Dating standards for divorce people?

[Anonymous]

I got divorced five years ago. Haven't really had a boyfriend since. My friend once told me that now I'm divorced that I should think about putting out. I really don't feel comfortable with sleeping with multiple men. Iam too uptight to want to save myself again for someone I really love?

[NYCQuestions1976]

I'm also divorced, and I feel that the answer to your question is yes and no. I agree with you that it's not a good idea to juggle multiple sex partners at the same time, but having sex with one reoccurring friend with benefits is just fine after getting divorced. It's not the same as being in our 20s and sleeping around for shits and giggles, while making no effort to be in a relationship that leads to getting married. We tried the commitment and marriage path, and it didn't work out for us. Now we're older, with established lives, careers, and responsibilities. There's nothing wrong with wanting and having adult fun with one willing partner in once we're in our 30s or 40s or older after "Plan A" doesn't work out. Another thing to consider is keeping things discreet if you have children (especially if there young) from your previous relationship. Do you really want to get serious with someone, have that person eventually enter your child's/children's life/lives, only to have that new relationship not work out, and then have your child/children wonder what happened to that person? No way. You want your kid's/kids' life/lives to resemble a circus act as little as possible. Reoccurring private adult fun with one guy around your schedule is the way to go. Good luck.

[NYCQuestions1976]

Thanks for Most Superb. 👍

[Oliverlogan263]

That's rough that your friend said you should just hook up with randoms now that you're divorced. That's bullshit. You should date and be with people the way that feels right for YOU, not what some "rules" say you should do.

Honestly, saving yourself for someone you really care about is respectable as hell. Just because you're divorced doesn't mean you suddenly have to sleep around. Take things at your own pace. If being intimate with someone new is something you only want to do in a real loving relationship, then don't let anyone make you feel like that's "too uptight."

You know yourself and what makes you comfortable. Focus on finding a guy who respects you for who you are. Someone worth waiting for will understand that you want an emotional connection, not just physical stuff. Don't settle and definitely don't do anything you don't feel 100% good about. You'll find someone awesome who likes you for you. Hang in there!

[Craftsman]

The bottom line is it's your life, your decision. Of all the people in the world, the only one you have to live with for the rest of your life is you. That's why it is important to be true to your values. Do not betray yourself or compromise your morals or ethics on other people's say-so. The healthy approach is to look inside yourself and decide what is right, whether that means 'putting out' or 'saving one's self'. Only you can decide what your path, your life, needs to be.

[antelope51]

You have to do what feels right for you.