How do I become less uptight and more laid back?

[Anonymous]

I am really interested in this guy and he likes me. The problem is that I get angry at the drop of a hat. He is more laid back and doesn't take things so seriously. We are comlete opposites. With me the glass is always half empty. I usually jump to conclusions or get angry or upset about something only to find out that he did not mean it the way I took it and then he gets angry with me because I got defensive. I have a very expressive face and he can read me like a book.

There is another girl that is interested in him and he has been spending time with her too. Whenever I see them together, it makes me soooooo angry, even though they are just friends. It just irks me to no end.

He knows this bothers me and he says there is nothing to worry about, I am the one that he wants to be with. I am very cynical and will admit I have trust issues.

I analyze everything and have two or three different senarios for everything that he says and does. I just don't want to push him away from me. How do I become less uptight and more laid back?

[Jamerz]

Girl I'm in your same spot to a "T" I have had a bad past and have a lot of trust issues and get jealous so easy! And my boyfriend is so much more layed back, jokes, and easy going. So I know how you feel! There are times he will joke with me and I will take his jokes wrong when he didn't even mean it the way I took it, I over analyze everything!

So far I have found writing down or typing how I feel and then just take a breath and remind myself to just chill or relax. I know its hard, trust me I'm going though it right now. But just remember he picked you and he picked you for a reason, because he likes you for you. I hope I helped and maybe we can help each other. Well if you have anymore questions just ask and good luck

[Asker]

I kept a journal, but got out of writing in it. I'll have to restart. Really, it just boils down to the fact that I am scared. I am scared that evrythng I think is true just might be. He might leave me for her, might not be in love with me...the more I analyze it, the more anxious and upset it makes me.

But I also know the more we argue, the more I push him away. I'm making him pay 4 someone elses mistake. He will only put up with this so long. Thanks it really helped.

[Jamerz]

Anytime! wish I could be more help. I know how you feel though! the best thing I can tell is just take this day by day and see what happends. Just try your hardest to just be chill and happy. It will all work out in the end

[Asker]

I saw him yesterday and I took your advice. When he made a joke or said something that I would take as sarcasm targeted at me, I just to a breath and waited a second before I responded and we were able to have a good conversation. I only saw him for about an hour, but it was the first time in a long time that we have not argued over something petty and trifling.

We were really able to say a lot in that little time. I just have to remember to lead with my brain instead of my mouth.....ha ha

[Jamerz]

Thats awesome!!! see sometimes I still have to tell my brain to colm down. I went out with my boyfriend ALL weekend camping and there are time I over analized things that I shouldnt have, I'm still having a hard time so I know how you feel!! glad my advice worked!

[anonymous147]

I am a naturally up tight person but I actually take anti-depressants to help me with my anxiety (and no- I am not depressed, I am just a very stressed out person). anyways, the medicine has done wonders for me and I have now become a very laid back, easy going person. so you may want to consider something like that, maybe

before the medicine I would just try and calm myself down and unstress by stopping what I am doing and untensing my muscles. then I would just take 10 deep breaths. I went to go talk to someone about it and they had me lay down and try and make to relax and make each one of my muscles "heavy, loose, and limp". my muscles relaxed and all of my worries temporarily disappeared.you should try it

[iknowiknow]

Sounds like you need someone to talk to or vent to. If you're having internal struggles for yourself, find some friends you trust and get some feedback or find yourself a therapist. Being less uptight is all about letting go of things that stress you out or makes you mad. You need to ask yourself why you're upset about something. Is it because you're being insecure and if so why.

[Anonymous]

What you describe sounds like you had some bad experiences in the past. So, given that, it sounds like you never fully moved on from those experiences.

I'd recommend a therapist, that way you can talk out your problems. After that, you won't be so explosive.