Is mental health and own toxic behavior a valid reason to break up?

[Anonymous]

I’m in a relationship with a great guy. He doesn’t want to end things, wants to help work through things with me ext.

I’m constantly doing shadow work, but I have major self worth issues, that tend to reflect unintentional toxic behaviors.

I love this guy so much. And he helps me immensely, guiding me in the right direction. But being in a relationship brings out my toxicity, and therefore makes my self worth and self hatred even worse.

[btbc92]

Asker, mental health and those toxic behaviors are always valid reasons to breakup a relationship. The problem is, if you KNEW you had this problems prior towards entering a relationship, that is relationship fraud. You never enter a relationship knowing you are struggling, the person is unaware of these issues, your past and upbringing, and worse if you have 0 intentions of telling them. The thing is there isn't anything work through. These problems are yours, and the only ones who can help you is God and Jesus themselves. And when needed, a professional separately from a relationship. You have to find out the source of these problems, because abuse is one of the tops reasons why by people. It is not your fault, you have to remember, that it is not your fault, which I had to learn by God's grace. You know you love this guy, and I can tell he also loves you. But love should also be allowed to let you go so you can get better and grow. That doesn't mean you two cannot try again in the future. But he is better off as a friend to you right now then a dating partner. That doesn't mean you have to give up on each other. But that the relationship is stressful for you and not a smart idea, especially, if you are being and getting abusive towards him which sounds like it. Abuse is never okay, and anybody who says it's fine, needs a wake up call. if you feel your becoming a danger to him and yourself, by all means, end it for both of your sakes. He won't listen because he desperately wants to keep you. But if he doesn't see or refuses to see what is happening, he is causing more harm for the both of you. Only you know how serious this is. He has to be willing to love you by letting you do what you have to do without interference. That is what love is, a sacrifice for what is good for the both of you.

[Anonymous]

Girl I literally just posted a similar question. I think it’s best if you take some time off of a relationship to really work on your issues, you seem like you want to break up bc you don’t wanna hurt your boyfriend with your toxic behavior so yes I think breaking up is definitely a solution. Maybe ya’ll can discuss it and come up with something else too tho I don't know

[TruthBringer]

As someone who has been in your boyfriend's shoes, I have the following to share:

If you know that your state of mind, and behavior that is the byproduct of it, is affecting him and your relationship, then I think it is a brave and selfless (note: selfLESS, not selfish) thing to distance yourself from the relationship. As a person who has dated someone with chronic depression, and had stuck around and helped, I can say out of experience that it is emotionally and mentally draining to constantly need to 'help' someone who is simply not emotionally nor mentally ready to be in a relationship. And much of this pain goes undetected at first, hence why he is so persistent in wanting to help. Because the helping exceeds the actual experience of being in a relationship.

Sure, a significant other should always be there and help. But there is a difference between being a significant other and a personal therapist.

I would say, give it a shot and see if you will improve with him being by your side. Let him know that the toxicity is unintentional and that it is part of the process of being an improved person. If it is going to be a long and painful road, then I think it is best for the both of you to go your separate ways. You deserve to work on yourself without the extra burden of having to tend to someone else's needs. And he deserves to be free of unnecessary pain.

[Spyre]

I'm going to throw out a contrary opinion here.

You don't need to be perfect to be in a relationship. If you realize that you have issues, your partner is supportive and understanding, and you're taking active steps to get help and resolve those issues, then I think it's perfectly okay to keep it going. I've realized in my own life that I'm much happier and more secure when I'm open to dating and interacting with women than when I shut myself off because I feel like I'm not good enough. Isolation and self-rejection can be more damaging than helpful, look at half the guys on here for proof.

There's also the opposite problem, where someone can have real and valid problems with a partner but be convinced that they're crazy and that it's their fault.

As long as you try to be self-aware, understand the difference between irrational and rational thoughts, and maintain effort to have a good mentality, I think you can feel free to enjoy whatever you want in life and share it with others. Worst comes to worst, you break up and move on.

[19magic]

Totally get this ever since I've allowed myself to feel ready for a proper relationship. I feel better already I know I still have issues but I tend to recongise that and stop myself before I hurt another's feelings. It's all about awareness and saying I am good enough I'm not that person anymore and I'll never will be. I've grown since then and it's impossible to be her again

[TruthBringer]

With all due respect, I have to disagree that one should be in a relationship and then fix themselves. Just because relationships aren't perfect, doesn't mean I should seek out 'broken' people (and I don't mean this in a condescending way), especially if I myself aren't 'broken'. There is a difference between self-sabotage (through isolation and self-rejection) and deciding to remain single just to focus on self-development.

I understand what you are saying. What you should keep in mind is that depending on the person, it is generally a better thing to develop yourself outside of a relationship. The danger of doing this while in a relatonship is that you will become somewhat dependent and revolve your development around your relationship. While the strongest happen to be the ones who have readied themselves properly for a relationship. They don't need to cling to another person in order to be happy. They are already whole before entering in one, not becoming a burden on their significant other because of the shortcomings they choose to deal with while being in a relationship. This often becomes toxic to the other person.

I speak from experience. I've dealt with past relationships where the girls had either a mental health issue or simply a personality disorder that they were directly or indirectly projecting onto me. And I was that "fixer" who tried to help, only to be sabotaging my own happiness and mental sanity in the process (a mistake I took responsibility from). It took me almost 2 years to fully recover from one of the relationships. I remained single for the duration because I didn't want to bother someone else with my problems. I decided to enter the dating scene when I recovered fully. Now I'm in a relationship with a 'whole' person, as a 'whole person, and I can say with confidence that it is so much more peaceful and energizing.

