Relationships

Why can’t I let go of resentment towards my boyfriend?

my boyfriend and i have been together for 7 years. i’m convinced that he wasn’t ready to be in a relationship when we first got together. he was in his selfish years just still recently. i stayed regardless of his selfish years because i had hope that he would one day change. however, i’m so used to his selfishness that i resent him for everything he has done to me. i was super nice to him when we got tougher now i barely recognize who i am. here are some things he has done: he liked bikini/butt pictures, he said horrible things when he was drunk, he talked to a girl on facebook, he went on upskirt dot com, he would screen shot pictures he liked and lied to my face about it every time. we barely go out anywhere, we don’t go out on dates, we don’t go out on vacation, we don’t even go on little adventures anymore. he has apologized to me thousands of times about this, but I don't know why i can’t let it go and grow from this. people change, he has changed- he doesn’t do those things anymore. i just can’t let it go. i’ve always wanted this from him but i can’t stop thinking about everything he has done. he still drinks super heavy and spends a lot of money on buying beer. i’m also convinced that’s why we don’t go on dates or vacations. i beg him to stop drinking beer, but he doesn’t listen. i dont want to change him, i want him to change himself and i’m ready for it. i’m still here because he has shown me that he wants to change, he has cried to me that he wants to change. trust me, i know actions are stronger than words. i want to stop resenting him from the past, i want to focus on the present. i also want to stop nagging him, complaining, bitching. i want to be the nice person i was before i became broken.
Why can’t I let go of resentment towards my boyfriend?
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