Is it better to apologize in person or in a letter?

Question

We had been seeing each other on and off for 6 years, many things were said and done and in the end things became really toxic on my part it was so bad that he told me he didn’t want anything to do with me before he blocked me everywhere so I could not contact him it has now been 7 months since we last saw each other and while I know things are over and he is never coming back

I do however want to apologise to him for my toxic behaviour and the hurt I caused but I don’t know if it is better to call him on a private number and ask if we could meet so I can apologise to him in person or if I should write him an apology letter and post it to him in the mail or is it just better to let it be

caring__1 · Accepted Answer

In-person apologies are always best, but they don't necessarily work better. No matter how much we rehearse what we're going to say, something is always missed or misspoken. We're more likely to stumble over ourselves and get defensive, in person. Therefore, write a letter. Reread the letter over multiple days before sending. You'll probably end up editing it each time you read it. Wait till you can read it twice without editing it before mailing it. This way, you're more likely to be clear and cover everything you want to cover. When you read it, read it as if you are him, seeing it from his perspective. Don't give any excuses or place blame. Just acknowledge what you did and what made that inappropriate. Let him know your apology won't undo what you have done, but you have learned from the experience and are sorry he had to be the recipient of your words and actions. Wish him happiness in his future and don't sit around waiting for a response. Your goal is to apologize for your behavior, not get a pat on the back for apologizing. I hope this process helps you learn from the experience and move on with your life.

USMC-Crossroads · Accepted Answer

Better for whom?
For the 'Apologer,' it will fell less awkward and embarrassing to avoid face-to-face interaction. Of course, that makes the female version look rather childish, and it would mean that the male kind a punk-bitch. and, it should be noted, that while it seems like the better method, not dealing with in person, is always a bad track to follow for the future.
For the 'Apologee,' it may be reversed. In that, listening to him/her in the flesh will enable you to accurately assess their sincerity. But, when it is written out beforehand, it will most likely be a much more thorough explanation.

As for me, I always prefer to confront things/people head-on, (whichever side of the "I'm sorry" I happen to be on). As an extraordinarily honest person (to a fault), I cannot easily or affectively tell when someone is BS-ing me; So I'd prefer them right in front of me, as to better aid me; via vocal-emotion, body language, etc.

lilyanony1 · Accepted Answer

You may be feeling guilty but I really think its best to accept that you messed up.
Relationships are messy and they don't always work out.
But what I think you could do is let it go.

If one day you see him and you two are in better places, mentally emotionally, he may actually be able to accept talking to you briefly. At that point you could apologise, but don't use it as an opportunity to rekindle things.

We have a tendency to fall into similar patterns with people we previously dated. You may not make the same mistakes again. But why take the risk?

Good luck.

gabriela13 · Accepted Answer

I've been taught if given the chance you apologize in person. I was taught that a letter only is good for the person that needs to apologize as a way to get it off their chest or feel better about it.

NewgodX · Answer

Do you care about honest answer? Let it go forget him  Forgive yourself  Learn some lessons  Don't repeat your bad actions intentionally  Focus on yourself  Thats all

Gwenhwyfar · Answer

Depends what exactly you’re apologizing for but probably better in person

IncognitoBandito · Answer

In a letter can help if you want the person to understand what happened since you can organize your thoughts

Grubhub · Answer

Depends if it’s a 👮‍♀️ or a criminal I would do it far away but if it’s an actual good person I’d do it in person. Racist people are just as dangerous as cops and criminals. They are actually in the criminal category

Wise4myage · Answer

Face to face is best.

Iron_Man · Answer

Face-to-face is better

Fireguy17 · Answer

In person always.

In_Trance · Answer

In person

Is it better to apologize in person or in a letter?

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