My ex wanted to be friends. I told him I needed some more space/time & he became very cold & cut me off. Why is this?

[Anonymous]

Hi guys. I’m a very friendly person & I try to make an effort after breakups to be amicable & nice. I had a breakup with a guy, we didn’t talk for a while, then he invited me back to his friend group. I could tell he genuinely moved on bc he was talking about other girls etc., had only platonic feelings for me. I tried to be very friendly, really wanted to be helpful & join them, but i decided it was still a little too hard. It was just hard seeing him every week, I was still attracted to him, so I needed more time.

I removed myself from the situation, sent them a nice text saying it would be too hard, & he immediately became cold. In fact, he ghosted me over our last text. I was absolutely shocked. I haven’t seen him in months & it hurt me so bad. If you’re my real friend, wouldn’t you be respect my decision?

So what’s the deal? What the hell happened here? I saw him recently on the street & he was not super friendly. Guess he just wants me out of his life? It hurts me so bad. Why would something like this happen, I’m just trying to understand.

I’m hurt that I lost a potential friend too. Not sure if I can mend this in future

[DumBear]

You said you still needed space and he stepped back. He knows it still is too much for you and hurting you because you still care for him romantically. You told him that.
So now he's backed off.
He doesn't want you to want him im guessing.
I wouldn't hang around him either if he was talking about being with other girls in front of me.
Thats fucked up.
You sound like you kinda got your hopes up this would possibly lead to being friends and maybe more again?
If so i can understand why. But thats why this would be hurting so much again.
If this isn't the reason and you're just uncomfortable with it then why not just make a clean break?
You dont need to be friends with him if he is hurting you still.
I've become friends with exes again after the breakup and it was long enough after that there wasn't any residual feelings romantically.
I've also dated exes again, because we borh matured and missed each other.

Focus on yourself and less on this guy. He's clearly not thinking about you in the same way.

[Asker]

Oh! Thank you SO much! This was so helpful, this truly makes feel so much better. I really thought I had made a mistake by leaving... I thought I should've just sucked it up.

And you're absolutely right. I would hope we would be friends in future. How long did it take you for you guys to be cool? I think we only had 3 months separation before talking again.

[DumBear]

No you shouldn't ever have to just suck it up. Your feeling are valid. There are times we should be mature and times we should respect ourselves. Times for maturity would be if you two had kids or worked together. Etc. Not this.

For the scenario where i becane friends with said person... lets see. We broke up in 2012 summer. We kinda talked dated again the following summer in 2013.
We disnt speak really for 3 or so years after that so 2016 we became friends. There is still sexual tension sometimes and we have hooked up as friends. But we never really took each other super seriously when we dated. It was more about just dating vs our forever person.

Were very close friends now even when we date other people.

[Sam_The_Savage]

Darling you want space he giving you space.
Than why drama?

[Sam_The_Savage]

I think there is hidden message on his behaviour after you said you want space.

[Sam_The_Savage]

I think he still have feelings for you... approaching you for friendship it's a his move towards he want to give chance to your relationship. But you just bruised it off.

[Asker]

Thank you😊no, this makes sense. I actually tried hanging out with them for 2 months before I exited. I hope we can be friends in future. thanks, I hope you’re right

[Sam_The_Savage]

Good luck girl.
If you need help than pm me whenever you want.

Take care

[ddogsandfrogs]

Stop being friends with your ex. Unhealthy and reckless
Say no

[In_Trance]

An open line of communication equates to the possibility of future sex

[dudeinohio]

never be friends with an ex.