Was it a good reason to break up?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend (26) and me (20) were about to have a date night, I was scrolling on the social media then saw a post of one of his female friends, they had matching display name, I got curious and looked at her profile to see that it's basically matching with a lot of hearts. I confronted him about it and asked if he knew what her profile looked like and he kept either ignoring or dismissing the question. I asked him more questions about their friendship, he gave vague answers. I asked if he was cheating on me and he said no and that people have hurt him in the past. I told him that it's awful all of the stuff he went through but I need a clear cut explanation to all of this and I asked again if he knew what her profile looked like. He ignored me the rest of our date night to go hang out with her. Came back in the morning and apologized saying if I didn't want to talk to him ever again he'd understand. I kept questioning him told him how hurt I felt he finally told me the truth. They were friends before we met for a year or longer, she hurt him, he cut her off, they reconnected through her cousin, he told me he was her shoulder to cry on and that she told him that she loved him. He didn't accept or deny her feelings and they remained friends it all happened while we were friends (before we started dating). He kept saying how he was scared and how he thought he fucked everything up. I know that he really can't handle conflict too well, his first instinct is to run but he ran almost instantly towards the girl I suspected he was cheating on me with. He tried to downplay it by saying she asked if he'd go somewhere, he went alone she showed up and they were just "there" together. He admittedly dismissed my feelings for his own comfort. He knew it was wrong too, he told me that if the roles were reversed he'd be really mad aswell. Through the entire time he didn't reassure me, say that he loved and cared about me until I started breaking down.

[Oliverlogan263]

Based on the details you've provided, I do think breaking up with him was a good decision. Here are the main reasons why:

1. He was dishonest and dismissive. When you first voiced your concerns, he ignored or dismissed your questions instead of being open and transparent. This shows a lack of trust and respect.

2. He prioritized someone else's comfort over your feelings. When you confronted him, he fled to be with the other woman instead of focusing on reassuring you and proving his faithfulness. That was hurtful and inconsiderate.

3. He had an inappropriate relationship with another woman. They had a history, she confessed feelings to him, and he did nothing to establish clear boundaries. Even if he claims they're just friends, his behavior suggests otherwise.

4. He didn't adequately apologize or make you feel valued. An effective apology involves acknowledging the hurt caused, expressing remorse, and committing to change. He didn't truly offer that.

5. The trust in your relationship had been broken. Without honesty, openness, and a willingness to make you a priority, the foundation of a healthy relationship is missing.

All this to say - while ending any relationship is difficult, in this case it seems the right decision given his behavior, priorities and inability to be fully present and committed to you. You deserve a partner who makes you feel safe, secure and valued, not one who dismisses your concerns and harbors secretive relationships with others.

Moving forward, surround yourself with loved ones for support. Take time to heal. And when you're ready, know that there are partners out there who will treat you with honesty, care and respect. For now, focus on yourself and your happiness. You've got this!

[Alli39]

I mean it sounds like he's not really in a good place emotionally to support your relationship and so wasn't treating you well, however unintentionally, so that's a decent reason. I'd say try to curb your jealousy since it sounds like he wasn't actually cheating but you were also probably right to leave since it didn't seem to be all that healthy given the fact that he did basically run away from the conflict in a way that would obviously hurt you. On the other hand, it seems like he's aware that he messed up and attempted to apologize for it, so in that respect I think he was doing his best. It seems like a complicated situation and I'm sorry you had to deal with it.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

He left your date to go hang out with her? Lol

Is this a serious question?