[ChrisMaster69]

Couple things.

Are you receiving counselling for your issues?

if not I really suggest it.

is your boyfriend aware that you have mental health issues?

if not then you need to sit down and talk about it, communication is really important.

Your counsellor should be able to provide a joint session once they have understood how you are feeling etc and how your mental health issues manifest themselves.

joint counselling is really good, it allows your partner to understand what you are going through, that’s it’s not just u but others and that they can help or at least be aware of it more.

[Shizunk]

You may want to get professional advice how to improve your issues. If it requires to not be in a relationship, then ok. But somehow I doubt that would be the advice you get.
If I were the boyfriend, I would want to know all about it, analyze what may be causing your behavior. I would ask if there is a way to help and probably wouldn't want to leave you if you are genuinely trying to improve, even if it's sometimes unpleasant.

[Adam1978]

No you need to work on your issues and if they come out in a relationship, you can't really solve them outside one. Be glad you have some that support you instead and go to therapy if you can't fix yourself on your own.

[btbc92]

Actually you can. Telling her to stay in a situation that is toxic to her can cause resentment to the boyfriend which is not good. I advise anyone to not get into ANY relationship with a person when they are like this. It is unhealthy and unfair to the more healthier person who desires a relationship. She needs to remain single right now and work them out. It is not his responsibility to take care of her. Unless they are married, they are only dating partners, and that is it. He can be her friend. But a lover is far too close and it can sadly bring these things out. Mental health is always a logical and valid reason to break up. It is not however something you should do when your legally married and with children. A seperation for a bit, maybe, divorce. No. It's unhealthy.

[Adam1978]

If she is the toxic one, how would she know if she actually got her shit together. Should she stay single forever. Because the behavior will come back when she enter a new relationship. She has done the important part and it's to admit she is the problem, going from there is not easy but at least she have opportunities to actually make sure she won't be the toxic person. Or get less and less toxic by the day. Avoid what causes it doesn't cure you. It just hide the fact that your still toxic under these circumstances. He is the one that decides if he got enough of her shitty behaviors and he can bail when that happens.

[btbc92]

Look. I am almost 30. I have grew up with a dysfunctional family, I have been abused both in and outside of the home. I am a bully victim, have been threatened to be killed by others, sexually harassed, dealt with some form of assault which was groping out in the public street, grew up with yelling almost everyday, drinking on and off, threats of divorce by my parents, threats of jail, had guys tell me I am not worthy because I refused to have sex outside of marriage, how I wouldn't be a good mother, how crazy I am, etc. I dealt with school bully fights, suspensions, and the whole 9 yards. Never smoked, drank, or partied either. Never dabbled with drugs or illegal substances. I know very what she is going through and it is why I encourage she does what she needs to get done without anybodies personal opinions, biases and feelings interfering what is the right thing to do. This is about her health, not anybody elses feelings. It is best she stays single until she is ready. She is not ready. The more she stays the worse it gets. The less she gets help then she runs the risk of being single forever if that is not what she wants. I have no prblems being alone as long as I don't hurt anyone or myself. Relationships must have a purpose. It is not all the time about feelings and emotions. It is very serious. Your over 40, and should know way better than this. This takes maturity and she has courage to say what is right. They are nt teenagers. They are grown adults and should handle this accordingly as adults. This is real life. Not a teen drama movie. I suggest you remember that.

[btbc92]

Only God and Jesus can cure you if that is what needs to be done for that person if they are called to relationships. You must understand not everybody can be in relationships, and as Jesus said. Some are given into marriage, others are not and there are those who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom. If she is not called to marriage, a relationship should not be her focus. Just because your an adult, not everybody have the maturity to handle it. I know I cannot do so, which is another reason why I never jumped in it. You need to remember not everybody can handle that. And it is completely unfair to the other person who deserves better. THAT is love. Love is not selfish. Love endores to the end, but that is fi you even have love to begin with. They do indeed have love. But her problems is bigger then him, it's bigger than her and it;'s even bigger then themselves. This is not a relationship problem. This is a HER problem. And whatever is going on in her internally, only again, God and Jesus can repair, restore and fix it. All counseling and professional help can do is offer some advice, therapy and guidance. It is up to the individual and it depends on the severity of the problem. It can take years or be life long. If it was that easy why can't we forgive our abusers? Those who cheated on us? Those who have drug addiction, porn addiction, etc? You make it sound so easy, but if it's that easy, then we are the ones at fault for forgetting these people who done these transgressions are human too. You done it, I done it, we all done it. We are all guilty of sin. Remember. There is nobody that is sinless, but Jesus.

[btbc92]

Why would you say only he can know and he can bail? Really? So you just prove why she shouldn't stay and contradicted yourself. Why should she risk heartbreak if he isn't ready to risk heartbreak? He obviously had knew what he was getting into when he met her. It is usually the ones who deeply love the person who is often guilty of knowing. I know. I've been on both sides of that. As the people-pleaser begging to not be abandoned by anyone I grew close to, parents, friends, whoever, as well as the one who is guarded, staying to myself, only speak when spoken to, not wanting to be a burden to others. Because it is damn if you do, damn if you don't. Who wants to continue living that rollercoaster ride? Let me tell you something. You may not always be happy alone, but better to be content, then to be put through unnecessary stress. I never dated or been with a guy. And the last thing I need is for a person to purposely hurt me while saying he loves me. Last I check, love doesn't hurt. People do.

