Any words of encouragement?

[Fedupgirl2222]

I've been in a secret relationship with a guy for 4½ years. He always supported me in everything. My parents didn't know about him. I've been having some mental issues lately due to sickness and family issues. I realized that my mental issues was draining him. I judged it better to break up with him because I didn't want my mental issues to drag him down.

Now im doing my best to get well. I really can't get over him. I also noticed that other girl who's interested in him and it hurts really bad.

Did I make the right decision? I just need some positive words.

Updates

10 mo

Just to make it clear, he told me that my mental issues was also affecting him as a person. Instead of me being a support to him, I felt like a burden to him. That's why I did what I did.

[GreatBigCircles]

As someone who has dealt with mental health issues (both my own, and those of my friends), I can't really say if it was or wasn't the right decision. But it's good that you're focusing on self-improvement and are doing it for yourself.

The best thing I ever did for mental health was trusting others about how they felt about me. Once I did that, and once they knew they could be open with me about how they felt about my problems and how it affected them, it let me cut through all the doubts and self-image issues I had that got in the way of really knowing myself and improving.

I'm not saying that you should be inconsiderate of the stress you put on others, but you should trust that they share the burden with you because they want to, not because they feel like they have to.

As for the guy, I can't really say anything about that. I don't know about the dynamic you have. But don't beat yourself up over it no matter how it turns out. It's easy to feel like every mistake is a catastrophe when your life feels like it's at a stand still. But your life will continue, and there's a whole life time ahead of you to continue your story. And years from now this will just be another memory of many.

[GreatBigCircles]

Update since you added some context:

Being able to acknowledge his needs as well as your own, and separate from the relationship is an admirable and mature thing to do. One of the hardest things about relationships is that our minds love to be biased and go to extremes; a lot of people would have blamed themselves entirely and broken off without explanation or a talk, or would have convinced themselves that any sort of complaint from their partner was over-the-line and petty. But you took the time to understand the issue before coming to a decision.

As long as you keep that kind of self-awareness, and take the time to really look at the things that hurt to understand them instead of avoiding them, I have faith you won't just be able to take control of your life and become who you want to be, but that you'll decide on the best possible you that you can be.

[Anonymous]

I think you should've left that up to him.
He's a grown man, and he can decide for himself if you're too much for him.

All you did was break up with a man who was willing to be with you through thick and thin. That's what a good relationship is about.
My girl had some major psychotic issues, and went to a mental hospital for months.
She said all kinds of terrible things to me during that time, but I stayed with her because I love her.
Her breaking up with me would've torn me apart.

I have no positive words, you screwed up and lost a good man

[Opinion Owner]

If you did for you, that's one thing.
But don't pretend you did it for him

[Fedupgirl2222]

I did do that for both of us, but more for him. He told me that i was weighing him down too and that my mental health issues was affecting him too. He also said that he was done with it.

[GreatBigCircles]

I honestly disagree. He was honest how the current relationship and the stress of it wasn't good for him. She looked out how things were, realized that she wasn't going to be able to change the situation, and they both agreed that it simply wasn't going to work out with how things were in the moment. That's two adults being respectful despite how painful it was, instead of clawing some sort of catharsis by blaming the other.

[Opinion Owner]

Ok y'all. I stand corrected

[NotInterestedSorry]

You did the right thing. It's not right or fair to keep dating someone if you have mental health issues, and you know it is draining them, because it will get to the point where the other person will start to be badly affected, and one day possibly break down and maybe even snap.

The fact that you also said the relationship was secret. I don't find having a relationship that has to be kept secret to be healthy.

[als24]

Yeah sounds like you made the right call. You valued him as a person more than the overall relationship. If he's smart, he'll realise this.

[Rangers]

I'd keep working on things and try to save the relationship