Do you think buying a house curses a relationship?

[Razp_Sorbet]

My boyfriend and I were talking about this, he said he was worried about buying a house together because everyone he knows who has bought a house together has broken up not long after buying the house (he wasn't serious by the way) I told him that they probably had issues well before buying a house and unhealthy communication.

But it got me thinking, has anyone else noticed this pattern?

I know 3 people this happened to; my oldest cousin and her partner broke up a few months after buying a house, another cousin broke up about a year after buying their house (though they are back together now), and my boss and her partner broke up not long after buying their house (they're still trying to sell it after nearly 2 years.)

Updates

+1 y

To the people who didn't read or believe me when I said his comment wasn't entirely serious, so your Think he doesn't want to buy a house with me for some reason you're entirely wrong. We literally had a discussion last night about what we wanted in a house and he asked me if we should take school zoning into consideration for our future children, because the chances of us having a child in this house is likely.

[jennifer_bloom]

My friend lived with her boyfriend for over a year before he proposed to her and they had a lot of verbal confrontations a few months after co living together because he had lived either alone or with family all his life and was not used to making those compromises for another co living person. They worked out their differences around the three month mark by establishing new ground rules for their relationship and now they are very happy together and have two kids. My female friend from church also had domestic verbal confrontations when she first married her husband even though they were both elite people and very selfless and Hailey and Justin confronted each other in battles too.

[Aerissa_Jade]

I don't believe that is the case, but if you want to avoid that potential curse. Don't buy the house together. I bought my house by myself, rather than joint and it is entirely in my name.

It is not in a community property state, which means it is mine and mine alone. I did get married for a time and it was still mine, I would not add him to it.

The only thing I see that curses relationships is when you can't agree on things and can't be honest with each other.

[Razp_Sorbet]

In this economy that is impossible. I'm not worried about my boyfriend and I. Just a pattern I've noticed

[LadiesFavoriteToy]

Make money and work hard
Nothing is impossible!

[Likes2drive]

Maybe they bought it too early into the relationship, I bought my first house by myself over 20 years ago so it was only in my name even though I had a girlfriend but we got married soon after but we lasted years together with kids too , second house was in both our names but mortgage in mine. All this was years ago and I don’t have anything now since most marriages don’t last. So basically buying together is like having a partner in business and they don’t last long, better off if only one buys the house so they don’t have to sell it or fight over it. You can always put your name on the deed later if things are still good after 5 years

[Likes2drive]

Of course these days it takes two people to buy a house unfortunately

[molonski2]

You need to be extremely sure of your relationship before taking the massive step of buying a house together , takes a lot of unwinding , far better if you can , buy a house each and simply rent together , country dependent of course , massive massive expensive move in Australia , there are not the options available in the wonderful US of A.

[Razp_Sorbet]

I love in New Zealand, we will be buying a house together. We have lived together (renting) for 6 years so not a big difference to have our own home.

[molonski2]

in NZ , its pretty much same as Aus , you may as well try then..
It is a big GIG , but you need to get started.

[Finchie40]

That’s funny your boyfriend said that , that always crossed my mind to be honest , especially when my wife and I bought a home together , our marriage was great prior to buying the home , but after we bought it? Our marriage took a turn for the worse , she completely changed on me and not the same girl I remember all the years we were together prior to buying the home , It crossed my mind that possibly my home was possessed by evil spirits lol because she turned Evil alright lol

[OlderAndWiser]

So all the happy couples you know live in apartments or rented houses?

[Razp_Sorbet]

I wouldn't say all no, I know just because there's a pattern doesn't mean that it applies to everyone

[OlderAndWiser]

When it is a full moon and the emergency room is busy, people who work there will say that the moon brings out the craziness in people. But when it is a full moon and the emergency room is NOT busy, they don't make a mental note that this disproves their hypothesis. It is selective attention.

