My ex boyfriend's good friend asked me out!

[Anonymous]

Hi! My ex and I broke up 2 years ago, but we're still good friends. Since he was always very shy, we only got to hang out with 3 of his friends, and only a couple of times. Two weeks ago he called me cause he needed a "date" for his best friend's graduation and he couldn't get a girl. That's when I met his friend J.D...we started talking and he and I really connected. When I asked my ex where had he met J.D., he told me he was one of his closest friends! And I never knew because he never told me about him! They even went to school together! Anyway, J.D. and I have been texting each other since the party (my ex doesn't know), and he asked me out yesterday...what should I do? Is it too wrong to date him? I really like him!

[Anonymous]

DONT DO IT...you no longer date your ex and if they are very good friends you can pretty much bet that he already asked your ex about you (every detail has been shared). Most men after they broke up with you don't care about secrecy of your privacy. You think your ex doesn't know...he knows and most likely he has even already blessed it and told him that he didn't care if he dated you not thinking that you would do it lol or that he would go for it lol. Truly think about where you plan for this relationship to go, if its just sex and you don't mind being known as the girl shared between friends then go for it but if you like hiim for the long haul then think about you marrying him with your ex as one of his best men uuuhhh lol. Unfortunately, I am pretty sure you won't listen to me and you will go for it and then after you sleep with him he will move on or you will realize that there was a reason you picked your ex instead of him in the first place. No man marries a woman that they know their friend has already been with and seen naked. Sorry for the bad news but I suggest this is a no go and if 6 months from now or longer than it took you to sleep with your ex (which he may know when that was) that he sees you won't be easy and he is still ther pursuing you romantically consistently for 6 months then Id rethink it..

[Asker]

The thing is I'll bet my ass my ex hasn't talked to him about it because he's just too shy! He keeps it all bottled up, never shares his things with anyone...that's why I have this sort of dilemma, because I'd feel like we're hanging out behind his back or something...or maybe I'm just overeacting and overthinking it...IDK

[Opinion Owner]

Did you think thatt you and your ex would ever break up? Women don't see things like men do before they happen. Do you honestly think that they are close friends (unless not as close) and the friend knows NOTHING about you, even from when you and your ex were together. Even shy men aren't shy with their own friends, they are shy with other people they don't know. Like I said I am pretty sure you will go for it anyway just letting you know NO MAN says nothing to no one, unless he's not that close

[Opinion Owner]

If you are so sure then what is the harm of waiting. Continue to talk, hang out even flirt so he knows you are interested but no sex (or close to sex lol). If he's still interested then go for it. Unfortunately I still don't think it will work but at least you'll know then that you took precautions to not get yourself hurt. Ask another question on this site if any man would marry a woman that slept with his friend and you'll get a whole bunch of NO's ! Men don't want to think of it.

[Tamikaze]

I don't think it is wrong, it just might open a can of worms. I would take it real slow, keep my eyes open and keep all making out and sex out of it until you have dated for a while and are in a relationship. I would keep in mind some of the warnings of the Anonymous User who says DON'T DO IT. If your ex is so shy he cannot talk to anyone, well I dated someone like that so I know what you mean, but I also think it is odd that your ex's supposed best friend would do this.

[Asker]

He really is a good catch! He's a premed student, funny, smart...we hit it off really well. If my ex had only introduced us before! It's like...there was a spark between us, and then, as the party went on and we started talking, we realized who we were: I was my ex' ex girl, and he was my ex' friend...doomed to failure much?

[Tamikaze]

Hey, I don't read much into initial sparks nor would I worry about the rest. I normally would never go for dating an ex's friend but you two have been apart for 2 years and he is responsible for you two meeting. So, go forward dating as you would anyone. Keep in mind though you have a spark and he seems a "catch" in many ways, you need to get to know each other before you really see where this is headed. Good luck.

[rallz93]

It's not wrong at all. You're ex doesn't have that type of feelings for you anymore...And I think he kinda set you 2 up.

[wonderingwomen21]

if he's a good catch, go for it!