Was I used horribly by my ex?

[Anonymous]

So he recently broke up with me for something bad I did to him which I deeply regret. But we still talked after the break up. Two weeks ago, we decided to make a bet that he wouldn't come up to see me. At first the bet was for $100 but then he doubled it to $200. I know I shouldn't have made a bet with him but I really wanted to see him, felt guilty about what I did and felt like him seeing me would maybe change his mind about us. Needless to say he came up and I had to pay up. We ended up having sex and I paid for dinner.

Now I feel like I was used badly and I feel like a fool even though he says he's still in love with me. He just needs time. Was I used horribly? Was this some kind of revenge?

TLDR: we've been friends for a very long time. Almost 10 years and I know he loves me. So maybe I'm wrong.

Updates

+1 y

Don't answer this question. I realize how silly it sounds and deleting it.

[Anonymous]

It's hard to say for sure whether or not you were used by your ex, as I don't have all the details of your relationship and the circumstances surrounding the bet and subsequent events. However, it does sound like you may have been taken advantage of in this situation.

Making a bet with someone in order to see them can be a risky move, especially if you're feeling emotionally vulnerable or guilty about something. It's possible that your ex may have seen this as an opportunity to get something he wanted (in this case, sex and a free dinner) without having to commit to anything more.

If you're feeling hurt or used, it's important to communicate your feelings to your ex and to set boundaries for yourself moving forward. It's also important to take responsibility for your own actions and to learn from this experience, so that you can make healthier choices in the future. Above all, prioritize your own well-being and don't let anyone take advantage of you.

[Asker]

You're so right. Thank you so much for your advice and insight. I would like to think he wasn't using me but I don't know. Regardless, I do need to communicate this to him and set boundaries as well as take responsibility for my part in this! Thank you again!

[Opinion Owner]

You’re welcome

[Anonymous]

I'm a little confused by all of this. How did he use you? And how did you not use him?

[Asker]

I tried deleting this question. I realize that I guess it was me using him in a way.

[Opinion Owner]

It's ok, I just don't understand the predominant female mindset that when there is consensual sex between a man and woman and a relationship isn't the result, that somehow the man used the woman and not vice versa. Help me understand that mindset. Do women enjoy sex less than men? Does a man somehow get more out of it? How?

[Opinion Owner]

I'm truly sorry you're feeling this way. I'm just trying to understand.

[Asker]

No its not that. I only meant about taking the money. Not about the sex. If he just came for the sex I wouldn't have even written anything on it (I'm not really like that) but for me I'm more hurt about the money. He really took it without so much as flinching.

[Opinion Owner]

OK, I understand, but if you HONESTLY looked at this situation through an unbiased lens, two different people going through this exact same scenario, but the gender roles were reversed, would you see it the same? Would you think the guy was used?

[Asker]

You're right. Probably not.

[Asker]

But thank you for trying to understand.

[Opinion Owner]

I hope you know I wasn't trying to be mean or judgmental, just trying to understand. I truly wish you the best.

[Asker]

I know you weren't. Thanks again!

[Opinion Owner]

Cheers

[Asker]

Cheers 🍻

[Paris13]

... We've been Friends For a Very Long Time." No wonder He Took Advantage of your Pockets. No Strings Here, dear. xxoo

[Asker]

Wouldn't that mean he wouldn't take advantage of my pockets if we've been friends for a long time?

[Paris13]

Yes, But More so as a Friend. As a Couple, He doesn't have to Feel like He is the One to Dish out the Money if he has a Partner. xx

[Danny_dan92]

Why tf he agreed to making a bet with you to not see each other after he decided to breakup with you shows how much of an inconsistent, lost, dumbass he is