[btbc92]

With many suicidal thoughts, many broken hearts, health problems, depression, no work to take care of myself, debt, no college degree etc years later, I thank GOD everyday, everyday he still keeps me. Life is too short. There is no guarantee in this world, and it is best you start learning that. It is better to be alone than to hide in a relationship. Relationships mask problems as well as reveals them. She must come to terms with herself, what life she desires to live. She has yet to learn and discover her identity and who she is as a person. That takes a lot of time. And he cannot help her with that. All he can do is accept her wherever she is in her process as we are all going through a process in this life. If he truly loves her, then no matter what happens, he will be by her side. He has to prove that by his actions. Words are words until it is proven.

[Adam1978]

Yeah just what she needs help from a toxic person. You should work on your own problems. Going around trying to recruit people into your own pit. Instead of encouraging her to actually solving the issue rather then run from them. If she can she her issues she can solve them. I can't help in more detail since she doesn't elaborate in what bad thought pattern she has. But those are the one she has to resolve and reflect on.

[btbc92]

I know because God is helping me through it. And I know what is best because God shows me what is best. I can sense you two have been through this many years ago and you have some form of guilt that you are showing through your opinions. Why would I want to recruit her into a pit of anything? She deserves to be happy and free not in bondage. I'm sorry if you cannot handle the truth or the wisdom given. What I have to say is not for you, but for her. Relationships solves nothing if she doesn't even know who she is as a person. Or else another will tell you who you are. You must be first a whole person before trying to join with another. I will not drag somebody else down. I rather die alone than to hurt somebody else. Whoever hurt you, forgive them, let go and let God. Stop always blaming people for something many of us never done to deserve such treatment. It is you who lacks love, compassion, empathy, understanding and forgiveness. You know nothing of a person's pain who lived differently from you.

[btbc92]

She can only solve this by being on her own. It is you who desires for her to suffer further and to be in bondage. She cannot solve this while in a relationship. That is stiffing and confusing for her. She needs to be alone where she can learn about herself, resolve her issues and come to terms with them. To finally have PEACE. When she can truly experience that peace and be healed, only then if she desires can she have that relationship again. If you as a man cannot handle that, then you are a weak man and you need to just own up and admit that instead of saying you love. A strong man doesn't react like that. It may not be his ideal but he respects the person he loves. If you have a problem letting people go, it says a lot about you. Not the so-called toxic person. Otherwise you have some form of toxicity in you also. You tend to attract who are similar to yourself. Which is another reason why I never bothered dating. I attracted the wrong toxic people also. It is you who is afraid of being alone. Relationships with the people I love are precious to me. But there are limits and boundaries. And I am not overstepping them just because others like yourselves have complete disregard for them. As I told you before, this is real life. Not a teen drama movie. And I meant what I said, grow up and stop trying to imitate what you see in film and understand that in real life, real people have real problems. And it is better to resolve them BEFORE you enter into dating than trying to fix it while dating and hurt others besides yourself. That is part of life. It is a shame at you age I have to tell you this and your older than me by age alone. You sound mentally too young to understand these adult matters. You may take relationships for a game, but I do not. I take relationships very seriously. I will not toy with others emotions.

[Adam1978]

Your religious view is your pit. Saying she can't do it because something that out of her control, ie a dead guy that might not even have existed. How in the hell would that help her? Or actually encourage her to fight her current nature and shape a new one. And leave religion out of it. Anyone going around saying that they can't fix themselves make that statement true. You can't fix yourself if you don't believe you can. Change is hard and it's easy to slip back to your old self.

[btbc92]

My religious view? Now I see where you are coming from. No. I have freedom in Christ Jesus, and I know who I am in God. You need to see and discover that for yourself. Jesus rose up and became born again. He transcended to heaven and became who ALL of us, you included needs to BECOME. Because time is running out. People are dying everyday. Covid, vaccine, or none. People are going with or without you. Nobody can fix themselves because we are only HUMAN. I know I cannot fix myself because I didn't MAKE myself. God made and make me. Only he know what is good for me or not. I only have the wisdom that I came into this world with while the rest I learned and or was revelated to me. You know nothing or spiritual things. I know what her struggles are, and if she follows that advice and wisdom as few others have, she will be fine and she will succeed and everything will fall into place by God's grace and blessing over their lives. She has to badly want it and God will show her what she needs to do. But she has to want to and be intentional about it. She wants to do it, but it's people like you who wants to see her fail and suffer. You know why? Because your failing somewhere.

[btbc92]

So no, you need to just stay quiet because you can't even fix your own problems or else your just as guilty. If you can fix your problems then every dating relationship you had you could have fixed it and you would have it if you don't today. So please stop acting like you know it all because you don't. Even I don't. But that doesn't mean wisdom isn't given to me. Whatever God has for me to hear, I will hear. For me to see, I will see, for me to speak, I will speak. You must have a DESIRE to know who he is, and who his son is. I am not talking about religion. I am talking about the people involved. God the father, Jesus the son. You have to want to know them for yourself. Because they do exist and they are on a different plane. But, that doesn't mean communication isn't open. Communication have always been available to you. How do you think people communicated with each other when they didn't have letters, cellphones, actual messengers, etc? By the spiritual connection to the FATHER. And then the Holy Ghost came upon those who believed. We have that connection. At least I know I do. Not everybody who is "religious" do, sadly. That is why there is but so few. Many are called, FEW are chosen. You cannot force people to stay, they have free will. As I had previously told you. Her mental health is always a valid reason. It is not an excuse. She doesn't need anybodies permission. She needs to do what needs to be done so she can improve, get better and if they desire to try again, and if it is God's will, they will come together again stronger than ever.

