What's the best way to breakup with your girlfriend of years?

Question

Been with my girlfriend for 5 years we have 2 year old son, but Im no longer attracted to her.

I've been seeing this other girl which i'm falling for, we in the talking/flirting stage and she knows I have a girlfriend and a son Im very upfront with her

But I don't know how to end my 5 year relationship with his wonderful human being without hurting her , she hasn't done anything bad, it's just i'm not attracted to her anymore

Any help?

SnowedIn · Accepted Answer

I won't judge. There's enough of that in the comments already. I won't even give you my opinion -- there's enough of that too and you don't need it (or probably want it and that's fair.

You did ask what's the best way and you don't want to hurt her. That's thoughtful.

The bottom line is that there is no, never, not one way for you to end this without hurting her. There are no words or actions that won't hurt her. So, you can break up with her. But she will hurt. She will hurt a lot and often. And every time she hugs your son. And every time you pick him up for your turn for the weekend. She will hurt big and for a long time.

As for the best way? Simple, honest and with few words. No excuses. Do not expect her to understand. Don't try to justify yourself or defend yourself. You are who you are. She will have questions. You may or may not have answers. Don't expect her to like or understand your answers. Her anger and grief will be deep and long -- probably months and years long. Be ready for that. Also be ready for the fire and brimstone from her family and friends and maybe your friends too. None of this is judgement from me just a realistic warning of the hell you're about to unleash on her, yourself, and to a certain extent, your son: he will have to live with his mom's grief and anger and the bitterness between you two. And that doesn't stop. Your son will forever get to say "dad left us". Even if you are a great dad and financially provide for him and spend lots of time with him, remember that he will one day tell the love of his life "my dad left us" and she will look at you with that in her mind.

Make sure you are ready for what this is going to cost you emotionally and relationally and if all of that is really worth it.

WhiteSteve · Accepted Answer

Bro, I’m not gonna take the easy route and beat on you over this, but I’m going to be straight up, you REALLY need to think on this. This is not a lightweight decision to make based on sexual desire. This is the mother of your child, man.

At some point, your son has to be more important than your boner. If you guys were having relationship problems, that’s another story, irreconcilable differences and breakups happen and need to be managed in the case of children, but “you’re not as hot as you used to be” is a piss poor — PISS POOR — reason to bail on your baby’s mother.

Tell you what, if I grew up and found out my father had bounced on my mom just for some new pussy, he would be dead to me, and I’d spit on his grave when he died. A lot of kids would, especially a son. You should REALLY consider that.

What kind of example are you setting for him as a man, too? What if you have a baby with this new broad? Would you leave if you lost attraction to her too? I mean, come on, man…

Can I ask why you’ve lost attraction? Has she stopped putting in effort, is it something that can be discussed? Please don’t tell me it’s over her post-baby body. PLEASE don’t tell me that.

Louisiana1989 · Accepted Answer

You people have got to be the most judgmental people every. How about y'all get off his nuts. Take a sec and really open your eyes to the situation. That's what's wrong with this world everyone is negative nancies. Not one post has given this man some real advice its all down grading and ugly. Look I know cheating is wrong and I don't believe in it he knows its wrong and from what I read he does feel bad. He could be talking bad about her but he isn't. No body said anything about that for all we know she could be feeling the same way about him. Everyone says its going to mess up the kids life. One said spit on your grave. That's a bit much but whatever. But let me ask all of you what if he stays and all they do is fight because they are unhappy you don't think that would mess up a kids life. So what then he is damn if he stays or goes. Let's be helpful to others on here not ugly and judemental.

sage2021 · Accepted Answer

That's real nice of you to get her pregnant and have a son together but some chick you are barely acquainted with is more important to you than your son's life?
Why didn't you find out before you got her pregnant that you aren't attracted to her? Duh!!
There is only so much a person can take and all the things you need to let her know is going to be too much for her to know all at once. Don't just vomit all your bad news to her at one time.
My husband and I have a son together and he cheated on me. He ruined both of our lives!
My son is 45 now but grew up without a father. It hurt him terribly all through his life. A boy needs his Dad.
You are very selfish and are also like pond scum. You don't deserve a better life. I hope this new chick dumps your ass and you are alone the rest if your life! Jerk!

Summeroflove · Answer

Okay. You been seeing this other girl. This is where I have a problem. Dude you have kids with one woman you’re not even married to. Now you’re cheating on her?

If you’re not happy. It’s best to just break up now. It’s hard. But you’re cheating. That’s horrible of you. You’re a low life piece of shit dude.

