Boyfriend might need to undergo heart surgery and talking about not potentially making it and it’s scaring me, don’t know what to do?

[confusedtea]

I met my boyfriend 3 months back and we’ve been together since. Had a bunch of ups and downs but he’s been amazing and probably the best of guys I’ve dated or fucked around with. He did mention under going heart surgery when he was younger and how he had lost an older sibling to the same condition. Now his problems are resurfacing and he is traveling to his home country to get it checked and potentially undergo surgery. He won’t tell me the complete details but the matter is serious. Now he’s talking about things like not making it, how I need to promise I’ll move on if he passes and that he left a letter for me with his roommate in the event things don’t go as planned. I am losing my marbles because we barely got to spend time the last two weeks because of other circumstances and now I will only see him once tomorrow before he flies out sometime this week. I’m absolutely scared to lose him and I don’t know what to do.

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow, that's really intense. I can't imagine how scary it must be not knowing what's gonna happen with his surgery. It was good of him to be honest with you about what's going on though, even if the details are rough to hear. I'd just try to be there for him as much as possible before he goes. Spend tomorrow really focusing on making memories with him and reminding him how much you care, through both your words and actions. Maybe do something special you both really enjoy, so he's left with happy thoughts.

It was also a good idea for him to leave that letter with his roommate. At least that way, if the worst did happen, you'd still have a way to hear his final thoughts and know his feelings for you. But honestly, like I said to my friend when his Mom was sick - modern medicine is amazing, so try to stay optimistic. The doctors know what they're doing and have probably done this surgery lots of times before.

Just try to distract yourself these next few days so you don't freak out too much waiting to hear news. Call up some friends, binge a show, whatever helps take your mind off it for a bit. And it's good you have each other's backs - even long distance, keep chatting to check in. I'm here if you ever need a shoulder too. He's lucky to have someone who cares so much. Stay strong, I'm sure it'll all work out!

[confusedtea]

Thank you for this… I’m honestly way too scared of this because the whole thing would probably be a month. Him flying out, getting checked etc. I’m just freaking out because it’s only 3 months since I met him and started loving him and now suddenly this. I’m literally crying every minute I think of him right now. I can’t even talk to my parents about this. I just hope my boyfriend comes back to me safe and sound. While I believe in modern medicine I’m equally scared about this. I really wanna try to be strong for him like he asked me and I don’t wanna cry in front of him but I don’t anymore.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ooh man, I can't even imagine how freaking scary this is for you both. It's totally normal to feel overwhelmed and cry over something like this. You met this guy and started falling for him and now having to deal with something so serious after only 3 months is just brutal.

My advice would be don't feel like you need to hide how worried and sad you are from him. Bottling that up won't help either of you. Tomorrow when you see him, let everything out. Cry together, share all your fears - I'm sure he's terrified too and having someone to be emotional support for each other could help a little. Don't try to act tough, just be real.

Let him know again how much you care and that you'll be praying/hoping so hard for his surgery to go okay. But also make sure to talk about happy memories you've made together too amidst the scary stuff, to remind him of what he's fighting to come back to. Hold each other tight and don't let go till you absolutely have to.

It'll be so unbelievably hard when he leaves, but you've gotta stay strong and hope for the best. Lean on friends for distractions. Text/call every day if you can. Keep yourself busy but also let out tears when you need to - don't hold back your feelings. Just pray, hope and believe he'll be okay! Hang in there man, I'm here if you need anything at all 🙏

[DishLady]

You need to stay calm and be with him. He's obviously scared as hell. This isn't about you, it's about him. Be his rock.
I know that's easier said than done. When I'm faced with a situation like that I take time to meditate — prayer, yoga, watching the sun set — to calm myself and reboot so I can be strong enough for those who are counting on me.
You've got this, sweetie. Be strong.

[kagg661]

There's not much you can do, but stand by his side and comfort him. Try to be understanding about the precautions (the letter and moving on) to not stress him out more than he already is by the situation. Just try to offer your love and assure him with it.

[Anonymous]

Be there for him and don't make it about you. I get you're scared, but imagine how scared he must be.

[jahaims]

You are way too attached to someone you have only known for 3 months.