How can I get my ex back because I have so many regrets but he wants me to leave him be?

[Anonymous]

my ex made a lot of effort in the relationship and only till the end he kind of gave up. I know we’ve been together for only two months but I’ve never felt a stronger connection with someone, have someone treat me as well and share a similar sense of humour. He would get all the food and drive me home or to work or Uber me. Never let me get it myself. We tried to give it another shot but I always feel used and he would get mad when I leave. He needed time before we could reconcile he says because I broke up. I broke up with him because all the text, calls, hang outs went down. And on two weekends he didn’t answer my question so I broke up. I could tell we both had trust issues with eachother. What can I do? I love him so much but he said to move on. The last time we saw I got him so mad, the next day he said he’s going to date another person

[OlderAndWiser]

The relationship sounds like it was far from ideal. The fact that you say you "love hm so much" after two months suggests that you are needy, desperately want to be in a relationship, and he fulfilled the role of boyfriend. That is not love. That is more like an addiction.

You usually don't get a second chance at a relationship and, when you do, it usually fails for the same reason it failed on the first attempt. So the two lessons to be learned are:

1. Get okay with the idea that you don't "have to" have a boyfriend. Maybe you should avoid dating for six months and try to become happier with yourself. . . but I doubt you will follow that advice.

2. You give your BEST effort to a relationship the first time around because, once it ends, there probably won' be a second chance.

[Asker]

But if he really loved me he wouldn’t have given up so easily right?

[OlderAndWiser]

People "really" don't love each other after two months. You are just beginning to relax and to get to know each other. No, he didn't love you; you just imagined it.

[Asker]

But we had a strong connection and he treated me so sweetly and kindly. And our conversations were smooth. He said he only cared for me and his family. If I had a child he would take care of it. And had talks about marriage

[OlderAndWiser]

So perhaps he was a bit desperate and needy, also. Two needy people who find each other do not make a sold relationship.

[lightbulb27]

I'd suggest you reach out, acknowledge you both have a lot of room to grow and should work together to do that. The focus should be on resolving your trust issues, so study this subject on video, book, therapist, etc.. Also learn about communication, selfishness, empathy, etc..

Your relationship apparently struck some deep chords within each and it's an opportunity to resolve those issues.

Trust is formed around 0-2 years old, so these are old issues.

After 6 months of that, no hanky panky... then decide if you like each other to go forward.

Beyond that, had a hard time understanding what your issues are.

[Asker]

I’m scared he will tell me to leave me alone and move on again. And he says he’s going to date someone else. But I really wanna be with him 😭

[lightbulb27]

he might and probably will. he isn't ready to deal with your chaos. But if you need closure, then what's the downside?
After that, is either tears of joy or tears of sadness and you have to let it go.

I think you are re-playing something from childhood here. That is what's important and why it feels so strong. If you can't sort it out yourself, find a therapist that understands how childhood impacts adulthood and how to find the offending issues from early life and help you overcome them.

[Asker]

That’s true but I feel like no matter how many times he rejects me I can’t give up. I feel so pathetic. I also hear that men should be chasing the girl and if he really loved me, he wouldn’t had given up that easily.

[lightbulb27]

oh lordie...
yes, you don't like to be rejected and lose. Most of us don't. But as well, you like to dish out some pain and don't like consequences. Is that sounding fair assessment... I don't have much to go on.
Feeling pathetic is important information. In one view, maybe you are pathetic? I suspect that because I used to be REALLY pathetic. But recognizing that, leads to ways to become a much better person.
Wouldn't give up: you are probably young. People will only put up with so much crap, especially when they are inexperienced. We expect people to have the patience of Jesus and strength of Job, but they are human. You have to be fair to the other person too...

The important question: so tell me about your relationship with your mom and dad. I'm not a therapist, but that's the value in this.

This is probably going to be unpleasant x 10 for a while until you get to the other side of it.

your writing is good, write things out, what you did, why you did it... like where did that come from inside, what you did wrong... what you learned, how you want to be different... turn all into vision for who you want to be.

[Guy13]

Maybe time will heal is pain and attitude towards you.

[Asker]

Yeah I spoiled the last chance he gave me unknowingly.

[Asker]

Should I text him because I’ve appeared desperate

[Guy13]

Leave him alone. Give him time to miss some things about you.. then chill from then on.

[Asker]

Lol I left him alone for two weeks

[Guy13]

Good. Find a decent guy and FORGET about this.

[Anonymous]

"my ex made a lot of effort in the relationship"

"I’ve never felt a stronger connection with someone, have someone treat me as well and share a similar sense of humour. He would get all the food and drive me home or to work or Uber me. Never let me get it myself."

"but I always feel used"

Um, can you reconcile these statements? Honest question, I guess I'm just confused.

[Asker]

What do you mean, I think I have to put in more effort

[Opinion Owner]

Why did you feel "used" when he obviously tried very hard to take care of you and make you happy, and put in so much effort?

[Asker]

Last time I saw him after we broke up he put his hand on my leg and then when we went to his place he laid on me and started kissing my neck

[Opinion Owner]

And that made you feel "used"? Sounds like a guy trying to be romantic and make you feel good. Sorry, still confused.

[Asker]

after i broke up with him and tried to get him back he said we could have sex but no feelings garanteed. but then the last time i saw him i asked if he wants to be together again, he said we will see. And then when I left his place cuz i didn't want to be used, we later texted he said "he said that he said "have sex but no feelings garanteed' last time and not this time, so apparently thats different.. i'm confused

[Anonymous]

They have Uber in Europe?

[Asker]

Nope I’m not sure but North America

[Opinion Owner]

It’s because you spelt humor the European way so I assumed you lived there. Anyway, I googled.. they’ve got Uber.

[Opinion Owner]

by the way.. are you in a relationship with anyone right now while you ask this question?

[Asker]

nope im single

[Opinion Owner]

Jw. You strike me as someone who’ll jump into one quickly why you wait for me. Right.

AmWhat question did you ask that he avoided to answer?

[Danny_dan92]

By moving on 🙃

[Asker]

But I feel like I will always be comparing every man to him since he’s the one who got away

[Danny_dan92]

You shouldn’t do that.

Instead, remember all the good qualities and bad qualities of every man you have dated and then apply that to future dating opportunities

[Asker]

But he was perfect and I think it might be forever till I find someone like that or better

[Danny_dan92]

It is what it is