My boyfriend is really close to his mother. To the point that she is at our house almost every day. This week she was here MTWFS. Help! Am I wrong?

[Anonymous]

I love her and she can be really sweet and helpful but there's a BIG catch. She needs entertainment. She complains about what is on TV until you give her the remote. She buts in when I discipline my daughter and makes her go against what I tell her. She doesn't clean up after herself. She constantly needs attention. If I'm on the phone, she is talking to me/asking meaningless questions while I'm speaking with someone else. If I'm trying to take a nap (I work overnight) she has to wake me up to ask me about a TV show. Mind you I'm pregnant as well. She claims that I'm not sleep and I hear her but choose to ignore her. Most weeks lately it has been almost every day. I'm starting to feel like I am dating her too. She constantly is asking my boyfriend for money. Lately she has been asking him for "lunch money" every week. She makes more than I do! Every time we go somewhere without her she asks why we didn't tell her because "She would have gone." If my boyfriend gets me a gift, she acts as if she is jealous. She will help around the house but she feels like she is the queen of the castle. I think she does this because she is here so often! She comes over and complains that she is hungry and we never have anything. Then we are expected to make/buy her dinner. My boyfriend isn't as irritated by this as I am because she doesn't have anybody. She refuses to date anyone. She will call him 4-5 times during our time together. Even worse on weekends. At this point, he is filling up her gas tank, paying some of her bills, giving her lunch money, feeding her dinner, etc. With a baby on the way this makes me upset. I want him to help her, but the way she is acting is like a brat. Yesterday she even told me to shut up! I told my boyfriend that his mother is his girlfriend. I snapped at her yesterday and told her to go home and he said I was rude! But it's the truth! I'm not trying to share a grown man with his mother! I even joked that I'm confused about which one I should marry!

[midnightmoon05]

Good luck.

I had that. We have been divorced 10 years.
he finally realized how mentally ill she is.
he also learned to stop taking kids to visit his parents… they are both very toxic…he had no escape growing up because he is an only child…now that he saw how we continue to raise our kids in a healthy way…realizes how his parents messed him up in a toxic way.

[Asker]

Yeah. It really is a mental illness and they are both in denial about it! Very codependent there. I'm starting to feel like a third wheel! They don't learn until you're gone! Thanks for the advice.

[midnightmoon05]

Exact reason why we are divorced…” another woman” in the relationship. You have to make a decision if you can be in this kind of relationship/marriage.

[Immie85]

You need be clear with your boyfriend that boundaries need to be set. Sounds like he needs to grow up and tell his mother your his girlfriend, partner and it’s time she grew up and let you build a life together that she can be apart of but not control.

[Asker]

Yes! He is very much a people pleaser and is trying to be the one to "Take care of his family." He is loving the spotlight he is getting from giving money, etc. but I am starting to feel like his mother is the partner and I'm the guest in my own household. Counseling is definitely needed but I hope something happens to make her realize she has a problem in the first place! She is very hard headed and thinks nothing is wrong with her. She never admits when she is wrong. smh. Thanks for the advice! I'm taking into account any and everything to resolve this. It all starts and ends with him!

[midnightmoon05]

That’s how the mother is… therefore how the son responds to the mother…

[KrakenAttackin]

She's a girlfriend not a wife, she has no right to set boundaries with his mother.

[Stevefiveo]

Yeah, he is definitely a Mama's boy. Sounds like you are two kids deep to try and break up with him. You are going to have to talk to him or write him a note explaining everything you just said here. I'm not sure if it's going to sink in for him. If things don't improve, I would suggest couples counseling. Good luck.

[Guy13]

You both shoukd never be home on weekends until dark. Hopefully, she stays home. 🤷🏻‍♂️

[Asker]

That sounds like a good idea to me! I'm going to try it! At this point I'll try anything! Now, I just need something to stop her from coming almost every day of the week, too!

[Guy13]

www.meetup.com see if there is a hobby either you two or her like there.

[OlderAndWiser]

You're not wrong. . . you're just with the wrong guy! And you have at least one child with him and another en route. This shold have been sorted out before you had kids.