[Razp_Sorbet]

It's like you chose to ignore my reply

[OlderAndWiser]

Not trying to ignore your reply. I noted that you said there are exceptions to the general rule. I am saying that it may not even be a general rule bu just something where you put more emphasis on the times it happens and less emphasis on the times it doesn't happen.

[Razp_Sorbet]

I didn't say it was a rule, said that it was a pattern I have noticed. Something being a pattern doesn't mean it's a rule

[OlderAndWiser]

I use the words interchangeably.

[Orion76]

No they live in RVs

[AviatorTom]

I know a few unmarried couples who bought a house and then broke up. I also know a few who bought a house together and then got married. So, it depends on the couple.

[NathanDavis]

that usually happens to the people that are already in trouble...

and then they think that moving in together will fix things... or having a kid, or marrying...

all of the couples I know that were in great shape and bought a house together, they are still together... married or not

[FifiJones]

Wanting to be a lazy greedy angry well kept cat does.
Plus, you want a house so he wouod be obliged to maintain it and you'd just take it when you work him into his grave. Or, if he is durable, when you invent lack of attention, cheat with some younger swindler and get divorced to house your pet swindler and to mortgage your incompetent lazy ass.

[Razp_Sorbet]

You seem to have some personal issues that are influencing your opinion

[Stoner710]

Many things to unpack. He seems to be the right guy. He wants to buy a house for you to take care of you.. I’m guessing you’re a minor woman, so you want to work and then work to help buy the house is not a red flag or a curse it’s he’s wanting to take the relationship into a different level prevent him from doing that if you don’t have the ring on your hand, at least engagement say to him do you want to buy a house marry me first

[Razp_Sorbet]

I don't think you understood the question.

[Stoner710]

Maybe what did you mean? I did encourage you to not move in with a guy until you are married. Where am I going wrong here?

[Razp_Sorbet]

Maybe reread the question

[D_Bone_Steak]

This is an interesting concept and I never thought about this pattern. .. But now that you've pointed it out, I sure do think it is a thing.

What I have paid a lot of attention to is the rise in divorce rates... and that house always seems to come up as part of that.

[Anonymous]

how long have you been together tho? that's the big question... over 6+ years, then it's okay. less than 4, bad... another thing, i think inflation and the economy has put a lot of stress on people so that may be essentially what caused them to break up.

[Razp_Sorbet]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years but like I said in the post he wasn't serious about it being an issue with us

[loveslongnails]

I haven't noticed it as a pattern. However, if you're not legally married or partnered, buying a house together with both of your names on the Deed requires some extra language addressing what to do in the event that one party wants out of everything.

[Razp_Sorbet]

Not here. Being together for as long as we have we are considered married essentially. A break up at this point would be treated the same as a divorce.

[loveslongnails]

Then to answer the question, no, I don't think it puts a curse on a relationship but it points out a real flaw in the thought process. If you meet most of the criteria of a "de facto relationship" and a court would decide that you are, it would be wise for couples to consider themselves married in terms of property and asset accumulation. If that realization hasn't hit yet, I think that's the curse, not the house! :)

[Razp_Sorbet]

I don't think considering yourself married makes a difference to the relationship failing

[loveslongnails]

The terminology doesn't really matter - it's the ramification of the commitment you're in. That said, the idea of being "married anyway" carries a certain psychological weight.

[Unit1]

No. There are plenty of happy relationships living in bought houses. I know a few.

However i don't know if it's really like that or if their women just went with it because they need a house to live in and saw their man as their ticket towards it. I can't really know.

[Mansearching]

Nope, wouldn't do it. Bc there is a thing called common law marriage. If a couple is together and live in same house for (x) amount months or years, you can be married. Only by law. Not by church. If judge can divorce the 2 and give house to who they seem fit.

[mark000h]

It's because some people aren't ready for commitment. A house is a huge investment and is about the same level as marriage. It's a couple deciding to settle on something permanently. A lot of immature people run.

