Do you think it’s better to break up before having children or after having children?

Question

Let’s say you’re destined to break up, which one would you rather choose?

I would choose, after having children cause this way I would always have part of him with me.

He always wanted 2-3 children with me. Before break up he told me though that he was no longer ready for marriage and wanted to explore more out there, he thought he wouldn’t give me and our future children a good family now and he didn’t want to waste my time. So, in a way, he thought it would be better to break up before having children, as we were already engaged.

I always think though that it would have been less harder for me if I had his child, I would feel like our love at least had a physical manifestation.

Maybe that would make it easier to move on, life wouldn’t be any easier but emotionally I would feel better. Just like having a child of a husband who passed away.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

BEFORE. You want your kods to grow up in a broken home? To have to deal with going back and forth between different homes every week? To never have both of their parents under one roof? To never be able to celebrate holidays together with both parents, always one missing? To have to deal with step parents and step siblings coming and going on both parents sides? To be at a higher risk of abuse and sexual assault? (Children who grow up with step parents have a MUCH MUCH higher risk of being the victim of sexual abuse as well as physical and emotional abuse at home. They’re also more likely to suffer greater damages from the abuse than children who grow up with both of their biological parents in their home. Step siblings further increase the risk of abuse).

And do you really want to miss half of your kids childhood (that’s what you do when you don’t see them 50% of the time when they’re at their other parents house)? You really want to drop of your kids for a weeks time ever other week, cry on your way home and come home to an empty lonely house? Have your ex’s new woman spend as much time with your kids as you do? See pictures of her and your ex going on ”family trips” with your kids? To go to court and fight custody battles? Or if he turns out to be a deadbeat asshole - To struggle to pay bills as a single mom and him lot giving a shit, even refusing to pay child suppory? Will never help out even if you go to the ER won’t come watch his kid. To watch your kids suffer heartbreak each time daddy doesn’t show up as he had said he would or the kid had hoped he would? Everytime what he told the kid turned out to be lies? Explaining to your child why daddy doesn’t want them? Why daddy doesn’t care about them but have 3 new kids with a new wman he made his wife and is an involved father?

It’s all bullshit. It’s horrible for everyone involved and nothing to aim for. Be glad you didn’t have kids with him and move on.

Apulu_Imback · Accepted Answer

Before having children, because honestly no matter how good you're as a single mother or single father, a child needs both mother and father.

loveslongnails · Accepted Answer

" ... he told me though that he was no longer ready for marriage and wanted to explore more out there, he thought he wouldn’t give me and our future children a good family now and he didn’t want to waste my time. So, in a way, he thought it would be better to break up before having children, as we were already engaged."

In a way? That's as direct as you can be ! The real reason he broke it off is because he didn't want you anymore - that's what "wanting to explore more" actually means. He tried to cloak it by saying "I'm not ready for marriage", which is likely true, but specifically, he's not wanting to marry you.

I know this sounds harsh, but that's what I hear in his words. This is a blessing in disguise, and a child would only have made it worse, in my opinion.

Pegases · Accepted Answer

This is such an odd question, because its almost as if you don't care about your own Childs well being. Ask anyone if they'd rather have a healthy mother and father in home, or separated parents, and they'll tell you they'd rather have both of their parents in home. Further, studies show that a two parent households significantly increases a child ability to thrive in life, and form and maintain healthy satisfying relationships in adulthood. Being a single parent might be normalized, but that's only because its toxic cycle, not because its ideal. I think there are other things you need to focus on before you consider bringing children in the world. We have enough people that aren't capable of forming healthy bonds in this world, we don't need more.

Avicenna · Answer

That's crazy. You don't want to have kids with someone if you know you aren't going to stay together. And the kids deserve to have two parents at home with them, if possible.

MementoMori777 · Answer

Before clearly, because you seem to be forgetting that children have a life, soul and emotions as well, a divorce might not seem like a big deal for the people that wanna separate but if those people have children those kids are gonna have problems growing up.

Berethor · Answer

Being a single mom is not good so before is usually better, you 26, don't be so desperate for a child, also that guy leaved you for silly reason so it not like husband who passed away.

serious · Answer

If break up is decided then it is best to have that before having children.

Anonymous · Answer

Well it's obviously better for a child to have a father, so...

Anonymous · Answer

Don't you think you should consider what's best for the child?  Why are so many of today's women so self centered?

Charliefretz329 · Answer

Children benefit from contact with both their parents

Anonymous · Answer

Before, obviously, unless of course you don't care about your child.

Jennz6 · Answer

Absolutely before you have children

Anonymous · Answer

Ya if want to them break up before child

Do you think it’s better to break up before having children or after having children?

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