve given them a chance to admit it.

[pajamasam]

No, I tried that before and it hurts too much. Being unfaithful is an immediate deal breaker.

[LiliTyaka]

Yes i still love her, how should i forget all the time that we had together. But for the relationship this need some time for me.

[rohan08]

I would but not talk to her. She is broken my hurt by doing unfair won't give her a chance again to do it.

[hellacray]

So you mean she cheated? I wouldn't call that a test.

I'd call that a one way ticket to getting the hell out. Of course I won't love her anymore if she cheated.

[Ianto]

Love? Yes! Trust? No!
The basic fact is that women betray weak men.
Taking a woman back after infidelity pretty much defines a guy as weak. So only forgive a girl if you want further betrayal. It will happen.

[DCooper]

There was a time when it would have been possible. My viewpoints having matured a little more though, no.

[An_Impulse]

i would love someone even if they cheat..
only i wouldn't be in a relationship with that person.. cuz that would be stupid.
i might forgive, but won't be together again..

[Aakash_Hangargi]

May be I have problem letting go off people so I don't get close in the first place I get attached too soon but if they are smart they should just leave

[dublin_sexyeyes0]

Love... yes.
Forgive... yes
Trust... no.
Respect... no.
Like... no.
Stay with... no.

[Twinrova]

Why would I love someone who is willing to throw away our relationship for momentary gratification?

[Miristheiss]

I would end it, leave and move on.
They would be dead to me.

[startingfitness]

No.
And lol that's not a test, it is a wake up call; a slap of reality. This person didn't love or respect you.

[Makeushiver]

Yeah, it is, Very hard to put behind you, Dante, in his book The Inferno, written in the middle ages thought that betrayal was the single foulest sin

[Natashakir72]

I would never even try. My man cheat on me I find out I'm in my car down the road idc

[Kaneki05]

i have 0.00000000000001% chance of yes and that's only if they told me right away after the fact.

[KingdomForAKiss]

I don't think you can unlove someone instantly. I'd be working on unloving them the moment they I found out about them cheating.

[JackSmy]

I can still love her, as a person, and she made a mistake, but I CAN NEVER TRUST HER AGAIN!!

[max2697]

I would still love them for a while, but i wouldn't ever be anywhere near them again.

[Iron_Man]

You have to we have no choice it has to be done. The thought of sleeping next to her and after her doing something like that is unbearable and sickening

[Shuri]

Yes. Most people are not going to stop loving someone for being unfaithful. Now if you're asking would I be able to stay? Helllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll no.

[Neko911]

Yes. Still love his dumbass after he's done that 3 times since I've been n love with him

[victorvolf]

I don't think the feelings would simply just vanish but they sure will fade away after the breakup.

[Bigboy1488]

Love them maybe, but not be with them. Cheaters dont change. Once a cheater always a cheater

[ryancg]

If I really love the girl, then that love will always be there, but I couldn't be with her. Her betrayal would mean she doesn't love me.

[LogicBomber]

NOPE!!!
You don’t get a second chance for that kind of thing.
Like murder. You do it once and you can’t take it back.

[Cheesebread997]

No, I’m a firm believer that you don’t cheat on someone you love

I could still love him but I would never go back to him

[loveslongnails]

It might depend on why, but I need a lot of forgiveness for my shit in life, so I can forgive a lot of others for theirs !!

[shortster]

I would still be in love with them; which is why it would hurt so much. I don't think I could continue on with them due to the pain from this betrayal.

[Twenty2]

I think love means giving. Will I love? Yeah. Will I be in a relationship with them? No. I'll be nice to them if they ever meet me but they be blocked forever.

[sheikalana]

I would probably still love him but I would never trust him again.