[Summeroflove]

She shouldn’t be doing that. She’s coming to your house and telling you how to do things.

[Avicenna]

It’s time to do something about that. It’s ridiculous.

[FunkyMonkee]

Get another t. v. in another room and, when she complains about what you're watching and you hand over the remote, quietly sneak off into the other room and watch what you want on the other t. v.. Eventually, she SHOULD get the idea that she's taking over and SHOULD get the hint that it's NOT okay with you. If she's sitting there watching it by herself, she might just as well stay home and watch it!
As for the kid, grandmas ALWAYS usurp the decisions of the parents!!
Refuse to clean up after the queen! Let HER do it! If she asks why it's still there a day or two after she left it, "Because that's the way you left ii! "I'll clean up after MY kid until she learns to do it herself but you're old enough to know better! Between work, taking care of the house, raising my kids, etc., I don't have time to clean up after a grown woman who should know better.." Or, as it's HIS mother, have HIM tell her off!!
Try this, if you know she's coming over, make a huge mess in the house and, eventually, she'll get tired of cleaning up YOUR shit and not come over as often and you can even shove it in HER face, "Now you know how WE feel when YOU make a mess and leave it for US to clean up!!"
Another option is to tell him, either she goes or I do!

[Mangospacho]

You are in the right, here. Your boyfriend should be grown up enough to stand up to his mom especially with a child and a baby on the way. This is probably a preview of the way things are going to be if you get engaged and married. Your boyfriend just blaming the circumstances on her not having anyone is just him playing into her manipulation so clearly her tactics work. She’s not gonna date anyone as long as her son is paying for everything she wants.

The problem is that he is probably used to this behavior from her and doesn’t even have the will to fight her on anything. The bigger problem is that, even with a baby on the way, his mother is the most important woman in his life. This should absolutely be a dealbreaker for you since he will probably only love his mommy even more than his future wife and mother of his children. You should go for an ultimatum now because things will not get better because his mommy can do no wrong. Make him choose between you and his mommy because she obviously doesn’t care if you’re in the picture or not.

[BJP21]

First of all, is it your house or is it his moms house? Its all find and dandy if she's a help here and there. There's got to be a boundary set even if its family. The environment in which your boyfriend is creating by having his mom there isn't doing you or him any good. You're pregnant you dont need anymore unnecessary stress then you already have.

[Kiaros21]

No no no. This is why I don't like dating guys who have a great relationship with their moms. She is very invasive and definitely in love with him. Girl I don't know what to say but I sure wasn't dealing with that.

[Koalamate]

I was about to suggest setting boundrys or suggest family counselling because this is not healthy, then I realised this is exactly like my mother so boundrys don't work.

Tell her to go home and give you guys space.

[Finchie40]

Yea that is too much , you need to tell your boyfriend to have words with her that you guys need your space , if she gets mad about it she will get over it

[LemiaOfThunder]

Honestly I wouldn't worry about it. Some people are close to family members weather they lost a parent and during the healing process and bonded or just close. I often critzed my ex for being close to her sisters.

[Sugar100]

My boyfriend is mommas boy and I live alone as he lives with his mom 🥲 I can’t help and give you advice lol

[art84]

Sounds like the mom doesn't want let go of the son emotionally and let him live his life with you. She obviously wants attention and acts like a child wanting to be included in everything.

[annabananna]

She needs a man! Sounds like emotional incest. Does your husband feel guilty putting boundaries or is he just ok with this?

[Anonymous]

I think you will have to let go of the two of them, without hoping you can sever the two of them and have the man for you.

[Anonymous]

and yet your boyfriend does nothing to set boundaries. this will end in a break up.

[Jamie05rhs]

That dude needs to learn the concept of boundaries. (And so does his mom.)

[Anonymous]

He is a mama's boy. Say you guys need some alone time

[WhitneySnow]

I don’t blame you

[Danny_dan92]

You mad that you can’t fuck your man in peace huh?

[Bklynbadboy12]

You have a mama's boy run while you still can