[btbc92]

God is in control. You may not want to hear it, but that is how it goes and what he says goes. What will be, will be. What it is written, shall it be done according to his will. Neither you or I can interfere in others relationships. Because if she is unction to leave, she will. Just like if I sense and feel in my gut and spirit that I have to do something, I will do what I am told to do, and never have I failed. Because I LISTENED. When you don't listen, is when you end up in trouble. When I am anxious God does give me peace of mind unless it warrants my concern. 99.9% through having intuition, I've always been right. I tend to make sure not to have my personal fears or anxiousness get in the way. Trust me, I've grown a lot since my youth. I wouldn't tell you this if I never grown and learned from my experiences both physically and spiritually. It is you who must pay attention to what is going on around you and stop assuming everything is within your bubble. When you experience others worlds you tend to learn lots of things. And this is coming from somebody who's been in and out of church most of her life. Last time I've been to a physical church was almost 4 years ago. God will allow you to be alone so he can deal with you, teach you and mold you. To temper you like tempering a sword, he will prepare you for the times ahead. And he is forever faithful.

[Adam1978]

Yeah right personal attacks pulled from your ass. Because I haven't said a think about my relationships because they have nothing to do with op problems. Neither has your religious views so keep them out. Religion doesn't solve any problems only cause divides and conflicts. It's a source of toxic behavior not a cure for it.

[btbc92]

Those are not personal attacks, but observations. Whoever said anything about religion? For you to Keep On Believing with that you want to believe. What you saying is not right. Because your behaviors is just proof of that right there you can't handle it.

[Adam1978]

Can't handle what? People I don't want to deal with you reject. Like the guy in question could reject her and not give her any chance to improve herself and leave her hanging. Trying to fix yourself with no support is much harder so going single will decrease her odds in actually pulling through. If she actually loves him it makes no sense.

[btbc92]

@Adam1978

Your wrong. When you truly have love for a person you don't treat them that way. What is the point of having a relationship if you're not going to love a person. Love is not about chances. It's not about trying to force somebody to improve. It's about love. Love is truly unconditional. But when we have a relationship does comes with his conditions. You cannot fix yourself. Maybe you don't want to see the truth in that. But you cannot fix yourself because unless you truly understand yourself and understand what you need, you're not going to know what you need because not everybody have the same kind of mentality or support. Being single is about understanding and discovering yourself. It will not decrease her odds. Love is truly about sacrifice. And sometimes in order for you to do what you got to do, you got to do what is hard. That's love. That's tough love on top of that. And I can tell you have not been shown that kind of love. You've been shown abandonment.

[btbc92]

You can't force anybody to stay or go. People have choices and free will. That's why you don't get into a relationship you cannot handle. Nobody should ever be at another person's Mercy like that. Its abuse. And anybody who treats you like that with no longical reason is being abusive. Why should love be at the expense of you being abused? She cannot just "fix" it in this relationship. She fears she will hurt him further than just herself. What you fail to understand is that we at this point don't expect much when we hurt ourselves we can handle the responsibility, but hurting another person. That is why crushes you. Others pain is your pain. And that is why she has to leave, because what he is doing is plain suicidal and its him playing matyr because he believes he can save her. He can't. You dont play matyr in relationships, its dangerous, toxic and unhealthy. It may appear to be love on the surface. But at its root, its mostly his fear of being abandoned. Both are not at fault, and both are innocent in all of this. You thibk she wants to leave? No. But she has to if she wants to get better. It's their relationship, and only they know what they need. Its hard, but her health as well as his is that important. Better to go in peace and not in pieces.

[Adam1978]

It's her releasing she is toxic and wanting to change, not anyone trying to force a change. You trying to put her in a worse situation and keep her in a toxic behavior. I guess misery seeks company.

[btbc92]

@Adam1978

Your condemning a person for something you know 0 about. I don't know what you're so pissed about but you need to fix it. She's not going to be in a worse situation. You don't want to see her get better. Whatever happened to you in the past you need to let go. And I'm not going to sit here and tolerate you speaking that way towards me as if I'm your girlfriend or something. Because was to talk that way to me I would have left you in a heartbeat. I will not be abused.

[btbc92]

It is actually do food miserable because misery speaks the words you speak. As if you don't have no hope. As if you don't have no dreams. And if you don't have no future of your own. That's the worst you speak. She wants to change that's why she wants to get out of it are you trying to force her to change by being in a relationship that she cannot handle. Do you not understand that kind of mentality you haven't going to buff it to her in a psych ward? No I guess you don't understand it because according to you you don't give a damn. Your selfish as hell. If you cannot handle these responsibilities you need to Simply stay single.

[Adam1978]

I am a person that rather let people have a chance, and try then assume they fail and ask them to bug out without trying. It's the guy that decide when he got enough. She can always bail at any time. She can always give up and remain toxic and be a person she doesn't want to be. Aslong has he isn't standing in her way why shouldn't she accept his support?

[btbc92]

I know what kind of language you speak. You speak the language of trauma. I too have trauma so I know what you're saying. It says you want to talk about how it is a person who needs to fix it. Then I tell you, you better fix your trauma, since you could do bad all by yourself. Well you're in the situation that she's in, you need a friend. But not a lover. Until she is able to get to that proper place when she can handle being a lover to somebody else and that is very different. She cannot afford to be a lover for somebody else right now. This is why you be careful who you grow attached to, who to get mostly invested in, let alone who you choose to have for a partner. It's not a game. You got, yourself. I don't see how in the world can you judge and you not the one getting help for yourself. You want to talk about Misery most company, that's actually you. Because it was somebody is making you so miserable so bad why would you want somebody who makes you miserable? Especially for a lot of human that's why I think God I never did it, your men are red flags that with that mentality. So backwards.

