My boyfriend is changing and I don’t know what to do?

[Anonymous]

We moved in together and I think I’m getting all the real ness now.

he’s younger than me and never lived alone. He seems to want his mother and father around a lot and he got super excited because they asked us for dinner which was fine. What was not fine was that we’ve only been in our new place for a week (most of which was spent putting things away etc) and now we have to stay at his mothers house Friday night. There’s no privacy there and we also have to stay for breakfast in the morning.

I've had to really try to get him to do things and it turns out he never even made his bed before. His response was that he is earning money all day. I am a doctor and I’m out earning more money than him (he’s an electrician) so I don’t need to be told this. He also said “alright mum” when I said about how the bed should be made.

It’s just getting on my nerves how much of a mammas boy he’s being and I feel neglected like we haven’t even had any alone time but he’s not bothered. I’m starting to feel like his mother.

We’ve got an absolutely gorgeous place worth close to £500k and he wants to run off to his mothers place which isn’t anything as nice.

How can I sort this out?

[Belgie]

This is something you have to tell him forcefully. And here's the thing, you won't want to hear this but it's true.

You'll probably have to tell him 20 times or more.

He has clearly lived a life where his mothers directions have been ignored, with no consequence. And so you'll not just be fighting ignorance and laziness but also a lifetime (so far) of bad habits.

You will have to forcefully and firmly, but not angrily, explain that he needs to grow up. Any man can dress his own bed, wipe his own arse, and dress himself in the morning.

It will be so very hard to correct this behaviour without losing respect for him or treating him with contempt (which will only make him dig his heels in and be more resistant to change). But just like repetition (and a swear jar) can make a man stop swearing (eventually) if you're patient and really do love him, you can force him slash encourage him to grow up into the man you want him to be.

[Asker]

How do I explain to him how to grow up and detach and not sound like I’m having a go or for him to take it the wrong way

[Belgie]

The same way you'd tell your own child when he was learning for the first time. With love and tolerance and patience.

[Anonymous]

I know this might sound strange, but seduction may be an effective method to make him more responsive and attentive to you - it's the strongest power anyone will have over him.

The silent treatment will likely backfire or not make any impact if he isn't paying attention already.

Men's brains are simple. Try to use the attraction he has for you as a way of influencing him, you can increase the potency of your control over him by using a seductive voice and body language when asking for something etc.

[Asker]

Right now I’ll give anything a try albeit the last thing I feel like doing is seducing him. I’ve spent most of this evening sat alone whilst he is asleep on the sofa. He reacts like a child when I say anything to him or tell him why he shouldn’t do something

[Opinion Owner]

Situational seductive language and posturing can be a really affective way of getting us to do what you say, but you need to take charge - you're in control when you do it, and you don't give the horse the carrot until it's moved.

[EtherielQueen1]

Hmm well it’s not the same but my boyfriend is similar, we don’t live together yet but he’s very much a mummy & daddy’s boy which worries me when we do move in together eventually.
You need to talk to him now about his behaviour before it gets worse, don’t leave it.
He needs to know it’s not fair to you and that if you’re going to live together then there’s are rules and expectations, he can’t treat you like his mother.

[MzAsh]

Doesn’t sound like you’ve been with him very long and doesn’t sound like the two of you have properly communicated your expectations. You’ll learn good lessons from this.

[Anonymous]

hey i don't make my bed either. the problem you're having is you need a good fucking and he hasn't given you one. no orgasm no good fuck nothing and it's getting on your nerves. maybe he thinks about fucking his mother more which is why he wants to continuously go over there. just for starters why don't you have his parents over your place and set boundaries when they do come over. look one thing i've learned is you gotta pick your battles especially with people like him.

[Asker]

Yes the last time we fucked I had to get him to finish me off after with his hand because he came and then was just like “oh ok that’s it”.

[Asker]

How do I set boundaries? He’s making me go to his mothers for tea and now he wants us to sleep there even though we’ve only just got our own place!!!

[Asker]

Sorry I’m just so mad

[Opinion Owner]

hey i don't blame you. you have every right to be mad. there are plenty of help topics on setting boundaries you just have to BING or YAHOO search it because google is useless. but from what i can briefly summarize be firm with what you want

[boggboss]

U got with someone that not on the same maturity age as u and now have a issue he is not acting like u want

[Asker]

The thing is, I feel like he was but now he’s changed. Like I’ve been deceived in some wAy if that makes sense

[boggboss]

U didn't get deceived u had never lived with him and assumed he was a fully functioning person because u are thats why people saying moving in makes or breaks people he never promised u to be what u imagined he was

[Amyth20]

He needs some understanding.
And if it's gettifnt more out of control.
Start controling him

[Asker]

Yeah you mean like I just need to tell him no, we’re not doing that etc?

[Amyth20]

Yes.
Also explain him what you are looking at.
Give the silence treatment sometimes.
It works

[iseekpinetrees]

You pick your battles. Is the bed being made really a thing? We never make outs til it's bed time then it gets fixed because I sleep crazy. He's new to it be patient.

[CantGetItUp]

Help him get the clothes on