Girlfriend of 2 years doesn’t want a relationship anymore & I don’t know how to feel?

[Anonymous]

2 years went down the drain like that and it doesn’t make sense to me. 2 nights ago, we got into a mini argument about how I come off as too depressive & how she doesn’t want to be triggered back into a bad moment in her life. She suggested that I should be with someone who’s more like me. I managed to clear the air about everything because she got the wrong idea about me.

Yesterday morning, We apologized to each other and told each other “I love you.” We were talking & laughing like everything is completely normal afterwards. We had a whole movie date and went on our separate ways. I woke up to a text message at 4 in the morning saying she want to break up. I asked her what’s wrong and she was like:

“Lol there’s nothing wrong with me.”

I asked to make sure it wasn’t her depression because in the past she only wanted to break up when her depression was turning for the worse. The last couple of days, she kept talking about being depressed and how she’s trying things to calm it. She responded with:

“I just don’t want a relationship or a boyfriend right now. It has nothing to do with depression.”

Which a part of me still doesn’t believe so…

We kept talking and she revealed to me that yesterday she wanted to apologize and leave. She told me that she still loves me but doesn’t want a relationship in general right now then told me to respect it.

It’s just jarring how a week ago she told me that she doesn’t want to lose someone she’s been longing for & we ended up like this.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

I mean, 2 years of what sounds like mostly fun memories isn't erased. You still have those moments and the lessons you've learned.

If it isn't depression (which, you're right, I don't believe her either), it's likely you won't find out why. It honestly could also just be her wanting to break up but not having a good reason. It sucks, but it happens.

That said, are you in therapy? I've dated two guys with clinical depression that didn't manage it and the fallout of their inability to manage their mental health eventually killed each relationship (not directly, but the bad habits and behaviours influenced heavily by the conditon were too much for me to deal with, especially as they refused treatment).

I'm sorry you were hurt, but it also sounds like if one mini-argument, a lied about "I love you" and her dislike of your mental condition were all it took then she wasn't the right one for you.

You'll get through this.
Take some time to focus on you. Build your happiness up solo for a bit, focus on your mental wellbeing, and eventually you'll feel ready to date again.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry you’re going through this, breakups are rough, especially after so much time invested. I understand you’re feeling confused, and I think throughout the week leading up to this breakup, she felt that same way. Letting go of someone you love is one of the hardest things in life you have to do, and I’m sure she struggles with that, and it’s probably what kept her around longer than she intended. But ultimately if she wants to be done, then you can’t be selfish about this and keep talking her into staying, which is just self serving. Then you gaslight her (no offense) by suggesting that her depression makes her incapable of making decisions in her right mind, which isn’t very fair. If she wants to be single, as hard as it is you have to let her go. You already struggle with depression, so I’m sure this doesn’t help. But you’ve got to focus on yourself, lean on the people who love you, seek professional help and just keep trucking forward.

[Asker]

I completely understand everything honestly. But I just wanted to say that I wasn’t trying to gaslight her with her depression. I was speaking from past experiences & the same patterns I was seeing from her. Alongside the fact this is happening again while she’s dealing with depression.

[Opinion Owner]

I know you weren’t doing it intentionally, that’s why I was sure to say that I meant no offense by that. But just looking at the term itself, it’s what you did, making her question her sanity because she’s been dealing with such depression. Ultimately though what you said or how you said it wasn't the catalyst, I think she is just in a place where she wants to focus on herself rather than a relationship. Doesn’t mean you’ll never end up back together, or that 2 years are down the drain. In fact I’m sure a lot of good, supportive, and healing moments came for that time which you two will surely be grateful to one another for. It’s just time to accept and move on for now.

[DarkWinterNights]

Use this situation as an incentive to better yourself. If you are going through a tough time mentally, try to get it resolved… nothing wrong with seeing a therapist, they helped me. Go to the gym, work out, eat healthier, make money, enjoy your hobbies and make more friends.


You can tell yourself that you’re getting back at her or proving her wrong, but once you’ve improved these parts of your life you probably won’t even miss her anymore and it will open up your dating options.

[Drumlin2001]

It's not time wasted. You're young, you'll have learnt a lot during relationship. Take a little time to reset them get back out there.

[worldscolide]

Sounds like she wasted your time. Go no contact, drop the bitch, it's time to find someone who won't waste your time.

[worldscolide]

Based on what you have said, I would also guarantee she is cheating, or wants to get away so she can fuck someone else guilt free.

[_Roc_]

The problem is you my friend. It's definitely you