Why choose boyfriend/girlfriend over family?

[Anonymous]

I don't get this, and I don't know why my sister does this all the time.

I mean, she is always dating someone that my parents disapprove.

my guy's ex was disapproved by his dad and he continued to date her until she cheated on him numerous times.

my sister's ex was not approved by my parents, and he cheated on her numerous times and also used her just for sex, money and attention (same to my guy's ex, she just used him too).

why don't kids listen to their parents

granted my guy was 17 when he ran off to live with his ex and so was my sister

but now my sister is 22 and she is dating another guy that my parents disapprove and she still won't listen...

children these days! I mean I"m not a hypocrite, when I say this I did not date anyone until I was 24 and I made sure he was educated, had a a career and was not a man whore etc. and trustworthy with morals... why are kids so stupid some times? I mean they are not kids anymore and still date losers... well I guess this is the same question always asked on here... why do girls date losers? I don't know.

Updates

+1 y

the important thing to me is, if my parents are not convinced he is right for me, and in the end he isn't... then I'd lose my parents and him. That would suck. I mean I'd rather lose him then lose him and my parents. Family is everything to me.

[selfishstars]

Because your parents aren't always right.

Yes, your parents usually want what's best for you, but often they have their own prejudices, assumptions, or ideas about what's "right" for you that are different from your own. As ManMandM said, eventually you are going to break away from your parents and become your own person. The person you become might be very different from who your parents are or who your parents want/expect you to be. As an adult, and even as a teen becoming an adult, you need to learn to think for yourself (even if that sometimes means making mistakes----it's okay to make mistakes, they're there for you to learn from).

You can listen to your parents' point of view, but in the end, its your decision about who you date. Sometimes your parents might be right---they might see something in a person that you cannot see. On the other hand, they can be wrong a lot of the times. I've seen a lot of parents disapprove about who their children date because that person's culture/race, religion, socioeconomic background, etc. or simply because they haven't gotten to know the person yet.

My boyfriend's parents didn't think I was right for their son when we first started dating. My boyfriend's previous serious girlfriend was very bubbly, outgoing, and talkative, even around strangers. On the other hand, I'm pretty shy and quiet until I get to know people, so I was a pretty sharp contrast to his last girlfriend and they took my quietness to mean that I was unfriendly and unsociable---until they get to know me, and now they like me a lot.

[helpingjessie]

i agree with you on the "making sure he is (fill in the blank)" part. most kids just get stuck in the rebellion stage and like to do that to their parents in different ways whether its through the relationships they have, the music they listen to, movies, style, behavior, etc.

other times it is because some girls really are into the loosers. I met a girl who actally looks for bad guys because they "mess around with girls" because theyre fun. and she also said she likes their attitude of being rude to people besides their girlfriend. which I find... interesting but very bewildering. I mean COME ON you're asking for some kind of abusive relationship, possibly pregnancy and STI's (Sexually Transmitted Infections).

i don't understand this to the slightest bit and probably never will but if that's what she wants then that's what she wants.

[Asker]

maybe you're right. the rebellion stage... I guess it never wears off.

[helpingjessie]

the rebellion stage is supposed to be a part of growing up and finding yourself (which is partly good as long as it doesn't involve subsance/alcohol abuse). sadly some people don't realize that temporary rebellion turns into immaturity once you get past a certain age and can be expressed through rebellion.

[anon90]

I feel kinda scarred by some of what my parents have ingrained in me with the strictness and what to do what not to do. I just want to move out and get out to learn for myself and become my own person. Of course kids should respect and listen to their parents. But I think parents don't understand not all kids can be controlled. Up to a certain age, they need to be treated like an adult who can make decisions and think for themselves and not a kid. And when they start rebelling they really need love and support not constant brandishment by the family.

[MandMandM]

Parents are ultimately there to break away from. You aren't required to clone their values, morals and taste in boyfriends. Think for yourself.

They generally have your interests at heart, so should be listened to, but your life is your own call once you are adult, so no matter what coercion they use stand up for your own decisions.

> well I guess this is the same question always asked on here... why do girls date losers?

No it isn't, but the inflated sanctity attached to parental views is a recurring theme.

[Thiezz]

Surely there are more important things in life than pleasing ones parents. I love them, I respect them, but I'm sure as hell not letting them choose who I hang out with. I'm an adult and if they respect me then they'll have to respect the choices that I make. I'm not telling them who to date and who to hang out with either.

[Asker]

yeah but some times your parents may see something that you don't. why not be considerate of their opinions and take it to practice? I mean serously if someone tells you that you made a wrong choice and they know you well, won't you listen to them? I'm sure any sane person would realize it...

[Thiezz]

My parents are divorced, so obviously they're not experts on relationships either. Besides, I *like* to make mistakes sometimes. If you spend your whole life following someone else's advice, and suddenly that person isn't there any more, then what will you do? Making the occasional error is the price for gaining wisdom and experience.

In the end, when I look back at my life, I'd like to be able to say that I made my own decisions, rather than following someone else, regardless of where I end up.

[Asker]

I guess you and I have different upbringings and therefore different views on life. I like to have someone tell me what is good and what is bad, and to follow those things that are good or bad. I wish to not make mistakes and fall on my face. So I listen to my parents, and also to my God a lot. I try hard to not make any mistakes in my life, but I am not saying I'm perfect. I'm just saying I'm open to advice esp. from my parents. but I do see where you're coming from.

[Thiezz]

(Update) What do you mean, lose your parents? Your parents would abandon their own child for disagreeing with them? That's evil and manipulative, get rid of them..

[Asker]

well my sister chose her married man over them, she chose to have a child out of wed lock, she chose to lie that she wasn't cheating on her then husband, she chose to do adultry, she chose some bad ways and dishonor my parents and also my church. My parents would get rid of a child who brings such dishonor and shame to their family. I wouldnt' do that to my parents. I would never sleep with a whore in a whore house, my parents reputation means too much to me.

[Thiezz]

Surely there is a middle ground between always doing what your parents want and living the life of your sister? You seem to be under the impression that your parents always know best, but they too are humans, and humans make mistakes and errors of judgement.

I fail to see what sleeping with whores in whorehouses has to do with anything, or is that how your parents talk about your sister?

In my opinion there are few things that bring more shame and dishonour to a family than disowning a child.

[Asker]

sleeping with whores in a whore house is against our religious/cultural morals, therefore if someone does it they are doing a shameful, disgraceful, dishonorable thing to their body. They are doing something unholy, impure and being disobedient to family/God. My parents have already forgiven her numerous times and allowed her to continue to choose bad men over them, she seems to be doing it on purpose to get under their skin. Parents aren't perfect, but they can be wiser.

[M_A_X]

Ummm... Families start as boyfriends and girlfriends. It just means that the person is more dedicated to their current relationship.

Why do girls date losers? Everyone has different levels of self-respect, different types they're attracted to, etc. but most of the time it's the fact that they think there's potential in the man, and they want to try and fix him... or they're just a bad judge of character.

[CatherineTheSoSo]

Someone has to date the losers...