Got back together with my ex but it doesn't feel the same anymore?

I feel like crap. We were together for 3 years and 4 months ago he broke up with me because he couldn't do the distance anymore. We tried to close it but it got posponed. It was a total shock to me and I never felt that sad. I tried convincing him to wait a little bit more, to give me a chance to try harder in finding a job there, but he was done. And as he said it it was basically the decision made over night.
We never faught. I loved him so much, every single day. For me it was a honey moon stage every day. It was same for him. I thought we were invincible. I had relationships before but this one was my first true love definatelly. Until he decided to call it quits. For 4 months I've been crying and wanting him back. We didn't end on bad terms so we stayed in touch. Maybe that was the mistake because we would start fighting over things that are not our business anymore, we were both jealous. I gave up eventually and made piece with the fact that he is not mine anymore and that I need to move on. That we will never get back together. After a month or so, I started doing better, I got my life on track and I even started liking someone new. But I still missed him. Then we slowly started talking more often and it was very good I was so happy. I realized that I could probably be friends with him. He then said that he made a mistake and that he was aware of that few days after the breakup but that he couldn't deal with what he did. Long story short, I got my feelings for him back for awhile and I was willing to give it another chance. Since then he has been great to me, he made a lot of effort and he seems like he really was sorry. But me on the other hand... I lost it. The feelings disappeared. I no longer could look at him the same and I don't know why. I am just not excited anymore. It's not that he bothers me but I'm just meeh about everything. And I still kindf of like the other guy. I feel so guilty. What should I do? Will feelings come back?


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  • Sorry to hear about your situation, sometimes it's true we break up and long for the relationship again.. but then after we're fine and we get it, we realized we would've been okay without them. It's okay, feelings change, they're really out of our control, perhaps you also have in that back of your mind that he tapped out so easily, he may do it again, so you don't want to invest all your time and energy into getting yourself in a bad situation again and get even more hurt. You have a wall up that you don't even know, if you're not the happiest, I would leave there's no point in being in a relationship with someone who doesn't make you the happiest. You'd be lying to yourself and slowly leading them on, letting them think you're feeling differently than how you really are. At the end of the day you will make the decision or even a week from now etc. But if the feelings haven't come back, they most likely won't, there's no point in waiting it out. Be selfish, look after yourself! Because in the end you can be in and out of relationships but you will still be you.

    • I'm actually not afraid that he is gonna hurt me again. I feel like even if that happens I kind of "knew it" so it wouldn't be much of a surprise and it definitely wouldn't hurt like the first time. I know I love him. But I'm not in love with him anymore. Sex is still great though. He never did anything bad to me, he was always such a sweetheart, even after the breakup, so I don't understand why are my feelings gone? Is the power of breakup so strong to make feelings go away? I don't even hold a grunge against him, I am not mad. But I do blame him for feeling like this, if he didn't dumped me my feelings would still be the same...

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