Why wouldn't you give your ex closure?

[Anonymous]

My first boyfriend didn't give me closure till a year after we broke up, I then read that guys don't want the girl to know what she did wrong so it is a) harder for them to move on b) have the same prob in the next relationship.

In my experience it was too hurtfull to tell my boyfriend why I didn't like him anymore.

Why wouldn't you give your girlfriend/boyfriend full closure to why you broke up with them?

[Anonymous]

The truth is... most times the guy doesn't know why he needs to move on and is too embarrassed/cowardly to just come out and say it. It's not about you, but about what they perceive as what they want and their inability to articulate it in a manner that they feel is not ultimately rude.

Now, guys are not the only ones who do this. I've had to counsel many a guy who was so overwrought by a girl who just dumped him mid-relationship that he couldn't finish his (expensive) college semester.

Closure has to happen on both ends. For this to happen, you have to be conscientious about those with whom you choose to enter into a relationship. If they're respectful to you from the beginning, there's more of a chance that they'll be respectful in the end as well -- though there are no guarantees of this, as we clearly see in daily life. Sigh.

Bottom line? If you have the courage to start a relationship, you should be brave enough to end it if ending is necessary.

[Nicefuture]

Dont you think,the people who wants closure should come And get it by themselves?

[Not_Until_Tuesday]

It's not always something you can get by yourself.

[Nicefuture]

And why you think that?

Is it that hard?is it hard to go and ask them why they didn't want to have anything to do with you? I think they know their faults!

[Asker]

This point is fair enough, but I'm talking like those exs that beat around the bush or say your like "why did you break up with me? I need closure" and there like "oh just wasn't feeling it that much" - that to me isn't closure and the person always has a better reason than that!

[Nicefuture]

Sweetheart,when someone says that to you,it means that they didn't like you as much as you do,they didn't like to be with you,they have feelings for someone else.It is better than cheating on you and/Or betrayIng you and feeding you lieS.Why would you want a closure from someone who didn't like you back? didn't even give you a good reason for that! and I think you probably werent togther more than a year!

[Nicefuture]

I don't think after all that I woulD still want a closure,him saying that would make me feel like I'm worthless in his eyes and he didn't love me,thats why he didn't give a good reason and I get him out of my life very easy.

[Asker]

Yeah you are both right here, but I'd rather he said that than being so broad about it. We were together 8 months and he was always more into the relationship than me and the break up shocked me. That's why I had imagined for so long it was something I did. Turns out he just wanted to go back to having one night stands. fml

[Nicefuture]

Yea,i hate that.

People like him"Not just guys! even girls do that" People who treat their ex partner that way are just worthless azzholes who like to see others suffer over them,dont give a guy like him the time of the day.. there's better guys out there,stop talking about him because he isn't worth The time you spend on talking about him.

[Anonymous]

I don't have an answer, really just seconding the question.

I'm living this right now. I'm at a point where I'm still trying to figure out what happened. I want to take my former at her word, but it just doesn't add up right. She was too nice in the breakup WRT anything being wrong with me. I care for her so much that I'm willing to tread water for a while just in case this is a phase she needs to go through to figure out what she feels for me (which would be logical based on something she told me in the last conversation), or to test me to see how much I cared by long I'd wait for her.

Unless your ex is being hostile or unreasonably manipulative, I don't know why someone wouldn't want to talk to their past partner to give them what they need to be able to move on, if moving on is what you want them to do. Especially when they email you that they're still looking for closure in order to be able to move on.

[Asker]

It does my head it!

Although on advice with your ex.. don't wait around too long - I'm guilty of breaking up with a guy because I'd lost all feelings for him and stringing him along so I felt wanted. Apologised to him for this, were now great friends - but when I broke up with him I knew I wasn't going back.

[Opinion Owner]

It does your head it? !?!?

[Asker]

sorry in* ha ha when an ex doesn't give closure

does my head in

[Smartgirl_hey]

Closure gives them proper understanding. Because they feel that they can understand what went wrong and maybe they can even fix it if possible so that they can get back with them if possible

[Xx_DRE_xX]

If you can't tell someone why you broke up with them then your a f***ing coward/loser/cop out hands down. I have told every girl I've been with straight to their face.

[Smartgirl_hey]

This is nice. Telling someone on their face is better than expecting them to just understand

[Anonymous]

WHy wouldn't you give your girlfriend/boyfriend full closure to why you broke up with them?

I would say because that person who doesn't give full closure is selfish.

[The_Supid_Genius]

Closure is highly overrated as it really does nothing to change the situation...it is over.

[Smartgirl_hey]

It may not change the situation but it gives some relief