Boyfriend wants me to choose between him and my cousin?

[Anonymous]

He wants me to cut off my cousin.
I used to have a boyfriend last summer, I had some problems going on and we were on long distance, I cheated on him. I really regret it. He found out when we met and I begged him to forgive me. We stayed ”friends” but we still had feelings for each other. I'm aware that I broke him, I really love him and I tried to make it work. I'm a whole different person now and I want us together. After months have passed everything started to get better we were basically dating but just with no name. Everything was perfect until we went to our hometown for holiday. He started to act like a douche and broke my heart. He told me that he loves me and wants to spend his life with me but there's only one issue. He hates my cousin and wants me to cut her off or he would never talk to me again. (He blames my cousin for me cheating on him. I went out at nights with my cousin all summer and she made me met that guy I cheated my boyfriend with. I went to my hometown with my cousin and I started seeing her after months). She is a really close family member and it's not possible for me to ”choose”. Even if I want to cut her off it's not possible for me to ”never see her again” because our parents are very close and meet often. I tried to explain him that but he doesn't care. He says she reminds him of being cheated again and again and he will never be mentally healthy if she stays. I told him I can see her less and put distance but he still doesn't care. He wants me to choose or he will cut me off even though it would be painful to him. If I choose him we would get back and have a great life together. Everything was going great I don't know why this came out of nowhere. I know this sounds stupid but I'm in love and I don't want to lose him. He is my first love. I'm really stressed due to in this case I don't really have a choice. I feel like I'm never going to be happy again. Please tell me what to do

[Goforit1010]

Choose between a family member and a BF? In this case, lose the boyfriend. Simple as that.

I KNOW your heart is wrapped around him, but NO ONE should tell you to choose between a family member and them. I thought your solution was a good one, to minimize the contact with her, but if this is how he feels and he can't get past it, then it's time for him to go.

Blaming your cousin for YOUR actions is stupid on his part too. YOU cheated on him, NOT her. So if anything, he should be mad at you still. Obviously, he'll never get past this situation. He's going to hold it always in the background, waiting for the right moment and use it against you in the future.

As much as it hurts, don't waste any more of your time with him and move on. You and your cousin can spend as much time as you'd like together. You can find a guy who loves your family as much as they love you.

[Asker]

thank you

[bamesjond0069]

Well its reasonable but taboo to make such a request.

Lets put it in different terms. Say your cousin is a meth addict. And she got you hooked but you kicked the habbit. Would it be reasonable for him to say not to hang out with her because its whats in your best interest and his?

You are no different than a drug addict, you lost control of your behavior and your cousin encouraged it. She is a bad person and bad people should not be part of your life. Id cut my parents out of my life in an instant if they became trouble and bad influences ruining my relationships.

Hate to say it but if you keep the cousin she's just going to put you in positions to cheat on the next boyfriend and it will start all over again.

[Asker]

Well, he is misdirecting his anger towards her. It was my fault. I may be mislead but she did not “force” me. I feel horrible, sad and guilty everyday. If i had any doubts about my loyalty now, I wouldn’t try so hard to make this relationship work and waste both our time. I want him to understand that I love him and I would never hurt him again. Cutting a close family member is almost impossible for me even if I want to because I get to see her a lot in family meetings (also i like her). I tried to explain him that a hundred times but he is too stubborn and clear about this. I really need to resolve this but I don’t know how. It’s eating me alive. I really do not want to lose him :(

[bamesjond0069]

Well you will and rightfully so. When you cheat you lost the right to play dangerous games such as hang with bad influence cousin. Id dump you too there is no wiggle room. You are no different than a meth addict demanding to be able to own meth but not smoke it. Suuuuurrrrreeeee.

[Wonderer89]

She’s your family and YOU were the one who chose to cheat. She didn’t make you do anything. If she’s a crappy person then it’s your choice to create some distance but totally cutting off your family because someone wants to blame them for what you alone did is just stupid

[Dchrls78104]

Unfortunately it's a mess you made when you cheated. At least humouring the guy would go far towards cleaning up your mess. If the cousin is indeed toxic, cut her off. It's better to deal with strangers or be by yourself than with toxic family members.

[Asker]

she is sweet and we grew up together :( I'm infatued with him and want him by my side, i feel empty without him. But there's no way i can cut her off. I just want him to understand it was my fault, accept it and start over...

[Dchrls78104]

The reality right now is that he can't stand your cousin. If he is wrong about her, then maybe with time, patience, and tact, you can talk to him and maybe her and smooth things over; if he is correct, then you have got a decision to make...

[Avicenna]

He's given you an ultimatum, and you tried to compromise. He's painted himself into a corner.

[Iron_Man]

I think you need start over and let your cousin stew over what she did tempting you. But Dont cut off family members ever

[johnnydoe24]

Cut him off and quick