How to be in an open relationship

The last thing this is is a lesson in promiscuity.

I am in no way convincing anyone to do this.

What this IS is a guide for those who are considering this. This is a guide so that YOU can maintain control and come out of these situations with your dignity and ego.

First of all, don't believe the “women are too emotional” stuff - not true. Women are perfectly capable of keeping a rational mind even in these situations and I will show you how.

None of this involves any game playing. There is no lying or deception. Contrary to popular belief, these situations need a bit of control for them to work for BOTH people and for NEITHER person to get hurt.

Phase 1: Prepare


1. Decide if this is really what you want. If you can never see yourself having one night stands or open relationships then this isn't for you or you may just not be ready for one and that is just fine.

2. Decide what you want. These situations are ideal when you plan to move within the year, you just got out of a relationship or you just want to play the field.
"Decide from this point on that you won't take ANYTHING that happens personally."

3. Decide from this point on that you won't take anything that happens personally. You don't take rejection to heart because you yourself will do quite a lot of rejecting.

4. Be prepared that you are going to have to view the opposite sex in a new light. Don't dehumanize them, because they still have feelings and emotions just like you. The key is to NOT be mean but to be blunt and view each guy as a goal.

Phase 2: Seek


1. Options are everywhere, not just bars. Think someone is cute? Talk to them, chat them up and get their number. You have NOTHING to lose because if they reject you, no problem - you've got options.

2. When you find a guy chat him up - light hearted stuff, things that you would talk to your classmate about- hence no “where do you see yourself in 5 years” type of questions.

3. It is best to not enter into these situations with guys that you would otherwise be in a relationship with because more than likely, you will fall for them. Ideal guys are ones that are almost right for you but there are just reasons why it could never work.

4. Once you've talked to the guy for a couple days one of two things will happen. The conversation of where you see the situation going will come up or it won't. If it does, that is when you be honest and say you don't want commitment. If it doesn't come up, bring it up in a non confrontational way. When you two are hanging out, just tell him “hey, just so you know, I'm not looking for anything serious but I really enjoy your company.” It gets the point across, you've been honest, and it keeps it light hearted which is what you want.

5. Have deal breakers. Just because you aren't looking to commit doesn't mean you have to be treated like crap. If you don't want to be called at midnight, say so. If you want him to plan ahead on when you two get together it is fair to ask. Its not necessary to have a conversation about your deal breakers but if you don't like what he is doing then say something.

6. I've found that having boundaries is helpful in keeping the situation in perspective. Personally, I advise against dates that don't immediately lead to a “goal.” Even so, it is drinks at the most. The only time I think it is acceptable is say, cheap takeout pizza and beers - not very date-like and is harmless. Hanging out outside of hooking up is a bit iffy. It's not bad to become friendly with them but at the same time that friendship trust is a dangerous thing to develop with the other person because feelings could develop.

I also don't talk on the phone or talk at length via text. I keep a lot of things to myself because he is NOT a boyfriend and therefore I won't confide in him. I keep details about myself to a minimum. Basically, my time with him is light and fun- he knows the basics about me and I know the basics about him. It isn't the time to talk about fears and insecurities.
"I advise against dates that don't immediately lead to a 'goal.'"

7. There is an old saying that goes “don't put all your eggs in one basket.” This is something I think is true in open relationships. The moment you put EVERYTHING into one person you will fall for them. Once you have one option, be on the prowl for another even if you don't actually get involved with them. Flirt, talk, get numbers, etc.It helps you remind yourself that there are more options that just this one guy.

8. Realize that these things aren't built to last. They tend to last a few months and that is perfectly fine. If you don't expect a whole lot out of the situation then you wont be disappointed.

Golden Rules


1. Safe sex is a must- condoms and birth control are absolutely necessary if you are going to be sexually involved. No unwanted STDs and no unwanted pregnancies.

2. If at any point you feel unsafe, get out of there and don't become involved with someone who you feel could hurt you.

3. Let your friends know where you are so you have an out.

4. Never leave the bar with a guy and don't let him lead you out of the bar away from your friends and certainly do not take him back to your car or his car. In the event that you meet someone at a bar and either of you has been drinking, get their number and wait until you have sobered up, meet with him sober and then make a decision.

5. If you feel yourself starting to fall for the other person then do yourself a favor and get out of it now.

7|2
1720

Most Helpful Guy

  • This article is like the bible of how to be a whore. This is why I will never marry a girl that was born and raised in us.

