Why would he drive by my house?

[Confuzzled1]

Ex and I broke up after 4.5 yr relationship. No contact on day 9 , he lives over other side of town. He drove past and slowed down and beeped and waved and smiled. He took a long hard look in my yard too. I was sitting on porch. I don’t understand this. Why would he do this if he was the one that refused to work at it with me? He also has opened up a lot of his Facebook profile posts too- where as before he didn’t.

Updates

+1 y

An update ** conversation went as follows :

He: keeps referencing to time helping sorting everything out and using smiley faces.
Me: I responded with a non commitment type of text reminding him to get some sleep (in a light manner). The break up: is surrounding family dynamics and issues and boundaries , how it effects mental health and ability to focus on goals and aspirations and as couple. I trying hard to get my stuff sorted and he is very driven, he says I have potential.. still confusing

[SueShe]

That is the typical reaction of a person that does regret what he did and that has some remorse.

By checking upon you, he ensures that you have no new boyfriend or relation and he is also checking your reaction.

If you wave back, this could be interpreted as if you "forgave" him and that he may have another attempt with you. If, on the other hand, you don't react, he is aware that you are still upset or don't want to be associated any longer with him.

If you gave him a friendly sign, you can assume that he will pass by your block in the near future and stop. He will state that he was "in the area for errands" and just took a little detour to pass by your place.

[Confuzzled1]

Normally I have been at work at this time but I have taken sometimes off as I was not coping very well and basically just have t posted feelings or normal stuff people post when sad. There isn’t much he would have been able to see on fb. A new profile pic but that’s it and a check in. I did wave back. He has this smirk of ohh sh*t I’m busted. Last text I left was lease ending on such n such date and some minor details , I wonder how often he has actually been driving past now. The next move in this part … do I reach out?

[SueShe]

Whether you reach out or not depends on how you ended the relation. There are a number of factors to consider. Did he end the relation or did you? Was it a friendly separation? Was it a toxic relation?

The fact that you ask whether you should reach out leads me to believe that you are not over this relation yet.

[Confuzzled1]

4.5 years and a blended family hell no I’m not over it. I’m gutted. Bit busted bout it actually. Relationship ended due to his inability to continue to commit to walking with me on some of my issues. Unfortunately we both wired the same and both very clued on to each other most of the time but in a break up we are two very different people.

[SueShe]

My opinion is that you should not reach out because after an initial "honeymoon" period, you will get back to your old routine and nothing will ever change.

[Redhead999]

he's looking for a place to park his car I guess and thinks your garage is good enough

[Alex8736]

To make a long story short he is insecure and is looking for a reaction from you but if you make no contact along with a social media post saying "don't chase just replace" then temporarily disabling it you will see how fast he tries calling and texting and the more you ignore it their true colors will come out and remember to save all messages in case any may come off as intimidating or threatening

[Confuzzled1]

Thank you for your input, I am not looking to replace , I do not want to provoke him. I’m trying to understand the process behind this. We are near 40 to old to be playing tit for tat.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Sounds like in those 9 days, he's realised he might of been wrong.

[Confuzzled1]

I reached out and was quite friendly, he says he had mail at his house for me. But decided when he seen me home that he wouldn’t stop. I asked to pick it up as I was going out anyway to buy dinner (haven’t been eating real well) , he said he leave it in his mail box , I stopped there , no mail so knocked on door , he opened it and then looked at me and I just said I just checked mail box it wasn’t in there sorry. He closed and locked door, fumbled in kitchen a bit and I walked back to car , sat on it and just took deep breaths as it’s hard for me- there is a lot of emotion. He said tomorrow (for mail) and conversation went to him asking bout late dinner - told him short and sweetly - yeah haven’t really been eating (I do this under stress) , he : you prob shouldn’t be texting driving , I replied : yeah I know but I’m in rooster drive through, made light of it saying these guys taking forever still plucking chook, he apologised saying he wasn’t expecting me to turn up. I replied lastly : it is what it is I guess. Didn’t meant to rattle you.

He so far hasn’t texted back. Pretty bland convo because we would just talk about issues all the time if went to deep. I’m not reaching out again. That hurt and I don’t understand it still- his idea to break up.

[TommyMountainFigure]

I'm really sorry you're suffering like this but he is right about one thing, you really ought to try eating something. What about a chicken salad? It's not heavy going but the protein in the chicken will help keep your strength up.

[Confuzzled1]

Yeah I have kept down some chicken stuff but not much. 10 kilos is a lot to lose in 9 days I’m concerned about me too. Been to doc they just trying to feed me pills. No contact at moment is best I think. He has done the reaching out , I’ve kinda responded. I just keep sorting my stuff out and hold head high. What will be will be- if contact happens again I worry bout it when it does. He did make mention when I asked how he was doing was that he was a bit mehh , but trying to keep busy to keep out of his own head. Of course I sympathised with him and said I’m sorry your feeling crappy right now , it will get better I promise. He responded with it’s a lesson to learn! It takes time. He is hurting - seems a bit unsteady about his decision I think.

[TommyMountainFigure]

What worries me isn't your break up, (Yes I know that sounds cold but I can help get you through that if you need me to ) the 22 lbs in 9 days though is dangerous.. Proper dangerous.
Tell me what foods you like and I'll help fix you up with a balanced diet sheet that covers all the necessary nutrients you need..

[TommyMountainFigure]

<<< definitely not one for pills when you have plenty of foods to choose from

[Confuzzled1]

Yes I declined them. They are trying to stimulate my appetite. Appreciate their help but the hunger is there but it hurts to eat - maybe ulcer lol 😆

[Anonymous]

That's stalking in my opinion.

[Confuzzled1]

Not really his style he’s bit different to most this one.

[Opinion Owner]

Ok, but it seems odd to me.