When do you decide that you want to break up with your S. O? What kind of checklist do they have to fill or is it on how you feel?

Question

Smoke-n-Growls · Accepted Answer

My first break up, I left him because he cheated on me. He didn't tell me all the details, but he left enough evidence for me to figure it out - and the side bitch confessed everything three months later, without my ex's knowledge.

It was a quick "okay, you cheated. We're done. I'm not doing this. Take your pillow, the spare sheets, sleep in the office."

I moved out two weeks later and went no contact.

The most recent break up, it was more of a slow build but with an explosive fucking ending.

He had a habit of being a failure to launch. Mother paid his phone bills, managed his bank accounts, etc. I figured, ok, give him time to get separated - maybe mom is controlling. Nope. Never did.

He also had a bad habit of saying he wanted to do things, over and over, but never actually doing it. Despite being unemployed and with all the free time, he never put in significant effort into anything. Not cleaning his house, not studying for professional certs, not even hobbies. He slept in, stayed in bed, played gatcha mobile games, and watched porn. That was it.

This was LDR if you're wondering - he got away with it for years because we had distance. I'd go down to visit him (half I paid, half his mother paid).

Three years of this, he says he's making good on his promise pre-COVID to move to Canada. I ask if he had his immigration all set, he said yes (a lie he kept up for months). We got to the border after I secured us a new place, moved myself in alone, and flew down on his mom's dollar to help him get packed.

Turns out he had let one application for immigration lapse and had done ZERO else. He just assumed driving over the border with all his shit and no paperwork, no job, no visas, no nothing, would work.

I went home, alone, took two weeks to think about things and talk to my therapist, and realized this was the tip of the incompetent iceberg.

I left him. Previously, we had talked three times over the three year relationship about his bad habit of saying he'll do things and just straight up not doing them. He'd been on 3/3 when he proposed.

This brought him to 5/3. Plus is absolutely immature, childish behaviour at the border was another big "this is just a child in a man's body" moment.

I don't know. LDR is a no go for me, now. If I can't verify someone's competence with my own eyes in person, I can't trust that they can be competent. At least not now.

But also, I'm just done with LDR. I am not bothering with trying to immigrate someone again.

Desconhecida · Accepted Answer

I don't think this decision is made by some checklist of dealbreakers but by the way we feel around them. If the relationship is not bringing happiness anymore and there are toxic behaviors or grudges - these are some of the most common decision makers.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

If the relationship is one sided and it feels like you are the only one giving without receiving , when you express your feelings of concern and nothing changes it’s time to move on , Never settle for someone that can’t value you like you value them , When intimacy and affection dies so does the relationship , when they can’t sacrifice for you like they expect you to sacrifice for them it’s time to walk away and find someone that values you the same , Life is too short to be someone’s constant punching bag , You can still love someone even though you walked away from them , Value yourself worth and realize you deserve the same that you give

exitseven · Accepted Answer

Wehad not seen each other in 6 months. I flew out to see her and she showed up at the airport wearing a filthy hooded sweatshirt. her hair was in some weird perm and it was just combed over to one side. She told me that she almost forgot to go to the airport to pick me up. All of a sudden I did not think of her the same way. I would be thinking of nothing else for days when she came out to see me and yet she almost forgot all about me. I just could not get that out of my mind and in a few months I broke up with her over the phone. I don't think she was even that broken up about it.

RealMarek · Answer

That depends on the nature of the relationship. If it is a girlfriend you’ve dated for a few weeks, it can be as simple as perceived incompatibility or something that is seriously annoying. If it is a spouse of ten or twenty years, the consequences of the breakup can be devastating and the cause needs to be much more serious.

avony12 · Answer

I decided when being ‘on’ and ‘off’ was draining and every single time my ex seen something wrong they’d leave. I decided my worth and left soon as I realized my ex was ok with me not being in his life.

boggboss · Answer

I'm no longer happy and any attempt to fix the issue is either ignored shut down or nothing changes

EaterPeter · Answer

As soon you get tired of shit she is pulling on you.

NathanDavis · Answer

I do not see partners like I see a utility car... that is not the way

Espresso-Grande · Answer

I'm willing to fight for someone i love, but if I'm the only one fighting to make it work and get through the difficult times, then that would be enough for me to end it.

H8INCHES · Answer

My goal is that it be mutual.

When do you decide that you want to break up with your S. O? What kind of checklist do they have to fill or is it on how you feel?

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