I really loved him more than I loved myself at one point-which I eventually realized was my biggest mistake. He was a sad person deep down. I remember seeing him cry a few times, drinking to cover his pain, taking drugs. My mother always raised me not to let a man treat me badly and I wanted to leave so that I wouldn’t be making a mistake because he was hurting me with lies and other things. We even broke up. But I couldn’t get him out of my head for a second. I was always worried about him. Honestly I was conflicted. I was so ashamed of myself that I put up with half the stuff I did for him, but other half of me wondered how I was ALWAYS happy around him even after everything he did. I still loved him the same as when I first met him and couldn’t wait to see his smile or hear his voice and I wanted to be strong enough to leave but I couldn’t. The worst thing he ever did was ghost me-and a year later I found out that he had gotten with another girl when he did ghost me. My heart broke into a million pieces that day. I tried to force myself to move on but I couldn’t. For 3 years I tried to forget and heal but I cried every night over him. I also couldn’t forgive myself for being too weak to stop loving him. I am a beautiful girl and have men trying to take me on dates but I remained celibate for all these years because I never forgot how bad it hurt to be in love Last year he messaged me and tried to reconcile. I didn’t accept his offer but I told him I forgave him. Then I ghosted and never spoke to him again. But I didn’t forget him. I learned a short while later that he had gotten with his ex. She was a real problem with us back then. I never spoke with her or anything it was just a lot of lies surrounding her involvement it’s his life. They look happy, and he looks like he really changed his ways. And the only thing that changed about me was that I became cold hearted
I kind of regret not giving my ex a second chance. What should I do?
