Should a boyfriend/girlfriend really be more important than your friends and family?

[Anonymous]

I find it ridiculous putting someone I'm just dating ahead of my long-term friends I've known for much longer (whom I actually grew up with) and my own family. I'm sorry but nope, my close friends and family come first to me.

Unless I had a child with him or we're married, that would make sense (that would be different) but just a romantic interest, no kids and we're just dating? Ridiculous. I wouldn't mind if he feels the same way either.

Yes, they're top priority

No, family and friends come first... a boyfriend/girlfriend isn't permanent

[DishLady]

Hmm. It depends. We’re you already close to your family? Do you have 1M friends who are always demanding your time and attention?


Try to boil it down to the essentials:
Who are the top 5-10 people you interact with daily and care about THE MOST? That’s your circle. Your boyfriend/girlfriend/SO should be one person in that circle. (If the relationship is new there’s a period of adjustment, but that’s basically what happens in a healthy, balanced relationship.)


But no, boyfriend/girlfriend status doesn’t make the person #1 24/7. Top 10 and ranking slightly higher within that range if the relationship moves towards marriage etc.

[Asker]

Your last sentence is indeed the most logical one. If we're not even engaged, why would a boyfriend deserved to even make a top spot or even be considered a family?

[Vesuvius87]

Unless he becomes my fiance at least, then yes he earns a spot. If he's just a boyfriend whom (translated as a lover getting all the romance benefits but nothing beyond romance) I don't share financial responsibilities with nor can count as the person in charge if I were in the hospital, then why should be earn the top spot? I don't even do cohabitation for that same reason, what for?

If he wants to get a spot in my family and actually become a family then he would update his status to husband.

[Summeroflove]

When you’re married well…. That is your family and absolutely should come first and foremost. But I agree family should come first.

I do get it can depend at times. But if for instance I have a family member on their deathbed and a girlfriend who wants to sabotage it. If I have a girlfriend whose not wanting me to go to a family reunion. The list goes on really….. Then dump them. If someone’s possessive to the point where it’s hard to see family. They’re not good for you.

[Asker]

Marriage is different though. A husband would immediately be my family. A boyfriend who doesn't propose after a long time and is just there for romance and sex (benefits of the relationships, the goodies) but not responsibilities doesn't deserve a spot ahead of my family.

[Summeroflove]

I agree. But I think once the love and respect is gone for someone. It’s best to break up.

I agree with you. I wouldn’t put a woman like that ahead of my family either. I would move on and find someone better.

But I do understand that sometimes people get attached to someone. They spent so much of their time and energy on someone and doesn’t want to see it for what it is.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Yes, an SO is definitely top priority. You also should not be dating someone who isn't a friend that you've known a long time, and they are supposed to be permanent/you are supposed to marry them.

If the intent is to discard them later, then just don't date at all.

[Asker]

The reason I'm asking is because I've just read a poster about a man that's already way pass age 50 and he has been living together (dating for many decades) with girlfriend after girlfriend for so many years, never marrying one of them. He's single at this point and explained how a couple of his relationships were a waste of time. He was basically a serial monogamist, a serial cohabitator.
Why bother even placing them as priority if that's not who someone is going to have kids with nor marry within a calculated timeframe? Just dating for years and years without anything serious, whom you can dump at anytime doesn't deserve to be placed in first place.

[Asker]

I'm seen too many people placing too much importance on someone they've been dating for too long but yet never marry them.

[dustybiker2]

Your partner should be the one person who will always have your back (and you there's). Friends come and go, even family can stab you in the back on a rare day. Your partner should be your rock. You protect each other. If you don't have that keep looking.

[Asker]

A boyfriend can come and go, can cheat too. I'm still not even sharing financially responsibilities with a boyfriend. Also, a boyfriend can't even make medical decisions for me if I were ever in an accident, only my family can make that decision. If it's dating and feeling invested (but nothing else bonding us such as a child), one doesn't live the rest of their life out of just feelings. There are responsabilities too and that comes along with commitment aka marriage.

[dustybiker2]

That is my point. If you don't have that trust keep looking for someone you do have it with. As they may be someone you are dating now, it's only foundation for future. And life is balance its not black and white.

[HawkPerception]

After you're married and have a family of your own, your priorities will inevitably shift as is the case in life. But as for a relationship in the dating phase... no. You should almost always put your family first. That only addresses cases where you had a healthy family upbringing and not a toxic and abusive one.