[btbc92]

You need to stop lying to yourself, you need to stop lying to other people, because you are not a person about chances you're about a person of opportunity. Stop cursing her to remain toxic. Stop assuming everybody's like you. People like you just like control. And to control other people because in your life you don't have no control of it.

[btbc92]

What you're talking about is not support. What that tells the other person is that it is you who is scared of being alone. That's all it tells. That's all the message you're sending. You're scared of being alone. And that you don't want the other person to go regardless of how so-called good or bad they are to you because again you just want somebody to hold onto. It is you that is begging for another person to stay. And you just simply need to come clean instead of making the other person like they're the enemy. Anybody would be scared of being alone. It's only Human Nature. But unless you are honest with yourself, you're just going to make other people want to run from you. That's the last thing you want to do. It's make people want to be away from you. What you do causes more harm than good. Sometimes God will allow you to be on your own until you learn the lessons that you need to learn. Being on my own in the things of God has taught me to better appreciate the things in people around me even though I always have love for people. But my problem, I didn't love myself. Because I did not know who I was and what my purpose is in this world. Everybody is a unique individual or we are all going through our trials and tribulations.

[Adam1978]

Lol I am alone all the time. That my normal state. But I am not lonely. So your just sitting there guessing and are really crappy at it. Trust me it can be hard to accept help and ask for it. You shouldn't throw it away if you need it. And that is exactly what toxic people need help but not until they seen the errors in their ways.

[btbc92]

Go tell yourself that all the time buddy. Its called an echo chamber. I don't have to guess. What's wrong with think I'm just going to pretend like what you say is true which I know it's not.

[btbc92]

You definitely need to get help.

[Adam1978]

Help with what? One thing is for sure you need more help then me. I pay others when my own skills isn't enough for what I need. If anything my life lack problems to solve. My tough times are behind me unless society collapse. Then I will still be off better then most.

[btbc92]

No you do need help. For you to say I need more help than you, yeah to get away from toxic insecure and unhealthy people like yourself. I'm only like this because I grew up around people, especially guys who acted just like YOU. You can't get your way you want to blame somebody else for what you already lack. No, you are just blind to your errors and want to talk about how others have errors? Take the spec out of your eye before you want to try to take the same spec out of others. You don't see how you hurt people and that is extremely said. And you say you being by yourself is a default? No, you just lack proper connections with people. And is not the right kind of person to give advice.

[btbc92]

Your attitude is flat out clear from the beginning of your OP, you care about no body but yourself and lack empathy. I can tell you make others, especially sensitive people run. Your not alone because you want to, your alone because others ran. Your trying to trap people to be involved with you and the moment they get freedom you condemn them once they leave, trying to curse them in the process, because your cursed with something. It's no wonder why you said about not bringing up so-called "Religion", because you grew up with what was taught and you lost belief, now you want to shame and hurt anybody else who may retain some happiness all because your not. I don't know have to guess. I know, feel it deeply and sense it. Your a real danger and think your okay when your not okay. Somebody with common sense would understand what needs to be done. And you refuse to see that what is best for others, You feel bitter. Stop trying to force people to stay with you. Forcing relationship will bring misery and disaster. Her relationship is not like what you want to. What is wrong being single forever? Nothing. What is wrong being in a relationship? Nothing. It is what you choose to do with your lifestyle choices that determines whether or not you made the right decisions.

[btbc92]

I can tell right now your not somebody who needs to be involved with a woman and is a controller. That is abusive. So there is a good reason why your by yourself, because other women are avoiding you. Rightfully so. I am glad God protected me from men with your mindset. Dangerous. People who are that controlling are not healthy, and you sir, reveal to me that your extremely unhealthy and problem not diagnosed with something. I highly do suggest you seek a psychotherapist. Your not the only person in the world a woman can try to have a healthy relationship with. You can't work on your own issues by being involved. As I said, I am near 30, never dated. I know way better than what mess your talking about. If any man speaks to me the way you do, he is immediately cut off. Let some other insecure chick deal with you. You must love "toxic people", for you to want them and then blame them to absolve your own twisted guilt. It's flat out twisted and psychotic.

[Adam1978]

I am not toxic, and I have plenty of empathy, but none for people like you that are so self centered that they can't see that it's you that are all these things. If you actually would have been a good person and would had a chance to get to know me you would find that I am nothing of that. Like I have repeated for the last time now, you are causing this reaction because you are the toxic person I am rejecting. A good person wouldn't get this reaction from me. I am done. Keep your poison and delusional echochamber to yourself. You are beyond all hope.

[btbc92]

Yeah right man. You think your that and no your not that. Because as a emphatic and highly sensitive person, I can tell who is and who isn't. I feel and sense that automatically. And your not. And yes you are toxic. For you to say all the things you say, your toxic. The only one who is all the things you call me is actually yourself. I am not self-centered, I give a damn about people, perhaps way more than I should. Let me say it like it is. I honestly do not care if you claim you reject me or not. YOUR not my focus. But it is you who need stop keep your toxicity to yourself. I don't need to get to know you to know what kind of person you are. First impressions says a LOT. I wouldn't want to. I don't call myself anything because the word of God says nobody is good. Not one. Not even you. Because if you were nothing like that, none of the things you say would ever come out of your mouth. And your unaware of it and you dismissing what needs to be said says you really do not care. I have 0 to prove to somebody like yourself.

