Ex boyfriend bought me an expensive gift out of the blue?

[Anonymous]

Long story short I had a boyfriend, met someone else and broke it of with my boyfriend to go out with the other guy. Ex boyfriend knows I have a bf.

So this ex boyfriend bought me a $250 present and I accepted it. I've been meaning to talk to him about this.

My boyfriend thinks that he's stepping out of line and I think that it's a little to much to be given as a gift.

So are my boyfriend and I looking to much into this or is my ex really up to something?

He used to call and text me a lot but it settled down a bit but once he gave me the gift it started back up again. The other thing is that I'm working 90 miles from home and he wants to drive up to hang out.

I have no interest in the guy and I'd like to get other peoples opinion so I can talk to him and set him straight.

[Phoenix52]

You'd better give this gift back. By accepting it, it may make things worse. Your Ex will 'expect' you to appreciate it and give him something in return. Whether it's attention, sex, or whatnot.

This is known as bribery. Both sides lose.

Him = "I want her back and she should come back since I bought her that gift."

You = "Nice gift. I like it. Guess I'll keep it and give him nothing in return. It's gonna make me spoiled and I could possibly take advantage of him in the future, or let him do so himself by showing some affection. But in the end, he'll get MORE mad the harder he tries to win me back by buying me things"

Your ex is stupid. This is how many relationships fail. The boyfriend/husband takes the easy way out on anniversaries, gifts, or holidays by buying his girlfriend things, thinking all is well. When infact, it's not. Guys have to dog further with a females emotions and get/do something more meaningful for her that'll make her remember it.

I can see why you dumped him for this new guy. Your ex seems too desperate and clingy (texting everyday, seriously... didn't he have better things to do rather than flood you with so much attention? He wants to hang out at your place. Yep, still chasing ya).

[Asker]

Funny thing is that when I was dating him, he was hardly around. Hardly texted and called. There were times that I would leave to hang out with friends for the week and he would text me everyday. So it seems that whenever I'm not around he wants to contact me more. So it's annoying. He should have given me all that attention when we were dating. Not now that I'm happy and in a relationship with someone else. It just makes me mad, like really? Now is the time you choose to be a "good friend"

[ianm91]

Well I'd say if you have no interest in him, just set to him straight. Tell him we had an opportunity, we both tried but we didn't do our best and it's not worth the trouble of trying again.

I'd give him the gift back and tell him thank you but with every bit of respect that I have, I can't see you nor can I be with you or talk anymore.

Just have to tell that to him, tell him you have to be honest with yourself and to him. It may hurt him and or disappoint him, but tell him that you were thankful for what use to be and what is now you have think its best to move on.

I hope I give some kind of pointer to telling a guy no more. It'll hurt him maybe but he will learn from it.

[Asker]

Ive told him before that we're done. But the thing is that he's seen me go out with other guys and I'm worried that he might just see this as me going through another "phase" (guy) and that he still has a chance once this guy blows it. I'm really into my boyfriend and I just don't know how to make him understand that it's not going to happen between me and him anymore. Because we have gotten back together in the past, like 3 times or so. But I don't see that happening again with me and my ex.

[ianm91]

There is your answer to him then. You gave it 4 tries total. Tell him that you're happy right now, that you see yourself living your life with someone else and not him. you just have to tell him that the guy you are with now makes you happy and that things are going well for you. Just tell him you hope that he finds a girl that will accept him and fit him better. Tell him that you can't see anything with you two happening in the future or anything.You'll have to be upfront with him I wish you luck

[veeka]

I think it's thoughtful of him that he bought you a gift and it does NOT mean he's trying to bribe you at all !
I hate it when people assume that it has to be the bribe thing, that he's trying to 'buy' you or something like that. Maybe he's really trying his best and he wants to show you how much does he care about you...
I don't know how old are you , but all I can say now is that if he's a good guy (the ex) and you know that you can be with him , and that you have stuff in common and you've had your history with him... I know , that I couldn't ignore that... if he's trying...
But if you're absolutely sure that he's doing this just to bribe you... then... that's not okay...

All I know is... and this is the quote from Dexter and I really like it cause it's true...
"It all comes down to a simple mathematics. A really beautiful relationship is a once-in-a-lifetime thing and I've already had mine"

Keep that in mind.