    What you people don't understand is, if you have been in a lot of relationships especially like the one that you're describing then, your sensetivity to any relationship will be weak therefore, you won't be attached to a guy/your husband in the future and will most likely cheat on him. Why do you think everyone remembers their first, second and third. There was a whole study

    0|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • You couldn't be further from the truth.

    I have no sort of family issues and I pursue these ventures because it suits my situation momentarily. I happen to be a supportive,kind, and loving partner. Just because a woman has uncommitted sex does not mean she is a slut with issues.

    I also notice you say nothing about the MEN that do the exact same thing. So a man can do it, and it's normal but if a woman does it she is a slut with issues!?

    I won't argue with you, and will no longer respond to you.

    0|0
    0|0

Join the discussion

What Guys Said 19

  • I agree with @JulyAndrews this should be retitled how to have FWBs, this isn't a relationship. Having FWBs is easy, if its not for you then its not for you. Don't date or have sex with someone who isn't for you, problem fixed.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Excellent article, even for people looking to commit. Most of this stuff is key to any healthy relationship.

    Your 'critics' are very narrow-minded; it would be lovely if everyone had the childhood, luck, and emotional intelligence to be in an awesome committed relationship, but most people don't (otherwise there'd probably be no GaG).

    So here's one guy who approves without also wanting to get in your pants. XD

    0|0
    0|0
  • There are only certain a select few types of girls that can handle a friends with benefits relationship. And those are girls with family issues, daddy issues and just plain sluts. But without these misfits, there wouldn't be so many happy guys out there who got to bang so many girls. These kinds of girls also happen to be the best in bed and the most adventurous. It goes without saying that dating one of these creatures is a terrible idea. I know quite a few of them and bang them whenever I'm...

    0|0
    0|0
  • my last comment doesn't count, but I don't know how to delete comments here...

    you are kind of talking about f'buddies. I'm more seeking a FWB but reading your article helps, I think they have much in common except that in FWB is mainly friendship with a bit of sex while f'buddies is mainly sex with a bit of friendship, that would be the difference.You did a good job, you have much intuition :).

    Also I think you might like -polyamory- and -polifidelity-, search both.

    0|0
    0|0
  • i know people use it like the same, but this is not FWB (more friendship less sex) this is sex friends(more sex less friendship). Yet you did a good job, you have much intuition :), I'm more seeking a FWB but reading your article helps, I think they have much in common except that in FWB the sex is more sporadic, that would be the difference.

    Also I htink you might like -polyamory- and -polifidelity-, search both.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think that each relationship, including open relationships, are unique to the couple and thus need to be decided on by the people involved. The better article would've been "How to stop bothering other people about their relationships" lol

    But the article was well-written.

    0|0
    0|0
  • lol this is not true at all if you ever tell a girl you just want sex with her she is going to look at you strange and hate you. Hence why must men restort to lying and play girls to get laid and then they dump them. if women were not so prude are were more down to earth like men, women wouldn't get played.

    0|0
    0|0
  • We aren't a cumputer that you can just reset or reprogram. We are human and there is no reset button.

    The reason why you remember your first three relationships is not because you learn something from it it's because you are involved with a guy for the first time and that's what makes it unique and memorable . But when you become promiscues such as you are. Then a relationship doesn't have anything unique / memorable to it. it's just like another thing you in life. But in reality

    0|0
    0|0
  • What lessons have you learned from your first 3 relationships? How not to trust a guy? You could probably come up with few things that you have learned from your first 3 relationships, but when a human interacts with another human they are most likely to learn something. Same goes if you're in a relationship that doesn't mean you have to date/f*** the whole town and reason it as you're gaining experiance or you're learning something.

    0|0
    0|0
  • lol I was having sex with all these guys with out commitment, but now that I'm older and less attractive I want to settle down with you in my last few years of relative hotness, ahahahahahahaahahah

    0|0
    0|0
  • No, that's fine. Things can be easily misunderstood online. So I understand that, so that's why I rephrased my self. So yes, this really did help me get into the minds of women who are looking into just this type of stuff because I am not too great at reading women he, he.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Exactly, but some men can be clueless and misinterpret those moves for something far more serious especially if it's a guy who isn't popular with girls and will jump/get excited over any female contact directed at him. Not all men are great at figuring out girls, so this helps. I wasn't trying to judge, and yes obviously men do the same. What I meant to say is that it'll help a clueless man seeking a serious Girlfriend avoid accidentally falling for one of these girls. Makes sense?

    0|0
    0|0
  • ... bored, which is often. They know that I'm not interested in dating them and stop pursuing to save face. What a great deal!