[btbc92]

"No you need to work on your issues and if they come out in a relationship, you can't really solve them outside one. Be glad you have some that support you instead and go to therapy if you can't fix yourself on your own." <- This is EMPATHY? Please look up the meaning of the word. This is not even close to it. It is demeaning and insensitive. There is a fine line between tough love and being a jerk. Only a jerk would say something like this not knowing her issue or anybody. Empathy is empathy. If you have none for me, you have none at all. I can no longer stand being around angry, bitter men like yourself. No more. And never again. It is people like yourself who makes me very unhappy because your not happy yourself and blame others. So lie to yourself. Don't lie on me because you don't know me either. I did nothing to warrant your behavior and I will not tolerate being mistreated or be disrespected and dishonored the way you have done to me. I don't what your differences is regarding "Religion", but you need to learn to have some respect. It had nothing to do with you and you made it about you when this is about the Asker. So that tells me more than enough without me being licensed that you need serious help. Your very angry about something regarding what I said previously, and you need to fix that because harboring it and then attacking me verbally says a heck of a lot. Now I am done.

[Adam1978]

Not your focus? , I would say the 20+ mass replies tell another story. You haven't done anything other then attack me from the start. How isn't that toxic. I just don't agree with you one bit. It doesn't make me toxic, your inability to accept that people can reject your whole world view. Mean that your stuck in your echochamber and can't view it from the outside. You make it true by inventing facts out of thin air like religious people do.

[Adam1978]

Yes if I can't swim, I need water to learn how to swim, I don't go to the desert and become a master swimmer. So you need to face your problems where they appear not where they aren't.

[btbc92]

My 20+ replies should tell you that I am not afraid to communicate with you and get to the bottom of your mentality and way of thinking. You had a regressed mindset that is full of anger that is hidden underneath all of that frustration as if you have teen angst you never outgrown from and it's utter sad. I never attacked you from the beginning. In the beginning of what I replied, I had corrected and confronted on your negative and toxic outlook. You say, "you can't really solve them outside one". I said, that you could. You say for her to "Be glad you have some that support you instead and go to therapy if you can't fix yourself on your own." But say it doesn't make you toxic? No, it DOES make you toxic. It is not about agreement or not. it is about the FACTS. And the facts is what your saying is detrimental to people's lives and health. Mental health on top of that, and your speaking to a person many professionals would invite, endorse and even mentor for internship if I went for a Psychology degree. Somebody who could be licensed and understand the human condition in it's natural form, through observation. You told me all I needed to know in order to assess what kind of MINDSET you have, so you was not that hard to engaged in and I knew what kind of response and how to respond to you. Trust me, your like a hard boiled egg who had been cracked. Stubborn one also. It in not about my world view, it is about assessing the situation that isn't biased and doesn't have anything to do with you. It should be handled by a professional. You come with bias and false consensus bias on top of that, and is using your personal feelings in the middle of a rational conversation. The moment you did that, you already destroyed your entire argument.

[btbc92]

I didn't even needed to "poke" holes in areas that was already flawed from the beginning. I didn't need to argue with you. I TOLD you want needed to be done, and it wasn't up for debate it needed to be done if he relationship with this man was going to survive. I didn't ask of your permission, opinion or thought process on the manner. I had to correct you where you were wrong, and whether you argued with me about it or not, what I had to say on the matter was final. I was not going to continue to argue with you like a child. You have 0 idea what those problems are, which is why I told you my story and where I came from. Even then you disregarded that, so you can stop with the sank and swim analogy, it will not work on me. I know very well about facing problems head on. However, as I said before, and will not repeat again since your hard of hearing. Her ISSUES is not a relationship issue, it is a HER ISSUE. And when you have a "ME" issue, only YOU can do this on your on in the wilderness and many before us had to. God will continue to preserve that person, but that individual needs to grow, learn and mature. But oh no. YOU don't want to hear about God, Jesus or anything else. You want to hear what you want to hear instead of what you NEED to hear. At this point in time. As I will say, again for the last and final time. I don't CARE what your belief system or faith or personal thoughts are. The point is and is AGIAN. She needs to be on her own and learn to grow and understand herSELF, BEFORE she can once again enter into a stable and healthy relationship.

[btbc92]

She is neither qualified nor fit to handle a relationship at this magnitude. And until she is at a satisfiable level of stability, she will be at risk of having these same toxic patterns in every relationship she gets, which in turn causes BAGGAGE, and discouragement and t can make her have a skewed view of relationships besides men as a WHOLE. See your not a woman. You have no idea the kind of emotional hell we have to go through. My personal issues and problems aside. I am speaking from a mature and professional manner. And what I say to her, you or anyone else, I say for my family, parents, siblings, loved ones as well who have gone through it. Wisdom is wisdom, young man. You maybe older in age, your basically a child still mentally and still haven't learned some lessons yet. I say this out of respect, you cannot always have it your way. That is not how it works in life. If you haven't learned this now, you will at some point the way, or continue to kick rocks. Life is too short to be arguing and fighting.

[Adam1978]

Yeah killing something to make it survive. Yeah I don't deal with a lot of Phoenix birds in my life. But if you leave a relationship it's over, so you don't save it. Assuming he stay around after a rejection is wishful thinking. This topic isn't about me, I have no desire for you to understand me, I have never claimed to be hard to understand. I am stubborn because you haven't said something that would make any sense so my opinion is unchanged. You should know that everyone values their own opinions more then others. If you can't come with a good argument you have to agree to disagree.

