Why is my ex trying to make me feel guilty for her breaking up with me?

[mellowmatt]

I really don't understand my ex, like at all.

I've posted variants of this question, but I have to keep doing it because my ex is really confusing me.

The short story is that she broke up with me for her ex, but she told me she really doesn't know who she wants, but she feels she needs to stay with him.

So, naturally, I said that we shouldn't talk as much and that if she wanted to contact me she could, but I was done contacting her.

She texted me late one night, and I basically cut the conversation short and said good night.

She left an AIM message asking if I even cared anymore, and it's like she dumped me for another guy, why SHOULD I care? She broke my heart so easily, it makes sense that I shouldn't care about her anymore.

So why is she doing this? Because I really don't have any clue what's going on in her head.

[lost-angel]

Your ex was probably expecting you to run after her and beg her to stay with you. People who expect things get upset when it doesn't happen. She probably thought you would still be so inlove with her still, but since you are acting cold or distant, she is upset. She says things like, "did you even care about me -- love me --" etc, because she wants reassurance, and attention. She wants to know you (and her ex) still love(s) her.

She broke up with you because she doesn't know who she wants, not because she loves the other guy more or whatever. So she obviously still has some kind of feelings for u. Right now, she is with her ex, but she is probably still confused (like she was wen you and her were together). And therefore she wants to know if she could run back to you if things don't work out with her ex. I know it is kind of confusing. But, that's what happens when you get involved with someone who is -- confused.

She will keep making you feel guilty until she gets what she wants from you. -- Re-assurance that you still love her, and she can come back to you anytime. I know its selfish.

If it is really over for you, then make it clear to her. And don't let her contact you anymore. Bec it is obviously driving you crazy. She has to figure out who she really wants. It is either you or him. Don't let her string you along in her dillema.

[mellowmatt]

Thats the thing, I really don't know if it is over for me. I still care about her, and until she really knows who she wants I can't see ignoring her. She knows once she makes that choice that I will cut off all contact if its not me, which may be selfish on my part but I can be friends with her. Thanks though, it is driving me crazy. lol.

[lost-angel]

Lol you will be ok.

I don't think she will make her choice soon. she wudnt want to cut all contact with u. some girls are like that. d only way she cud make up her mind is by breaking ties with you and the other guy,for awhile. Being away from both men will help her realize who it is she really misses, and wants. I think that is the best way. But whatever happens, I hope she ends up realizing she needs you. You sound like a good guy.

[mellowmatt]

Thank you, I like to think I am. I've tried getting her to break up with us both, but she is stubborn about doing it. I mean it is her choice. I am just trying to help her make it, and I want her to choose me, but I won't hate her or have any less respect for her is she chooses her ex still. I just want her to be happy with her choice. I care for her but I am ready to move on and start dating again. But hey, everything happens for a reason right?

[lost-angel]

Haha

my words exactly :p

[Anonymous]

I think you were doing the only thing you can do in a situation like this. Taking a step back. I know it's confusing to have her act this way. I'm in a similiar situation myself. I find that minimal contact is the best course. It's not your problem. You know what you want and you're comfortable with it. It's her problem and her decision. She needs to figure out what it is she really wants. As someone mentioned, she is looking to make sure she hasn't lost you. That if things don't work out with her ex/bf she has you to fall back on. You have to remove that security from her mind. I know it's difficult, but that's the only way for her to see how much she really cares about you. It's excruciating to sit on the sidelines and wait, but try not to think of it like that. Go about life normally. Hang out with friends, go to school/work, and keep busy. Try not to let her get to you too much. Give it a few weeks and see how things are then.

[Vampire13]

I think she is confused about who she wants, She is probably missing some of the things you used to do for her and she is thinking about you a lot and then she thinks about her ex. She also might just miss talking to you and wants you to talk to her and be friends. Some girls regret about breaking guys hearts and think they can help them out by saying stuff like that. So they try to keep in contact. And when she left the Aim comment she probably realised "Oh wow wtf did I do" and she misses you and wants to be friends. But that's just what I think.

[mellowmatt]

I think you are right. She is really confused as to who she really wants, I'd say its 50/50 at this point, which is why I find it hard to move on. She said she put it up because she misses me and is confused, but I can't really help her choose. And it is hard being friends with someone when she is with someone else, which I have expressed to her. Guess I will see where it goes.

[iknowiknow]

Why are you doing this to yourself? If it's over for you, just move on. Your ex is confused and probably using you for an emotional ATM. Someone to have around when she's not with her ex, you're the guy that's suppose to care for her when she needs you. It may be hard but if she can't choose then you need to choose for her.

[totalcaca]

Oh man she's doing it for attention, dude.

By her asking you if you care anymore she's hoping that you'll say yes and in a sense, she's trying to comfort herself by knowing you're still there to care for her on an emotional level.

Smells like a usage fest to me.