Why did my ex treat me like this? Did he really even love me?

[Anonymous]

The reason me and my ex were still sleeping together is because he did NOT want to get back together after I broke up with him even though I know he deserved it I had basically second guessed myself. He was more offended that I broke up with him. I didn’t want to let go of what had been a short but great relationship so I allowed it to go on for a long time. Despite being broken up I actually thought he cared about me. He would get jealous if other guys even looked at me, he would take me around his family all the time and refer to me as “his girl”. In bed he would say things like he wanted to have a family and get married to me but I usually brushed it off as being just “sex talk.” He would share his feelings/secrets with me often about his life and when he needed support he called me. He also supported me during a tough time dealing with a death in my family. We said “I love you” a lot t each other. He enjoyed PDA with me and was even more affectionate to me in front of his friends. He was aware of the fact that he was still the only guy I was with. In our rare arguments he never called me out of my name or raised his voice and most of the time I apologized first and he would forgive me right away or he would take longer to apologize but when he did he would do so in a very emotional way and he often cry... I also cried at times and he would just hug me. He claimed to be going to his mother and brother for advice about me and would confide to me that they instructed him to be more of a gentleman towards me. He also told one of his friends/coworker in front of me that he was still in love with me and began to get watery eyes in front of that guy. However I felt hurt that I was continuing to give myself to somebody who chose to not want to be together and who could and WAS talking to other women since he was single. So I decide to end that situation altogether. However, since he DID eventually tearily beg to get back together why would he ghost me afterwards?

Updates

+1 y

I just didn’t understand him. I doubted him because I saw a lot of proof that h lied to me many times. I didn’t even bring most of my proof to his attention in order to not create conflict. Once I asked him if he slept with another girl and he said yes then later on he said he lied to hurt my feelings.. When I talked about my feelings he invalidated them sometimes. And once he accused me of trying to trap him and said mean things and when we first broke up he was VERY cold and hurt me badly

[Anonymous]

That isn’t love. That’s a guy who’s playing a game and trying to one up you because you damaged his ego by dumping him. Don’t ever entertain him again. Remember that you broke up with him for a reason. The best way to get back at him for hurting you is to move on with your life and be happy. You don’t need to stoop down to the level of emotionally manipulating someone and then ghosting them to get revenge. You’re above that kind of childish behaviour. It sounds like him hurting you didn’t even make him feel better, if anything it backfired and now he feels worse about himself. Originally, he tried to paint you as the villain and get back at you and now that he’s done it, he’s the one who’s turned into the villain and feels significantly worse than before he went through with his plan to manipulate you.

Don’t give him a second chance to hurt you again. Leave him behind. There are bigger and brighter things waiting for you.

[wheist9095]

He was working to win. He never wanted to get back together, he wanted to be the one to end it by getting you back on his side then ghosting you

[Asker]

I feel that he hurt me a lot more than I ever hurt him. And he lacked accountability for WHY I broke up with him. He deserved it. I just didn’t enforce it when I should have. Love will make people do stupid things. But afterwards he did a lot of hurtful stuff such as some of he things I listed in the update as well as more that I didn’t mention. Everytime he did it he would act like he was right but after a while he would act extremely guilty and would say things like I didn’t deserve to be treated that way or I was too good. One time he said “I’m a little bitch” out of nowhere and about himself. I told him not to talk about himself like that and he said he didn’t feel he deserved nice things. Also, other times he would call himself bad names. And then other times he seemed extremely confident and sure of himself. I don’t know whether he faked it or what. But he was very complicated and emotional person. He told me many things such as feeling depressed, strained, and told me that he was bipolar but I had never seen him take any medication or do anything to regulate himself if that were true. He also seemed nonchalant majority of the time and would have random moments of being emotional so I started to believe that he told me the truth about being bipolar but I’m not sure. But basically, I am saying that in his erratic behavior he definitely got back at me way more than I ever could have hurt him as well as seemed guilty doing it.