I am in a LDR with a divorced woman with kids?

[Anonymous]

So, I am in a relationship with a divorced woman with kids.

I have never been in relationship with a divorced woman. She has cute kids whom I like and will keep as my own but I want to make sure she really likes me and looking at same things.

I am in a bit of rush really while she wants to take things slowly though.

Also what is different between single and divorced woman? Can someone please share their experiences

[Anonymous]

She's poor and a single mom. She probably would want to date anyone else besides you if she didn't have kids. You probably don't have a lot of money, but being a single mom is rough and she would rather have you around to take care of the other man's kids.

She can't go up to a guy with a good salary because he doesn't want her. So she's lowering her standards to just get what she wants. You're poor, but at least she'll have you to help her raise whoever the dad was kids.

Women usually accept whoever whenever they have a lot of debt to pay or are a single mom because they get something out of it. Yes, she will stay, but just like Steve Harvey learned the hard way she doesn't really want to be with you.

[Asker]

Hey, she hasn't asked me for money. And I am still not that poor. I am time poor actually 😔. Like if I spend time on work then I earn but if I go away things fall apart. So, I can't go meet her immediately. I can do that I send her money for a plane ticket which is unlikely that she accepts but in either case I want to be with her. She clarified from start her kids are her family. I have absolutely no problem with her kids. But I want her to have children with me and not grow too old waiting for the perfect opportunity.
It saddened me but I really really like her a lot. I don't care if she lowered her standards or not but I do care if she is loyal and stick with me through thick and thin.
Her husband cheated on her and she got a divorced.

[Opinion Owner]

She's not after your money like in Steve Harveys case. And she's not in debt. Being a single mom just sucked and she would rather have another guy take of the kids. She still will stay.

Your case is not the same as Steve Harvey. In your case she realized being a single mom really sucks and she would prefer not to be alone. So it's not for your money. It's just shed rather have a man help her raise the kids.

[Asker]

So what should I do? Should I not take the chance? She is definitely a keeper. She works hard for the kids you wouldn't believe

[Mamaliv]

Couple questions, have you actually met in person? How old are her kids? How long have you been in this relationship?

[Asker]

We will meet in person next year. We are both in low income group so travel is not easy.
And her kids are school going 10-12 years old. Relationship is few months old

[Mamaliv]

Well, single mothers have a lot of responsibilities on their plates. She won’t be able to give you all of her attention when you want it. Her priority will always be her children, as a single mother you can’t move at a fast pace in a relationship, you have to be patient. If you care and are really serious about being with her then you’ll respect that. Kids at that age will have an opinion too, you’ll have to tread lightly cause if they don’t like you it’s gonna become 10x more complicated.
Here’s the reality, find ways to spend time together when she isn’t weighed down with her responsibilities, you’re not gonna be able to do this if you can’t find ways to visit each other. You can’t just up and move into her home with her children, it won’t work. You gotta be able to build a solid relationship between the two of you (and that can’t be done if you can physically spend time with one another) before she should even bring you around her kids.
I do believe that if two people really want to make things work they will, but you better prepare yourself to work for it.

[Asker]

Thanks, I want to work for it. I want to take it slow but I have this fear in my mind which is really irrational if I put so much h effort and it still fails. Visiting is totally impossible for both of us right now.
What I can do is send her physical things. She never asks but I want to send them as my commitment to her.
I am well aware her children come first and I want to build a bond with them too. I do respect her and not want to rush things but I wish to have my own kids in addition to her kids too. What if it takes years for her and we are both same age 30

[Mamaliv]

Make sure she knows exactly how you feel! Does she know you want kids and does she want to have more children? Women are having children into their 40s more and more it can be risky but it’s becoming quite common, so you have time. Be very careful sending her things, you never know who your meeting over the internet.

[Asker]

Well, she is real. And young, not beautiful like you but to me she is enough. You are 37 and beautiful but she is 30 and look a little pale. She is open to having kids. But she wants to wait for 4 years for the relationship to go further. I ideally wish it were 1-2 years.
And, small gifts aren't much if she isn't trustworthy they will prove it and relieve me instead of making too much effort

[Anonymous]

What’s the rush?

[Asker]

What do you mean? It's a LDR relationship and the better we move together the better the odds we will adjust. Her kids will be easier to adopt I think.
Plus, I am being forced to say yes to parental choice or her. And I want to choose her

[Opinion Owner]

I mean why are you trying to rush her along, against her wishes? You knew what you were getting into with an LDR, so while yes this shouldn’t be a long-term arrangement, you can’t just rush her along into moving and marriage simply because it’s in your best interest. She’s a mother with kids who would have to adjust to moving and meeting a whole new person, you can’t be selfish when kids are involved. Patience is key.

[Opinion Owner]

You’re treating her kids like dogs that just need a kennel and some food.

[Asker]

I would never treat them like that. I love her and her kids will be my kids. I want them to call me father or Dad:/.
I can wait for her but I will be truthful to you. I had a lot of failed relationships and an engagement that broke off and now, frankly I don't care. I was patience with 4 girls in my past. They kept me on wait and then one day went and get married saying it's what their parents decided.

This girl is someone I feel like she is a gem 💎 in the sand. I don't want things to fail and I am willing to give her whatever she needs to live comfortable, both her and the children if only I know the patience will be rewarded

[Opinion Owner]

If you don’t have kids then it may be hard for you to structure your plans for the future with their comfort at the top of your list, but that’s what life will be as a dad. You know all about them, but in their eyes you’re just that guy on the phone if your girlfriend has brought you up. It’s going to take time for them to know you, adjust, live with you, you’re not dealing with a childless woman who can match the pace you want exactly. It’s ok to feel concern due to your failed relationships but you have to keep in mind that not every woman will produce the same outcome, so don’t proceed with this woman telling yourself that if you don’t hurry throngs along them you’ll lose her. If that were the case then she was never as serious as you in the first place.

[Asker]

I think your words carry weight. Thanks, I didn't realize I was being stupid by looking in the mirror instead of looking through the glass window. Her kids don't see me as her husband or their father. I am still unknown to her children.

I will wait for her and thank you for this advice:). I do the effort and God will have the ultimate say which I really wish is good for me and her both Amen

[Opinion Owner]

No problem! Everything will work out how it’s supposed to🙏

[In_Trance]

Whatever works for you

[Asker]

It's nothing like that.