[TruthBringer]

@Adam1978 Adam stop wasting your time on this psuedo intellect. She is quite notorious for being toxic and lecture other people about life and relationships while she herself lacks experience in the field. As you can see, she clearly got deep rooted issues to solve considering she leaves such long replies. I remember that she one time tried to shame me for leaving a toxic relationship invested in racism, lies, deception and got mad that I managed to find peace in a new love. It's just as you said, she wants to drag others into her misery aswel and hates to see other people succeed in life without sharing her Godawfully twisted world views. Arguing with her will eventually lead to a block from her end because you refuse to give into her narcissistic mentality. It's best to just block her and be done with it.

[btbc92]

The relationship was already doomed the moment she decided to become exclusive. She knew she had problems, and should have never jumped in it. If she is being shown this the hard way, she has to no choice. Not be getting in it thinking she can avoid it. It doesn't work like that in intimate relationships, especially in a marriage.

"But if you leave a relationship it's over, so you don't save it." AH, the real toxicity finally shows up. So you figure you can threaten a person to stay because your that insecure and controlling. I don't see how anybody can have a healthy relationship with a selfish person. I don't treat others that way. People are with free will. A relationship is not over just because you have to leave from it. It just means you cannot continue until issues are resolved. It is a choice between the couple. And you cannot repair something that is beyond your control. It is unhealthy. Unlike a marriage, dating is dating. It is not the same as being married where you have an obligation to stay unless your dealing with adultery. Dating is just dating. It is not and wasn't meant to be so serious to the point you doing everything outside of marriage that belongs in a marriage to begin with. You can't save something that may not shouldn't have been.

[btbc92]

" Assuming he stay around after a rejection is wishful thinking." Honestly, do get your head checked. You are revealing more serious issues that I personally want to cry. I don't know who hurt you so bad for you to assume that. You need to stop generalizing everybody. She never indicated that he is the type to turn his back on her. What she expressed is that he deeply loves her and would wait. He just cannot stand being away from her, and that is natural. When you truly love a person you don't to be away from them. She never said she wanted to leave him. But that she cannot be in this relationship. I honestly do not understand why you would be so cold and heartless to trust? Like I said, if you cannot trust a person, do not get involved, don't date. I never dated because I know I CANNOT handle that, so why would I want that done? You think I could trust you in a relationship? No. You alrecy expressed the reason why your argument again is flawed. It IS about you, because you are expressing YOU. Nobody else. There are men who does love and will wait. There are women like me who does love and will wait. If a man told me he cannot be in a relationship, I probably wouldn't be able to handle that as a child. Now as an adult having to be single all my life can understand how to let go. Letting go is hard, but you have to do what you have to for the sake of the other person. Love is making sure the other is happy. It is not all about you, it is about the other person.

[Adam1978]

Again I disagree. My opinion hasn't changed.

[btbc92]

You know why you don't see any "Phoenix" around according to you? Because like you said before, CHANCE. And you don't give the right kind of people a chance to begin with if you cliam that is what you want. I know to stay out of relationships on those level beyond friendships because many are sadly like you or simply worse. I know to avoid the worser ones. The ones that are the most dangerous are people like yourself who say your this and that as if you share the same standards, morals, beliefs and desires and the more I get to see YOU, the more I need to pull back, because your like an energy vampire. I know, can see and truly believe he will wait and they are going to be together as she is in the process even if not yet, but will be. As a friend, that is what she needs right now. A friend. And a lover is supposed to be your best friend. She has to relearn this all over again, but right now she has to handle her. Once she is set, they will be okay. If this was a different situation, trust me, I would have just said to end it right off the bat. But nether am I going to taint a fairly good relationship. You cannot judge everybody the same.

[btbc92]

You can disagree all you want because you want it YOUR WAY. You cannot always have it your way. You cannot control another person's life, and you need to stop doing that and stop closing people off because your that upset. So no, you really don't need to be in a relationship.

[Adam1978]

You right I shouldn't have given you a chance and should have ignored you. My mistake.

[btbc92]

I never asked you for a chance. I am telling you when dealing with others. And you treat others like crap, your already doing it to me. So I'm just going to ignore your immature responses. You need to grow up.

[Adam1978]

Nope I am both an adult while enjoying my inner child when I got the luxery of time to do so. I have no intention of being a stuck up person who feels life should be complete boredom and misery.

[Adam1978]

Well enjoy hating yourself. I prefer keeping my mind open so I can be a good uncle and deal with everything from small kids to adults. If I couldn't return to how I saw the world as a kid I would be crappy at that. Sure the world is different today then when I grew up but kids mindsets aren't. They still wants and seeks the same things, it's human nature. You are just pissed because I don't give you what you seek. Just like the inmature kids you become a whiny mess. And as an adult I will not encourage that behavior in kids or you.

[TruthBringer]

^^ triggered 😂😂

[btbc92]

To the other user. You have been blocked before for over a year. I do not understand your problem that you've been blocked and your harassment, stalking and you defaming my character on here is borderline illegal. This is the 3rd time I catch you interfering in comments that do not concern you every time I am speaking to somebody else. The next time you try these antics you will be reported again as you was warned before previously for your past actions. I will not be lenient the next time. You have been blocked and again have been warned. Stop stalking and harassing me.

[TruthBringer]

Oh I'm supposed to be scared? Going to call your moderators to freeze or remove my account? Look at how you're talking to people here. You're the one who is attacking others and harassing them. Explains pretty much why you had your account frozen in the past yourself (also lost your influencer status before you regained it). I'm simply warning them not to argue with you because it's obvious that you're being toxic and harrassing yourself. It simply annoys you that I tell others to quit giving you attention. But by all means, do your little thing

[Adam1978]

It not like I needed the info, I have encountered you before and how does it come you block him and not me? I must have pissed you off more then his post here.

