Is my ex husband trying to make me jealous, just be cruel or does he have regrets?

[peanut03]

My X cheated on me. I tried to work it out for over 2 years but the other woman was still in the picture. We were HS sweethearts and have 2 kids. He moved out one year and I filed a few months later. He was mad I filed. I know right. It was final year later. He did follow me around awhile after that knowing who I was talking to and where I went EVEN tho he was with someone else. I got remarried a year after that. (too soon but I had no elbow room to do anything without him on my tail) I do still love him BUT I'm also not stupid. He broke it off with the mistress after she cheated on him multiple times. Surprise! He's been on a mission to find someone else. He's also apologized over the last few years a couple of times. Before I got married he tried to kinda sorta come back home but I shut him down. Accepted the apology completely though. I forgave him. Understand though he was VERY mean during the divorce. He tells me of every girl he goes out with and how great she is (even how he feels sorry for these girls who's husbands left them...really?) --then w/in weeks these women are crazy, clingy or a number of other things. I was always the one who didn't pay him enough attention. At one point he told our girls he wished he'd never met the mistress and he wishes he could do things over again. When I asked him about it (because it was causing issues with our youngest) he said he never said that but my oldest said "yes he did." He's also said at one point how much the mistress meant to him. LOL Nice huh? We've been friends for 20 years so... We have shared a lot over the years. He hates my new hubby and thinks he treats me and the girls bad. Go figure. I just can't figure him out. He's asked to date my friends sister's (from high school time--not people I'm close to now), family members and even said stuff to my close friends we went to school with knowing they would probably tell me. At our youngest daughters play the other night he kept flashing a pic of a girl to my oldest but making sure I saw it. lol... I ignored it of course. The next day he made sure to tell me who she was and where he went after the play. Why does he do that? Is he just trying to be mean, make me jealous or what? It's working. He knows I miss our "family". A step family is sooooooo much harder than a nuclear one. Plus the kids tell all on their weekends with him. There are NO SECRETS. This is so not what I pictured my life to be. LOL... Just wish I could figure out what on earth he was doing with all the mind games. It's pretty crappy. Ugh. Guys? Any ideas? I'm stumped.

[Erik_Andersson]

He sounds really bad. I understand that it hurts, twenty years of knowing someone is a long time. And you have to keep in touch with him because of the children - it must be tough.

Sounds like he won't be in a good relationship again, if the women he goes out with are all dramatic - what kind of guy only finds women like that? What's the problem with this guy, he hit thirty and couldn't get over it? Immature. Bad upbringing I bet. No moral compass, no ideals outside himself - that causes a person to feel like he is losing the older he gets.

Life never turns out like we wanted it, we never get through it without getting dented. The fact is this world wasn't made to sustain us, we have to claw out a living, and organisms weren't made to accommodate each other perfectly, they constantly get in each others' way. Like ice in the winter: there is no use for it, but it's there, causing us to slip and get cold. And we slip and hurt our knees and still get up, because that's the only thing there is to do. This winter was the longest in Sweden in several decades, makes you think about things like that.

I come to think of a quote from Rocky Balboa, the last movie in the series. Had to go to YouTube and look up "Rocky Balboa speech" to find it. Here it is: "It's not about how hard you hit, it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning gets done."

Well, it's not Shakespeare, but it's true. Life is tough. It gets a little easier though if we eat right, get a bit of exercise, keep our heads cool, and learn how to override negative emotions with our will. And keep our flour clean, so we have nothing to be ashamed of. In the end the positive preparations add up and make life easier.

[wanacot]

He's doing exactly what you think he's doing. He's trying to hurt and manipulate you by telling you all of these things. What is his ultimate end goal? He probably doesn't have one.

It's hard to put myself in his shoes but I would imagine he is angry and sad most of the time. He gave up his wife and kids for a few fleeting moments of pleasure, only to be betrayed himself. I'm guessing he's simply trying to make your life as miserable as his life has turned out. You know the old saying, "misery loves company".

Other than continuing what you are doing (ignoring his childish behavior) the only other thing I can suggest is you confront him head on about his actions. Tell him you're well aware of what he's trying to do and you want him to be happy. Perhaps you can even convince him to start some sort of therapy or counseling to help get his life back on track.

My biggest concern with him still in your life is the potential negative effect he is/will have on your children. Remember that kids pick up a LOT of stuff, even the non-obvious body language and tension. It would be a real shame to see your kids hurt by his negative attitude.

[sewfresh]

he being very manipulative. I'm sorry that your kids are caught in the middle of this. you can't control what he does or says to them when he isn't around but you can control yourself and what goes on in your home. children tend to mimick their parents and I pray to God that they don't pick mates like him or think this is normal. if you can, try to get your children into therapy. the three of you should probably go together. maybe at some point you can invite your ex husband to attend as well. you saying that what he's doing is destructive may not have an impact but an impartial counselor or therapist may get through to him. this is a very unfortunate situation. however, you need to resolve within yourself that you are done with him in order for your daugthers to see that this is not right and that you are not appreciative of his actions. if you are going back and forth because it really is your desire to have a nuclear family, trust me, ex hubby can tell and is picking up on that and using it to his advantage to make you miserable.

[peanut03]

they have definitely been through counseling. I'm sure he does pick up on it. I recently (last week) divorced the second husband. he wasn't good to me or the kids. I jumped too soon. starting over and doing things right this time. putting both of them behind me!

[gummybear888]

an ex is an ex forever. don't look back, keep going forward.

understand you're the better person here.

i have no respect for cheaters myself and once I know a guy has cheated on me, the easier for me to move on from that situation.

you need to learn that guys like that do no deserve a second thought.

move on, be happier, find a better person or just do things to keep you preoccupied.

just maybe have a diary to write your thoughts in to deal with it.

maybe have a talk with your kids and tell them there are some things mommy does not want psycho ex daddy to know.

peace

[TheeRockNRolla]

He can't stand the fact that you won't let him back in your life. My father did a lot of crazy stuff like that plus more, all because he just wanted my mother to be with him, even though he didn't really love her and cheated. Some men feel the need to win, that's why he is doing little things to try to make you jealous. If he sees you react in a jealous way, he will feel empowerd, so don't let it be known or seen to him that it bothers you.

[AustinMan]

He's clearly a psycho. That he would involve your kids in his mess of a love life is completely inappropriate. I feel like you need to do a few things: 1) tell him that his love life is absolutely off limits for your kids and that there will be consequences if he continues. He's making their childhood about him and that is unfair and destructive. 2) He needs to move on and leave you out of it.

It's hard because you have your children in common but he is a self possessed cretin and it's up to you to protect your children from him.

[Joe814]

He sounds very regretful to the point of obsession. It is like I say there is no such thing as casual sex. It comes back to haunt you when all the chemical goodness fades away. He doesn't want you to see how he feels cause you might shoot holes through him with your wrath. Words at this point especially the truth can seem like wrath, that is why I try never to do things I may have to lie about, it is so much simpler.

[sewfresh]

i never answered your first question but yes, I do believe that he is doing all three. he definitely realizes that he made a huge mistake but instead of approaching this like an adult, he's acting like an idiot.

[prettymuscle]

Why does your ex husband still matter to you if you already have one, cause sense you still love him that's a problem and you need to move on, cause if my wife still loved her ex husband I would fill for an break up,

[studmuffin-perfect10]

dont worrier about your looking younger and so is your generation