[HighValue]

Living together is far different than just dating.

Plus plenty of women like to end relationships after buying a house because it is usually mostly the man's money paying for it and the court helps women steal more of the value of it.

[Orion76]

It did for me, but it wasn’t the house fault to be fair, it wasn’t even the dick bags from HOA neither. Some relationships can curse the house, the house next door and the whole damn bock.

[Orion76]

You should have as little restrictions as possible a house is a huge expense and all in all 85% of your mortgage goes in interst you probably pay off a couple of thousands in 3 years and hvac breaks down and there goes all that

[Razp_Sorbet]

What 🤨

[Orion76]

If you get a 30 year mortgage with zero or a small down payment let’s say you night the house for 300 thousand, your monthly mortgage will be anywhere from 1800 to 2000 a month. 150 to 200 max goes towards the principal amount of the Loan and that’s before the insurance and a bunch of other fees that you will only see when you get the first bill in the mail and you think to yourself what have I done, and god forbid you have HOA that’s another couple of hundred dollars you pay to support people setting in their car in front of your house playing secret agent and taking pictures of your yard to fine you for any violation so if you see a listing with HOA you run kiddo.

[Orion76]

I’m gonna stop here because I feel like a discouraging asshole but there is this thing when you walk into a house you like you won’t think if all this stuff and no one will tell you and you might numb yourself into making a discussion.

[Razp_Sorbet]

Hoa isn't a thing here and I would be in heaven if we could buy a house for 300k 😂

[Orion76]

Oh wow yeah I was using an example but even the 300k will end up about 800k when paid off lol

[Razp_Sorbet]

Yeah houses here are about 500k, 450k if you get lucky. Interest rates are also really high right now so we would likely go floating because they are going to come down. But yeah I'd rather own a home and spend 3k a month than rent a tiny apartment for 1300. (, Which is under market value)

[Orion76]

Take your time and shop around, good luck

[Razp_Sorbet]

Yeah we have a year left on our current place so we have time

[spartan55]

I assume you mean both of you buying the house and having both of your names on the deed?

[Razp_Sorbet]

Uh yeah? We will be. Not really the point of the question

[spartan55]

Lol... oh really? So, that's just a meaningless detail? Do you understand what will happen with the house if you break up?

[Razp_Sorbet]

As I said in the question my boyfriend wasn't serious about being worried about us. He was just pointed out something he noticed

[spartan55]

You are completely missing the point. Your boyfriend isn't worried about you as a couple? Whew, thank God for that.
I truly hope you seek advice from people you trust before signing on a house together. You are focusing on something that is so secondary it's crazy.

[Razp_Sorbet]

It's just a question, it's not that deep. Jfc

[spartan55]

Whatever you say, enjoy.

[Razp_Sorbet]

I will 🙂

[Makeushiver]

No but it adds a pretty heavy burden on the sanctity of marriage. Every thing that requires responsibility is a -not a curse but another link arguing for remaining a couple

[slatyb]

Do not buy a house together unless you are married. It's harder to divide a house than is to get divorced.

[DrPepper12]

EZ solution is to hold it in trust or as a corporate partnership instead of joint tenancy with rights of survivorship. There's pros and cons of each, especially taxes, but explore it.

[exitseven]

You have to live someplace. Staying in an apartment is just wasting money.

[Razp_Sorbet]

Yes I'm very thankful that my parents bought the place I'm living for us so our rent to them is incredibly cheap. But we need more space

[RealMarek]

Buying a house you cannot afford could put stress on a relationship. Other than that I think it is coincidental.

[motownplayer2000]

No. Your doomed if you don’t have a strong relationship to begin with.

[Anonymous]

It's a big purchase. Money troubles and marital problems go hand in hand.

[jjj101010]

I’ve seen it happen a couple of times

[NostalgiaSenpi]

Not at all.

[EaterPeter]

It can