[Asker]

Exactly my point indeed. I like it when there are logical men that aren't focus on placing a girlfriend first just because of invested feelings and gestures; that think that's commitment lol. So what? A family isn't only about feelings and loving the person but commitment, duties and responsibilities too. Since there is no actual commitment, duties nor responsibilities on the boyfriend and girlfriend stage, they aren't a family.

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

I can't really do that, unless.. he turns to be my fiance/husband.

[Asker]

Exactly. This is what so many women fail to think. Too many women are with bfs that won't propose nor even give her a child after years of dating. They sure don't deserve to even be on top priority.

[Cutegirl06]

I agree 💯 with you! My family comes first unless like you said you are married to them that's different. Other than that family always comes first 💯

[Asker]

Exactly. I can't stand the women that do too much for a boyfriend, place him on top to the point of spending less time with the family, even buy a house with him, serve him with food, wash his clothes, etc. without even getting engaged. LOL

[avery58]

Than family, no. Friends, yes (my opinion). But when you get married and live together/have kids then they become your immediate family.

[Asker]

Definitely. If he were my husband of years and kids, yes he would be considered my family. If it's a boyfriend I've been dating for years but no kids nor marriage, nothing serious other than feelings, romance and sex, then I see no point in placing him in 1st place.

[itsclearlynicholas]

No family and friends first, forget 'em, lovers cheat and sometimes lovers don't last / only string a person along lol 😆 👿😈 lol

[itsclearlynicholas]

Anyone's folly is ever giving 100 percent trust. Nothing is 100 percent. Forget 'em with savage tone of voice lol 😉😆 divorce lawyers must love couples who divorce 😭😆 in 10,20,30 years lol maybe they worked previously as marriage lawyers then divorce lawyers hahaha 😂🤣

[itsclearlynicholas]

No advice - I'm staying single ✌🏻😋♂️

[Asker]

Interesting. I never though I would find a logical person here. At least if a boyfriend wrongs me, I still have my friends and family supporting me, being always there for me.

[Anonymous]

girlfriend? No. Wife or husband? Most definitely!

But this answer is based on my family. I know not all families are created equal. My family is really tight. A woman has to earn her spot above my family.

[Asker]

Exactly. Finally someone that thinks logical, that's making sense and looking past just feelings and romance you shared with someone but no real responsibilities.
The amount of people placing too much important on a boyfriend or girlfriend that you're not even thinking of marrying nor having kids with is sad.

[TommyMountainFigure]

If you're clever, you never have to be in a position where you'd need to pick sides.

[Account]

Family and friends (who are considered extension of family) come first for me.

[Sevenpointfive]

i don't want a person to change my life like that. it's negative and happens all too often

[Anonymous]

I think one that you know you're going to spend the rest of your life with and are going to get married to, should be top priority.

[handsomelad70]

In most cases, family should prevail over significant other.

[Asker]

Exactly. Unless he becomes my husband and we have kids, then he can get his important spot in my life because that's a family right there.

[OtterMan68]

No. A wife/husband is your family, but not a boyfriend/girlfriend

[Asker]

Finally a man that thinks like me. I wonder why there are very few logical people. I can't help but laugh at those that think just being boyfriend and girlfriend and sharing feeling is commitment and place them on the top priority... LMAO

[Anonymous]

If you've been together and it's serious, yes. this person could be the mother/father of your child someday.

[jahaims]

Your kids>partner> friends and family

[WilliamPamer446]

Depends

[Asker]

This makes sense. I've seen too many people placing so much importance on just a boyfriend/girlfriend they won't plan on staying for the long-run nor having a future with. Considering someone you don't see a future as top priority (ahead of your friends and family) is ridiculous.

[WilliamPamer446]

I understand there all different relationships but Family n friends important to and people ignore the other two when they have a girlfriend

[WilliamPamer446]

I'm guilty of ignoring my friends and family when I have a girlfriend to my own detriment

[WilliamPamer446]

U need healthy distribution of time for all 3 relationships

[Asker]

yeah you should never ignore your friends and family. If they dump you or cheat on you, then you still have them as your support group. They're there permanently meanwhile someone you're just dating isn't.

[WilliamPamer446]

It's tough cuz girls girl trip me and I get overwhelmed tryna figure out what I want, thas why I dont want a girlfriend until I figure this out. This is nuanced and family friends are important just as much as girlfriend.