[TruthBringer]

And it's not like I'm actively seeking you out. I simply happen to stumble upon a user who is locking horns with you. And it is my choice to tell them to just quit talking with you. And quite funny how you talk about "defaming character" while you yourself have done this in the past (aswel as here yourself). I also recall you teaming up with someone else just to defame me. So if you're going to pretend you're an angel, at least act like one instead of reporting others while you are the one provoking fights. Here is a basic life lesson:
Accept the fact that not everyone is going to agree with you. No point in harrassing and spamming them with derogatory messages. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Deal with it.

The only reason why I'm typing this is for the moderators who are going to review this to know there is not only YOUR side of the story and that your actions have led you to making "enemies" on this website. So if they choose to take actions against me, it will only reflect badly on them if they don't do the same for you.

[TruthBringer]

The only reason why you have enemies is because your hostility towards people. You have yourself to thank for it. Don't fabricate lies once again by making me look like I'm following you on this website and that I'm somehow jealous. There is honestly nothing to be jealous about. if me warning others about you (whenever I see them arguing with you) means I'm breaking rules, then I take accountability for that. The only thing I had was my account being frozen and so did you. So I suggest you learn from your own mistakes before pointing fingers at others.

And no one here is obsessed with you, get over yourself, miss. Also, I don't want to run you off the website and I don't expect to ever do that. I also don't use any app, I'm on PC. But good to know you're fabricating false information.

[btbc92]

I am commenting on your comment feed, so me blocking you because of whatever pettiness is there is not of my concern and it would be rude of me anyway since it was me who chose to comment. Had it been the other way around and it escalated into abuse then that is different. I said my peace and I am not hear to argue. My issue is HIM. Because the last time I had spoken to him about his negative views about people who struggle with mental health, he was cursing at me, bullying me, threatening me, and took enjoyment out of it. I literally almost had a breakdown because of him and I had blocked and reported him. I never stopped. He continued to harass me on other users questions also and even had other users to try to vex me. That insecure. You think I'm bad, you think I am toxic, you better wake up. That is all I am going to say. I had a stalker on here worse who I know is doing illegal things. Don't talk about me being toxic. Thank God I can handle somebody like you. You may call me whiny, but what you do not understand what you say had I been somebody could have got me killed and be on the news over some crazy stalker trying to kill me. That is how much you do not realize the things your saying are dangerous and can get somebody innocent killed. I suggest you please watch what your saying to people. Because you don't know their lives for you to say those things.

[TruthBringer]

Oh miss, the only reason why you were getting cursed at because you were being hostile towards me first as well as fabricating false events and narratives about my personal situation. I have no issue with people with mental health issues, on the contrary. And funny thing is, you actually preach the same message as I did. But thanks for validation my words even more. Adam1978 here has been a witness to your derogatory comments. And yet you're sitting here complaining about others being mean to you, while you're the one provoking it. And the fact you call me a potential killer explains it all hahah I'm done.

[TruthBringer]

"That user is doing more than trolling, its dangerous."
- What is dangerous about what I'm doing?

"I am not having my life threatened all because some ex messed up his head because she wanted to leave him. "
- No one is threatening you, nobody did, and neither does anyone care. I simply tell people not to argue with you whenever I see them suffer from YOUR harrassment. When it comes to my ex, she didn't mess up anything in my head, hence why I have no harsh feelings towards her and actually managed to find new love (the Christian girl you mentioned). Hence why I actually managed to come out as stronger and am enjoying my love-life again with someone more compatible. Once again spreading false information about people.

"He got exposed"
- The only person you have exposed is yourself to have issues you clearly need to resolve.

"He doesn't like Christians"
- Not sure where you got that from. One of the best people in my life happen to be Christian and I am dating one who happens to be Christian. Seems like you're mad that I'm dating a girl who happens to be Christian while I myself am not one.

"I don't who this user is, but I am at the point if I have to contact people who is also in the field to find out, it's going to be a serious problem."

- Hate to break it to you, but nobody is going to give your "connections" any contact details and neither will there be any investigation. Go ahead and contact people to attempt to find out who I am, but I can tell you with utmost confidence that you're going to be disappointed by the results. Me being on this website is on my own free-will and I do not represent the Force I work for whenever I'm here. The hypocrisy of you talking about danger while you're the one who is trying to escalate things to real life and trying to find out people's real identity. In what way isn't THAT stalking and dangerous? Which in itself is illegal on this website. Let's see what the mods are going to say about this.

[Paul09]

You are lucky you have someone by your side through tough times. I have no one, work does bring stress out, toxicity too. I go home have no one to talk too about it. I'd be encouraged to be in a better mood. And I'd change as much as I can with extra motivation. For me doing it all alone is so hard.

[SunnySensei]

Miss, if you feel that you are not in the right state of mind to maintain the relationship then you should just take a break and work on the problems by going to a councellor and if that works out you can start your life again.

[Toldol2]

Sometimes it is better to only focus on yourself. But if he is a good support don’t let him go unless he is demanding or judgmental

[qwert1234]

Yes. If one party cannot/does not want to deal with it, then why stay? If both people are willing to endure/work on it - then stay.

[Fromdusktilldawn]

This reminds me of what I've been told: "No one rejects you right now... except your self"

[KrakenAttackin]

Absolutely.

[Pterodon]

Yes.