He cheated and still wants to be friends with the girl, how do I get her to back off?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend cheated on me with a girl and he refuses to end his friendship with her. I have asked him to at least stop having daily conversations with her if he can't stop being friends. She sends him messages saying "I had a dream about you last night :/" and gives him updates as to what she is doing throughout the day. I just want it to stop, because it's very hurtful to me. In the end, if he chose me, shouldn't he stop hanging out with her and messaging her all of the time? What should I do to get this girl to back off?

[anonymous1227]

Let him go. He obviously still wants her, just waiting for the right time to break it off with you. They are probably still sleeping together. Even if he does say he'll stop seeing her, he won't. You should remind this other girl that what she's doing is desperate, trashy, and pathetic. Tell her it's sad that she can't find a man of her own, and that it doesn't make her special that she "stole" him from you, or whatever she wants to believe. She would do well to remember that he will do it to her, too. While you shouldn't have kissed another guy, what he's doing is worse. If he really forgave you, he wouldn't have done that. Find yourself a real man, and stick with him. I feel so sorry for this other girl because he may have mislead her. You should try, in a polite way, to set her straight.

[Anonymous]

Honey, if he can't end his friendship with her for YOU, he probably has feelings for this girl. He obviously doenst wanna stop seeing her or talking to her...do the math.

In my opinion, even though he chose you to be his girlfriend, he is still choosing this other girl over you because he is basically saying "f*** your feelings, I can do whatever I want" which is def not how a relationship should be going.

And that girl is a homewrecker, and if he can't see that... and if he thinks its okay for ANOTHER GIRL to be texting him saying that she had dreams about him last night and it's okay for him to still be talking to her and leading her on while he's still with you... you really need to dump him.

[Samisrad]

No honey, you don't need her to back off, this is allll him.

This is not healthy. If he really loves you, well besides the fact that he wouldn't have cheated, he would've stopped all contact with her.

You need to let him go.. You're setting yourself up for constant pain. If he cna't let her go there is a reason, if he's not cheating physically anymore, he is still cheating emotionally, and you deserve better.

See when guys who really love their girls cheat.. they do it with a women they have no emotional conection with, it's just sex. For you're boyfriend it's much much more than that, and that, my girl, is a real big problem.

[Asker]

That's what I tried to tell him, that if you are having a rough time telling her to beat it, then it's because you still have an emotional connection with her. It was a bad cheating too, he brought her to my apartment while I was away. This all happened at my place. He keeps preaching forgiveness, but how can I forgive if he still is speaking with this girl? I'm willing to be with him, because we're human, humans make mistakes. I've made mistakes as well, because I'm human. I'm frustrated.

[Asker]

I really want the girl to back off. I told him I'd send her another message if she doesn't, he said if I did there "would be problems". Problems? So this means her over me? If I approach the girl that slept with my boyfriend with the intent of telling her to leave us alone it will be me creating a "problem"? Give me a freaking break.

[Samisrad]

Absolutely, it sounds like he may be using this whole situation as a way to break it off with you. I was cheated on by a boyfriend of about a year, and he was like.. "Oh well, so what".. and I found out that he just really wanted to be with her, but he wasn't man enough to break it off with me.

I mean, I don't know him, but he sounds like a real jerk off.. and I'm positive you can do better than a jerk off.

[Asker]

He literally cried and said he wanted to be with me, not her. He fought to be with me and is petrified of me leaving. But now, with her as a safety net, I don't think he is all that worried. He still claims to want to move in with me, but he still wants to be best friends with this girl. I'm sorry, but, I think it has to be me or her. He chose me, meaning it's time to tell this girl to leave us alone if he values the relationship. I

[brwidgirl]

My Story is exactly likes yours that happened to me too, except there was never another guy involved. I dated my boyfriend for 4 years and he was introduced to this new its his cousin's best friend and he cheated past 3 years of it with her, he always told me he would cut contact off with her but then I would find out again and he would cry, beg and plead for me to get back with him soon as I do not even a month would go by there together again - she has said to me he always tells her we broke up.

[thoridin]

This problem comes with a very simple solution. Dump the piece of sh*t. People should try to get it through their head that a lot of people are big cocksuckers and need to avoid them like the plague. You're only going to get hurt more in the end so try to understand your problem is not unique and thousands of other girls go through the same problem. More often than not, it's best to just bail.

[Asker]

To be fair, I cheated on him before he did this. He knows about it, but the difference is, he slept with this girl, I kissed the guy and it didn't go beyond that. I never slept with anyone. Perhaps I got what I deserved. I just want him to stop being friends with her, it p*sses me off that they get to see each other and hang out as if none of it should bother me.

[jhova23]

If you can't handle their relationship then leave. He is basically laying the ground work to leave you. If he cheats again it will be your fault in his eyes. Don't give him the satisfaction. Drop him cause I promise he will be with her in less than a week. Hell it already seems like they're already dating.

[Anonymous]

You don't do anything to the girl, it's not her fault. THis is a 2 way street, if she wanted your boyfriend and he didn't want her, then nothing would have happened. So blame your boyfriend. If you're not comfortable with him still talking to her, then you need to be true to yourself and leave him.

[Anonymous]

NOPE DONT TELL HER TO BACK OFF HE IS THE CAUSE OF THIS BS. HE APPARENTLY STILL HAS FEELINGS FOR THE HOME WRECKER. IF HE doesn't RESPECT YOU ENOUGH TO STOP ALL COMMUNICATION WITH HER, THEN I SUGGEST YOU LEAVE HIM AND LET THEM RIDE OFF INTO THE SUNSET TOGETHER.