    0|0
    0|0
  • Own experience. Friends' experience.

    Standards since cavemen. And all.

    Actually I got to know my share of weird girls (I was in the punk, then gothic scenes for 20 years).

    You might be the exception that confirms the rule, I don't know you. But yeah. Women with licencious conduct are very unbalanced.

    0|0
    0|0
  • "How to be in an open relationship" that's a good question . so many people are thinking about this , but few know the answer. I am glad to share a good club with you --"afromingle.com"--. you can meet different type of people there. of course you can chat with the one who is in open relationship . perhaps it will helpful for you . BTW, it's free to sign up there, upload your photoes is helpful for you to chat with the guys there. good luck.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Awesome, thanks. This really helps in showing me what to look out for in order to avoid these type of girls at all costs or from possibly misinterpreting their signals for something far more serious.

    0|0
    0|0
  • "Just because a woman has uncommitted sex does not mean she is a slut with issues."

    lol, just lol. :D. Yes it does mean it. Sorry to tell you.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Haha...nice.How many open relationships have you been in?

    0|0
    0|0
  • I need to date madmisskelly

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 16

  • Of course everyone remembers their first 3 relationships, they were the most important because you learned the most lessons.

    There is NOTHING wrong with these types of situations. They do not affect your ability to become attached to people, I have still been in relationships where I became attached and loved the other person.

    IN a relationship I am faithful and kind and treat my partner with respect.

    Your attitude is not only rude but it is disrespectful and you contradict the points you make.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It depends on what you are envisioning about this whole thing. What I am talking about is not having sex indescriminetly, but more about choosing it carefully for one's situation. There are just situations where it isn't convenient to have a relationship- either it is just not something someone wants(they just got out of a relationship or other responsibility) or it isn't possible (moving, demanding job, very busy), it isn't just wanting sex from random people.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I never said I was gaining experience, I was more referring to the comment you made about how "everyone remembers their first, second and third."

    I've learned plenty from my first 3 relationships, and just because I am doing what I am doing does NOT mean that I am a slut nor does it mean I am distrustful of men. It is what I want/need right now and you are in no place to tell me what I need or want.

    I will not argue with you nor will I respond to you, please do not post here.

    0|0
    0|0
  • That's if you say it to a girl who doesn't want it, but quite frankly, she will hate you even more if you lie about it.

    You also condemn all women as prudes which is NOT true. I know many women who are not prudes who can have these types of relationships . Lying to each other about our true intentions is NOT the way to go about it.

    0|0
    0|0
  • This is exactly what this is about- being honest about what is going on and NOT leading someone on, there is nothing to misinterpret.

    I feel like you try to categorize these girls as bad when in reality they are doing the same damn thing that men are doing. This is just the way of doing it HONESTLY.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I chose to use this term because it was more appropriate than 'friends with benefits," which connotates a friendship and I chose to not use "f-buddy" because more than likely, the article would not have been featured.

    "relationship," can mean many things and doesn't always mean commitment. I used it for the sake of speaking generally, but yes, I'm talking about "f*** buddies"

    0|0
    0|0
  • Thebritishgirl yeah I would get out of it. He sounds ike he has some feelings for you and its crossed that line, so I would get out of it.

    0|0
    0|0
  • This is more of a friends with benefits relationship... It still doesn't prevent promiscuity and risk of stds minimised.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Interesting. This was really helpful! I have a friends with benefits so I could use your advice basically he doesn't like it when he see's me with other guys or knowing I'm dating someone. I haven't dated anyone whilst being FWB with him. He just put that point across but he's aloud to date other girls? That doesn't make sence. He's also told he that he hates loving me. Should I get out of this friends with benefits before he gets hurt?

    0|0
    0|0
  • This seems more like how to be a friends with benefits as opposed to being in an open relationship to me. I see an open relationship as you are a couple but you see other people. Here you more describe that you leave things strictly physical and are friendly with each other, definitely not a relationship. Other than that, I think your points make a lot of sense in not getting emotionally attached.

    0|0
    0|0
  • What proof do you have?

    0|0
    0|0
  • 5 or so

    0|0
    0|0
  • AHHH for some reason I read your remark before as sarcasm haha.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think open relationships are possible or sometimes known as FWB (friends with benefits). As long as both participants are on the same page, its great. Honesty is key nothing kills a friendship or relationship faster then when you are not totally upfront with each other.

    0|0
    0|0
  • This is not an open relationship..

    0|0
    0|0
  • I really like this article. It rings true.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading... ;