She ain’t done anything bad she don’t deserve to be cheated on. Yeah breaking up is gonna suck. But she’s gonna be more hurt later on. Especially when she finds out about your side whore

mobiusforniner · Answer

Dude, just gonna put it out there. Once you have kids, life is no longer about you. Your desires are last. Your priority should only be your child. Your idea of paying child support while moving on with your life trivializes everything about being a responsible father. And adult.

I get it man. I am married. With kids. Met a woman who, in all reality is a better match for me and I fell for her. But ultimately seeing my wife and our children smile and laugh together is something inseparable, o matter what I feel... this is my life, commitment and responsibility. so i broke up with my friend.

So, due respect, pull your head out of your ass and be a man.

rjd_20006 · Answer

I mean, what sort of fucking Man are you? Yes, life throws curve balls everywhere in different ways, but maybe you should have used your upstairs brain more than your dick brain. That’s the mother of your kid and I know you’re not the first and won’t be the last it happens to, but if you’re even remotely thinking about other women while you’re with someone, surely that should tell you that you need to sit and talk to your current partner. It’s okay to fall out of love and lose attraction to someone, what’s not okay is having an affair. You’ve cheated your son, and you chose to ruin a woman who chose to ruin her body and confidence over you. Man have a word with your self and get some help. Bet you’d have stayed with her if you never met this other person. Now own up, fess to her and get some help. Don’t worry, eventually the mother of your son will meet a real man. Sorry to sound nasty but you’re meant to be a man and you chose to behave like a horny teen

Friendlybro79 · Answer

Be a man and just do it. Let her know how you feel as nicely as you can in the least amount of words as possible. Let her react how she needs to and be definitive in your breaking up. The longer you wait the more time you're wasting for her to move on with her life. You'll always be connected because of your son so try to be as delicate but direct as you can.

Username28 · Answer

She’s going to be hurt. You’ve been together for 5yrs and have a 2yr old kid together. She’s going to be hurt. If there’s really nothing there anymore just tell her. The longer you wait the harder it will be.

Are you really falling for this girl or are you enjoying this attention? Could you communicate needs to your s/o and work on things? If it’s truly over, you can’t avoid hurting her.

hIopinionated_ · Answer

So you got her pregnant, ruined her body, and no longer attracted to her for basically what you did to her. . Pretty sure the reason you aren’t attracted to her anymore is because her boobs saggy, she has stretch marks, maybe her nose gotten bigger, the nip isn’t the same color anymore, etc.

Should have thought of that before ruining her chances of finding a better guy, now you want to make her a single baby mother with a ruined body.

Greeaaat human you are lol

boggboss · Answer

You can't end things without hurting her thats the nature of breakups especially if she has no clue u no longer love her

Anonymous · Answer

tell her that you are cheating on her... because you are. and your son will grow up knowing you cheated on his mother and for what?

it can't NOT hurt her... you ruined her life. now she'll be a single mom and struggle, even with child support. good going...

Anonymous · Answer

I’d say give it a few weeks and actually decide then if you want to break up with her. Breaking up after 5 years while also having a son, just because you are “bored” and found someone who is more fun seems to be a short term solution to me.

Do you really want to throw away 5 years with your girl just because you are “bored”? What about the great time you both had?

tonamimargaux · Answer

You shouldn’t have had kids if you had no plans of staying with her forever. This is selfish and I don’t know how will she not be hurt. Specially after knowing that you are seeing someone else behind her back.

DizzyDesii · Answer

So you told the girl you’re taken but you can't tell he wife you want out? Make it make sense. Just say, honey, i think we should just quit while we’re ahead and coparent while we’re at it

Sasha0426 · Answer

It’s going to hurt no matter what you say or how you say it. Especially, when you’re going to tell her you’ve been seeing someone behind her back.

Curmudgeon · Answer

"we have 2 year old son" Oh no. Just, no. Think about your son's feelings and the effect on him.

Anonymous · Answer

If she got boring, the new one eventually will too. Seek a solution without losing your family.

all_hayl · Answer

Grow the eff up, man. The man you just described yourself to be is a selfish coward.

LiamJHayden · Answer

If you base your relationships around anything other than a commitment you will repeat this process throughout your life.

Shamalien · Answer

I think bailing on family because you’re selfish is fucking despicable

Anonymous · Answer

You can't avoid making this person hurt. That's 5 years of her life. It's a lot harder to heal after being cheated on. Breaking up with her will hurt her a lot less. Just talk to her and be honest.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

You want your kid calling someone else daddy?

In_Trance · Answer

face to face, straight up

Gabriel-Chicanito · Answer

Acting uninterested, all of a sudden.

What's the best way to breakup with your girlfriend of years?

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