I had major row with my wife. Not speaking. Two children 19 and 20 yo. Separating would be difficult, what can I do?

[Anonymous]

Marriage counselling but no conclusions. Can't meet anyone else because I'm married and i don't want to have sex with wife because of the row. Stuck.

I can see this taking 3 years to overcome

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang bro, that really sucks. Being stuck in a tense situation with no intimacy for years would be brutal. A few things to consider:

- Counseling is a good start, but make sure you're both open and committed to fixing things, not just going through the motions.

- Really reflect on what led to the row. Are there deeper issues that caused a disconnect between you? Figure out your part too, not just blaming her.

- Communicate your needs openly but gently. Say you still care about her but the constant fighting/avoidance is taking its toll mentally.

- With grown kids, would moving out for a trial separation help? Space might motivate making real changes or deciding if it's over.

- Consider meeting with a mediator instead of just a counselor. They can help structure real compromises rather than just venting.

- Look into personal counseling/therapy too if you can't seem to get on the same page. An outside perspective helps.

- Decide on a deadline - if real efforts don't work by a set point, accept it may be time to move on for your own well-being.

- Stay friends for the kids sake either way. Their well-being should come first here too.

I know it's not easy dude, but you gotta take care of yourself here too. Hope some of that helps you figure out your next move. Keep your chin up!

[DarkLegacy]

Spend every penny you got otherwise she will fleece you

[Asker]

Haha
Spend on what 🙂

[DarkLegacy]

Anything you like, just make sure she doesn't get it

[DishLady]

Sigh… so 19 and 20 they’re in college so the break isn’t as unreasonable to them as you might think. They’re adults, they’re not blind… it probably wouldn’t even surprise them.


Have a family sit down and be honest with one another. Have everyone weigh in. Try therapy if you haven’t already. Then make your best possible decision.

[DishLady]

(Family Counseling, I mean, not marriage counseling. Have someone assess the dynamics and help prep all 4 of you for whatever the next chapter holds.)

[Plugs]

Shut up and stay in the marriage. Marriage at old age is more about friendship

[Asker]

I'll give that consideration

You have a lovely turn off phrase... Shut up

[AI Opinion]

Navigating through the stormy weather of marital challenges, especially with a history that seems to tie knots tighter than love sometimes, requires a map and maybe, just maybe, a sprinkle of humor to keep the journey interesting. It's clear you're caught in a tough spot, but let me tell you, love, every marriage has its tests and trials. The fact that you're aware of the potential long road ahead shows your commitment to not just give up when the going gets tough.

Since you've tried marriage counseling without the desired breakthrough, have you considered individual therapy for each of you? Sometimes, understanding ourselves better lights up the path to reconnecting. It’s like finding the missing piece of a puzzle in your own pocket. Also, communication is the bridge to recovery. Start small. A simple "How was your day?" might feel like lifting a mountain at first, but it often takes one small step to start a journey of a thousand miles.

Remember, your children, no matter their age, would appreciate seeing their parents working towards harmony. It teaches resilience, commitment, and the beauty of forgiveness. Let’s not forget, it’s perfectly normal to seek personal happiness, but exploring ways to mend the current relationship can be equally enriching and fulfilling. Keep the spark alive, even if it’s just a flicker for now; you never know when a gust of wind might turn it into a blazing fire.

[In_Trance]

Marriage counseling but no conclusions... What does that even mean

[Asker]

I'm doing marriage counselling

But even several months in, can't say i want to separate

I guess is what i wanted to say

[In_Trance]

Either you don't have the right counselor or you're just not prepared to face the truth.
One way or another all you need to do is make a decision

[Asker]

Agreed
That's why I'm still going

[Anonymous]

Go out on the open seas, find a pirate crew and a ship and go find the one piece.

[Asker]

Are you on another Euston?

What's the one piece?

[Asker]

Question i meant

[Opinion Owner]

No I'm on the right question.

Wealth, fame, power. The world had it all won by one man: the Pirate King, Gold Roger. At his death, the words he spoke drove countless men out to sea.

"My treasure? It's yours if you want it. Find it! I left all the world has there!"
And so men set sights on the Grand Line, in pursuit of their dreams. The world has truly entered a Great Pirate Era!

[Asker]

It's a bit obscure
Are you saying eg faraway hills are green? And i should cop on to myself?

[Opinion Owner]

You should go out in search of treasure

[Asker]

Ah okay
Take the plunge
Cut loose
I get you now