[TheeRockNRolla]

There is no talking to him to set him straight. He still has feelings for you, and is trying to get back in your life as your boyfriend. If he didn't have an interest, he wouldn't have bought you a $250 gift. If the gift is really that expensive, then his feeling for you are really deep and probably loves you, especially if he's willing to drive 90 miles to see you. he loves you, and if he loves you, talking to him won't work because his feelings won't change so easily. If you don't have an interest in him then just let him go all together, why keep in contact?

[Asker]

I wish it were THAT easy. I've been trying to get him out of my life since 2005. I've told him to f*** off but he ALWAYS comes back. We're cool with it now (I think) and I don't mind keeping him as my friend (since that's what he wants) but I need to make him understand that it's just that and nothing more... I wonder if I should tell him that we can be friends but if he crosses a line then we're done talking, forever.

[tdaniel7]

By accepting the gift you are also disrespecting your current boyfriend. If you have no feelings for your ex, then return the gift. He might be still interested and you and continue this game. Just ignore every call, text, gifts etc. I'm pretty sure once your ex finds someone he will forget you exist. I hope this helps

[nobodyxd]

tdaniel7, i understand what you wrote, all i can say is that, i am in this situation, my girlfriend ex-boyfriend gave her a ipad expensive one, just today as a women's day gift, and she accepted it, dang it's hard for me to understand this, she accepted her ex gift, my gift to her is just a poem, that i wrote to her. I feel like I have been let down.

[DaveJord]

You never should of excepted the gift... I will tell you this if I was your boy freind I would be upset that you accepted that gift. To me the right thing would be for you to give it back and set him straight. But if you are angling to keep that gift... then your heart is not in the right place... not with your boyfriend or this other guy.

Guy friends... from a boyfriend perspective cannot be trusted. This guy crossed the line there is no doubt about that. And this why boy freinds never trust guy friends. Guy freinds lurk around in shadows and do shit like this... and then try to back door their way into a relationship with you... by causing turbulence in the relationship you ready have, by doing shit just like this.

[kriskiss]

the biggest mistake you did was take his xpensive gift. bad idea. gives him wrong idea. sounds pretty lousy you dumped this guy for your current beau. why was that. didn't really explain it. anwyay you gotta cut off all contact with this guy the present guy unless you make it clear you will just b friends. but I would give him the gift back to remove the guilt you feel. he is clearly smitten and its not right to keep it. will he be hurt. yeah but at least hell "respect' your honesty. plus he can use the 250 bucks on another girl who appreciates him and lives a bit closer than 90 miles

[Asker]

He wasn't ever around when we were going out. He was busy with school & work. However, when he had free time his friends always came first and made time to go to vegas a couple times. Never really took me out and if he did come by it was how you doin, sex and gotta go. I'd see him maybe 2-3 times a week and each time he came over it was for 30 min - 1 hour. The guy lived 5 min away from me (driving). Then when we were dating he would text me and stop texting back in mid conversation.

[Asker]

He wouldn't answer his phone. He also lived with 2 ex girlfriend. One of which he shared a room with (only one bed in the room) said he never did anything but I doubt it since they dated for 2 some odd years. Then he would always go to clubs and drink and he's the type of guy that will hit on girls.

Eventually this other guy was interested in me and showed me so much more attention even though he lived a state away. Before that guy came around I hadn't realized how unhappy I was with the relationship.

[Asker]

and how much I was putting up with.

So there was another guy that was willing to treat me how I deserved to be treated and I decided to take it. It wasn't easy and I feel bad for it but I just wasn't that happy with him and with what the relationship had become.

[Holsen]

I think you should cut his borders short and he may feel like he wasn’t doing good enough while you were boyfriend and girlfriend so you went with the other guy so he might think that by being more engaged he may have a better chance of returning with you so I think you should point it out that you have bo interest in him short and clear!!

[Anonymous]

WHy ITF did you even accept the gift? This is a perfect illustration of the reason why, after a breakup, you should go absolutely no contact with your ex (unless you have a child together.) You don't want to be with your ex but you are willing to give this a chance to ruin your new relationship? Something's not right here and I;m not sure you are being honest with us or even with yourself. If I was the new boyfriend, I would tell you AMF.

[Billlewis]

I love to spoil a beautiful woman who I have absolutely no chance of being intimate with, because she either has a boyfriend or is dating two or three different guys and won't give me the time of day;)

[Sithis]

Weak!
He is weak! You are strong!
Crush him!

[aronX]

You must give this gift back