New girlfriend is rubbish?

[Anonymous]

My ex started dating his old crush whom he wanted before dating me. We were together for 2 years with my ex moving to my country with me and he also joined the same university as me in my country.
I loved my ex as he was very attractive and sexy. We had an amazing sex life too. However, as time progressed when he moved with me, we started having issues and I kicked him out.

He left my country and went back to where we were previously living (he wasn't as he had already moved to my country, that's how we started dating as we were friends and I helped him in familiarizing with my country) and somehow found the same girl he had a crush on, proceeding to rekindle or this time finally develop the crush into a relationship.

My ex came for dinner with a mutual male friend and there are lots of videos of it. However, all my ex did or talk about was his now girlfriend. He was also not participating much and kept video calling her and texting her. My mutual friend also said that she is very caring and motherly towards him which he loves. He sent me many pics of together where everyone said they look like husband and wife. Whereas our friends would joke about us saying we look like siblings. He also looks at her in a way which he has never looked at me. Our friend also said that he has changed and seems much more matured and humble now. They also do everything together, from signing petitions on social causes to lunch/research work. We did these things independently except we went out a lot.

How come he's so different with her?

[MCheetah]

Because he didn't love you. And it's implied from your story that you didn't treat him right or care enough for him, but think that that's somehow acceptable for you.

Also, from linking this from your previous question, it's also implied that you're a feminist, and if so, no self-respecting man on the planet would date you, or ANY feminist for that matter. You give evidence of being a feminist for asking why a guy would actually want a woman who loves him and treats him with affection. Almost as if implying all men should be happy just for you or any woman giving them ANY attention, to begin with.

You also never gave any reasons why you kicked him out and broke up with him, as if glossing over important details you don't want to admit because they'd make you look bad. Not once did you ever mention what he did wrong or why he was a bad partner. You just sort of "blah, blah, blah" over that, and I think it's because it'd make you look bad.

In short, it 100% sounds like you're the problem and are too self-absorbed to admit it, even from the biased we get from your story. Especially if you're a feminist and/or never have him the PROPER affection any man would want (even if you talk yourself into believing you did).

[OlderAndWiser]

Sometimes, the chemistry is just there and you don't know why. And sometimes the chemistry is just not there, and you don't know why it isn't. Attraction doesn't always follow rules of logic. Why are some guys only attracted to short girls? Why are some girls only attracted to tall guys? Why do some guys lust for redheads? Why do some girls go crazy for guys with long hair?

I remember being in a long term relationship. It was 2015-2017. When I was with her, initially. I thought she was cute, bright, fun, and I was in love with her. I eventually realized that she didn't love me and she never would love me in the way that I loved her, so I broke up and moved on. Now, I look back at her and she seems to be very unattractive and not so much fun.

[Asker]

Did you answer my question? You didn't

[OlderAndWiser]

I think I gave an answer that you just don't want to hear.

[Asker]

No you didn't. You talk about yourself

[OlderAndWiser]

I used my past relationship as an example of how attraction can develop in ways that don't make sense.

[Asker]

But he himself leave his old crush then Dates me so how attraction can develop. The attraction died?

[OlderAndWiser]

When I left my LTR, I was still attracted to her.

He as not dating his old crush before he met you, right? It was just a crush? So he left her thinking it would never happen, but still felt attracted to her.

[Asker]

No he has the opportunity but ruined things between them

[Asker]

He had already met me but wasn't attracted to me. He met her after a few months and was instantly attracted citing love at first sight

[OlderAndWiser]

Why are you worrying about a guy who isn't attracted to you? Would you really want to be with a partner who you know has no romantic interest in you?

[Asker]

He didn't have before but after falling out with her and moving to my country he did get attracted to me?

[OlderAndWiser]

If he wanted to be with you now, he would be with you. There are some things that you just need to accept and then move forward.

[Asker]

First you tell me if she's clingy or not? And like I said

[OlderAndWiser]

I don't have a clue about whether she is clingy, but he sounds rather enamored with her.

[Asker]

What about him with me? How is he enamored?

[OlderAndWiser]

Did he ever carry on about you the way he talks about the current girlfriend/old crush?

[Asker]

He sent pics of us, used pics of us on whatsapp and talked about our sex life but no not like her nor has he ever looked at me like he looked at her

[OlderAndWiser]

When somebody crushes for a long time, they can work up fantasy notions of what a person is like and they build the person up to be much more than they really are.

[Asker]

OK so? What does that mean?

[OlderAndWiser]

He is living in fantasy land!

[Asker]

No he isn't. He's actually with her and people keep saying she's very caring and motherly towards him

[Anonymous]

Ok, you asked for this... I mean OlderandWiser did his best to sugar coat his answer. So, anonymously, I shall not... Everything that you have done and expected from this ex-boyfriend of yours has driven him away from you. Face it, it has nothing to do with her... it is all about you and after you... anything would look like freaking heaven!

Case in point "we started having issues and I kicked him out." If that is not a hint in half why he would not want to have anything to do with you... what can I say but get a clue Nancy Drew, you kicked his ass out! The dude took the hint and moved on... damn impressive in my view of things. Too bad you don't posses the same strength and grace to do so yourself.

I am sure that now that he is a woman who he can actually have a stable relationship with... he is grateful to have her. Who can blame the dude, after having a girl like you kick him out. That is all there is to it and I'm sure he loves to rub it in whenever he can.

[Opinion Owner]

*he has a woman 🤣 we seriously need to be able to have a minute to be able to edit our opinions... I mean damn!

[Asker]

What nurturing. I was also caring. Like ask him about his day, make meals., go out with him in nature, call him do, use his photos as my phone wallpapers, do silly fun stuff and do lot of sexual things to him.

What else? This girl is super clingy and annoying. She treats him like he's a child. She even buys coffee and food for him or just takes whatever she's eating for him as well. That's just clingy.

[Asker]

Kicking him out doesn't mean literally. I asked him to move out

[Opinion Owner]

Yep, and that was all you wrote and now he is gone and with someone else. Words... have so much more of an impact than you apparently realize... Think on this... here in the States they actually warn you that... "Anything you SAY can and WILL BE used against YOU." You told him to leave and he left... that is all that counts. Besides, what are you complaining about? He did exactly what you asked him to do!

[Asker]

. Like ask him about his day, make meals., go out with him in nature, call him do, use his photos as my phone wallpapers, do silly fun stuff and do lot of sexual things to him.

[Opinion Owner]

But you still asked him to move! He move on and is now happier with someone else... Let him go and move on yourself to happier life without him. There was a reason that you asked him to move... things just were not right... try and remember what those things were and use them to help you get past him.

[Asker]

What I did was better than hers right?