I need encouraging words, please can you share?

[Anonymous]

I just ended a situation-ship that I thought was pretty healthy. I've been in a relationship with someone for a year now. I basically sleep at their house daily, he tells me he loves me, we spend holidays and do things together.

I questioned him about something I found in my car and he instantly flipped out. Said I was crazy and damaged from my last relationship and that we are just "friends" and friends don't act this way. And he made it clear that he doesn't want marriage because he knows that's what I want.

In that moment, I realized I am wasting my time. I took any of my belongings from his house, blocked all his numbers... I'm super hurt and feel dumb. But more so, I wasted so much time.

[shoeboxcerealcard]

Girl,

• Sit down and write out the type of relationship you want. Do it in as much detail as you can because this is your life.
• Next, pick out the things that are non-negotiable.
• Third, ask yourself what 2 types of people fit naturally into the non-negotiable version of my ideal relationship.
• Now you know the guy you want.
• Now you know who you need to be.
• Next, you need to go find someone who wants the same type of relationship as you. The non-negotiable version.
• Don't look for the person who is a finished product. Look for the man who wants the same thing as you.
• Lastly, you two have to develop into the 2 people who naturally would create the type of relationship that you 2 want.
• Remember a person is defined by their character. Everything is produced from character including relationship.
• You both must begin to Think and Act like the 2 people you must be, in order to produce the type of relationship you desire.
• You both must begin to Think and Act from the character you wish to display
• You do it everyday and it will become habit and natural feeling.
• DO NOT go looking for some guy you might like. Go looking for the guy that can help you create the type of relationship you want. You want a relationship not a person. A person is what you just had.
• And whatever happens do not focus on things that are making you depressed and insane. Focus on the idea of your ideal relationship. Think about it every chance you get and get emotionally involved with it. Do not permit your mind to get emotionally involved and focused on the past or your lack of relationship. You should go back and reread the previous sentence because it's that important. Your mind must be feed with something so feed it with your ideal relationship. Think about it in its finished state.
• The #1 thing we all need to know is whether someone wants the same thing as us. Sadly, almost no one seems to figure this out until it's too late. Any relationship problem comes from this. Literally all of them or from not thinking and acting like how we should.

[StarWarGirl]

It's better late than never. Yeh it was waste of time but at least you have saved your time ending it now to not get wasted anymore. So it's fine.

Now you know what you want what you don't, using your experience and lessons move ahead.

[Oliverlogan263]

Aww sis, I'm so sorry you're going through this hurt right now. Breakups are always tough, especially when you felt so secure in what you thought the relationship was. But please don't be too hard on yourself - we've all been there thinking with our hearts instead of our heads sometimes.

The most important thing is that you realized your worth and didn't settle for less than what you deserve - someone who proudly chooses you every day without excuses. You took your power back by removing yourself from the situationship fog. That takes real strength.

Now is your time to pour into yourself. Do things that nourish your soul and remind you how amazing you are. This too shall pass, and soon you'll see this was a blessing in disguise, removing years of wasted potential to find real real love.

You got this girl. Hold your head up - you have so much wonderful life ahead of you. This hardship will make you stronger and wiser for your person. I'm always here if you need someone to vent to, but know that you are NOT dumb. You're a queen!

[LiamS95]

I've been hurt as well from what i didn't really realize was an unreal relationship and you can feel free to message me anytime if you need an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on.

[BarryLiverstone]

The sun will come up, tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there will be sun. You are only a day away

[SaoirseS]

Thanks for the song, fellow musical theater nerd 😉

[BarryLiverstone]

You are welcome. That’s many years of choir

[jahaims]

That is what happens when you let someone use you. Be more introspective so you don't lie to yourself to try and get what you want.

[Asker]

If a person is telling you that they love you and you're the best thing that happened to them, how does it turn to the woman lying to herself? I wasn't living a lie and convincing myself of these "he loves me" thoughts and feelings. He lied to me until he realized I wasn't going to accept certain things. Maybe men need to stop lying to themselves.

[jahaims]

What someone says doesn't matter if their actions don't match their words. It's lying to yourself when you trust someone's words over their actions.

[Asker]

Sir, if we are going to family events, I'm meeting your mother, father, doing family outings with your children and you... Meeting your children's mother and you're introducing me as your wife and everyone is saying "I like her for you." After a year and a half, I'm not telling myself anything. I'm going off his actions- i'm in his bed every night or he's in mine. Men will say anything to convince themselves that the woman is the problem when in reality- just from your comment, y'all are the problem!! Your comment was really what I needed to realize that I made the best decision because people like you are weird.

[jahaims]

You are too stupid to understand the situation, so you place blame elsewhere. Thus, you lack introspection. Thank you for proving my points. You are ignorant if you think that this situation is gender based. Bad people taking advantage of stupid people happens on both sides.

[Iron_Man]

Isn’t the goal to have a relationship instead of a Situationship?